[differentmiss]

I have been with my partner for 5 years married for 2. He had hit me before we married. But it got significantly worse after we married. He is now horribly violent and abusive. He hits, kicks, punches, pushes and shoves me. He has dragged me by the hair countless times and punched me all over my body. I constantly have bruises and he has beaten me so badly that once i couldn't walk for a day. He's very traditional and expects me to do all the cleaning and cooking. I don't mind doing these chores but if something isn't done he will argue with me for hours about it. If i talk back, he becomes violent. I'm studying my bachelors degree, so i have no money, as i'm just a student. We have a one year old son together. Despite how horrible he is to me, he's a wonderful dad I feel guility for wanting to leave, i believe marriage is for life and i meant my vows when i said them! I feel bad for wanting to give up! We have a one year old son together, so i study part-time to be home with our son. Thankgod he isn't violent to me when our son is around! I don't know what to do anymore. This is the first time i have told anyone this!!

Thanks for listening

[emptybee15]

My sons father didn't start hitting me until after I got pregnant and he felt he had me trapped. However, despite how I feel about MYSELF, I will NOT let ANYONE else make me feel bad, I do it on my own.

After I seen that he wouldn't quit, I sent his arse to jail. He learned that I was not playing with him and that he better calm the f**k down. Jail scared him bad, my brother beat him up in there AND it was his first time going.

Teach him a lesson, don't waste anymore life on him, he's nobody. Your son will see this and do the same thing to his wife in the future because YOU showed him that it's supposed to be that way. Your son will be better off with you two apart.

[Flooded]

He might be a wonderful dad, but he's a **** husband and despicable excuse for a human.

[Typo]

((((((((((((((((diffrentmiss)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry your husband treats you that way, no matter how good a father he is, he is a poor husband and you do NOT deserve to be treated that way. Violence in relationships or any form of abuse will only escalate.

Are there any shelters you can contact? I know how hard it is to be a student, and I can't imagine doing as much as you do, you are a very strong person diffrenmiss. But you desreve to be safe and so does your son. Please seek help and stay safe, I'll be keeping you and your son in my thoughts

[purple_fins]

I hope you can get beyond the feelings that he is a good father....

IMO- he is NOT a good father if he is abusing his son's mother- while his son is in the house...
what kind of "good" father does that?
A good father exhibits admirable behavior for his offspring,
so they in turn can grow to be admirable people.

that little boy can experience trauma from witnessing abuse and also, learn the dysfunctional/harmful ways to act in a close relationship that could, in the end, result in jail.... I fail to see how this is being a good father

I hope you can value yourself and your son to the point to get away from this bad person that is a woman and child abuser. I hope your son can learn how to have a loving relationship void of ANY violence.
You and your little son are in my heart.

fins

[madisgram]

i am so glad you shared your concerns with us. i cannot sugar coat your situation because it happened to me. if an abuser (and your hubby is one) hits you more than once in a relationship he will continue to do so. studies have been done to prove this as a fact. the cycle of beatings will get closer and closer. keep a log and you can see the pattern i reference.
the next time he hurts you go to the ER or your doctor to document his abuse. tell them who harmed you. take pics of your bruises, etc. keep them. call the police-911-as soon as you can call after u've been hurt. they will come out and take a report-another documentation. you will prob be asked if you wish a hearing before a judge. your hubby will be required to be there too. a protection order can be awarded to you that your husband is not allowed to harm you. if he does after the protection order, call 911 immediately. he will be arrested. do this over and over if necessary if you keep trying to believe he will change as i did. BUT he won't.
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT OR HARM ANOTHER PERSON.
you can consider my advice. it's from very painful experience. i suffered for 13 yrs. my life was in peril. i was told that but i really didn't believe it until i was choked so hard i blacked out. as i was going under i remembered the wise words given to me. i came so close to dying.
emotional abuse will cause you to become a hostage in your own home.
you may feel your hubby is a good father. he is NOT. if he was, he wouldn't be hurting his child's mother. he wouldn't hurt the person he says he loves. your son will soon witness the abuse and remember. he will no longer feel SAFE. he will be scarred for life and often times children of abusers in adulthood become abusers too.
my advice to you is to heed my words. there will be no improved changes. abusers and pedophiles who do get help rarely change. there is a 0% success rate. you may die at the hands of your husband. believe it. many women are killed this way every year.
here's a site to help you better understand about your husband. i hope you will read it. it's a long article but it may save your life and possibly even your son's.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/dome...es_effects.htm
SOME FACTS AND STATISTICS:
1. Studies by the Surgeon General's office reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer deaths combined. Other research has found that half of all women will experience some form of violence from their partners during marriage, and that more than one-third are battered repeatedly every year. Source: Journal of American Medical Association, 1990.
2. In 2003, among all female murder victims in the U.S., 30% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends. Source: Uniform Crime Reports of the U.S. 1996, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2003 (January - June).
3. A child exposed to the father abusing the mother is at the strongest risk for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Source: "Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family", APA, 1996
AND also-
http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticV...(National).pdf
don't feel ashamed. he's the one who should feel shame. you have done absolutely nothing wrong. don't fall into the trap, "it must be my fault. i need to be better and then he won't hurt me." don't minimize his behavior. don't take the blame. it's not yours. it is his.
please stay safe.

[lynn P.]

(((differentmiss))) - you've already received excellent advice. Marriage for a lifetime is for couples who have respect, love, trust and compassion, therefore you don't have to keep your marriage vows. You're in danger and its not going to get better....only worse. I'm trapped in my marriage ATM - although I don't get physically abused I do suffer mental and emotional abuse. Unfortunately I can't get out ATM but I'm working on mustering the courage. If I was in physical danger I would go to a shelter.

You need to go to a womens shelter because they can protect you. They'll also help you legally and eventually find you a place to live. Don't ever leave while he's at home or say you're leaving, because this could spark a violent outburst. Leave when he leaves in the morning - pack up basic clothes, ID, banking info etc and go to a shelter...never go back. He doesn't beat you because you're not perfect - he's the one who's flawed and no matter how hard you try, it will happen again and again. Don't listen to promises or make deals with yourself. I know its scary leaving but better to do it now before you get so deep you'll never leave.

[mgran]

I had this in my first marriage. It did get worse. And my poor son remembers it, and is frightened that he'll be like his Dad. Don't put your son through it. A good father does not beat the mother of his child.

[differentmiss]

Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions It's been really helpful and comforting. I'm looking for a place and once i find one, i'll leave! I'll keep everyone posted on my situation. I really appreciate all the answers. Thankyou again

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by differentmiss

Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions It's been really helpful and comforting. I'm looking for a place and once i find one, i'll leave! I'll keep everyone posted on my situation. I really appreciate all the answers. Thankyou again

Make sure you keep the fact you're looking for a place and thinking of leaving a secret from your husband....since this is often the time when violence happens. You should also contact a lawyer and place a restraining order once you leave. I hope you'll be safe and leave soon.

[IceCreamKid]

It won't be long now before your son realizes his dad is beating mom to a pulp, and of course given the description you have offered, it could well be the son will witness dad killing mom during one of these beatings. Any man who beats a child's mother isn't a wonderful father. He's an abusive man who needs to be stopped. I hope someone on here can give you the reality check you need before an even greater tragedy than you are living now happens.