[moonbeam2]

yesterday i was getting ready to take my boys out for school suplies ,& i was talking to my son about the plan i would take the to get the binders & things like that & then when dad got paid i would take them to get shoes & haircuts & when dad got paid again we would go for clothes ,& my husband was listining & said to me you mean the money i gave you last week never went for school stuff ? i said no i had to pay the bills & get my meds & pay for doc bills,we basicly live week to week or paycheck to paycheck & he is in the construction industry painting so its not like a steady paycheck say he dont get paid every friday & the paycheck vary in amounts anyway , i didnt think that was fair of him to put that on me like i paid the bills wrong ,he always says to me i (he)make the money i dont wanna see the bills i dont wanna see it go ! i was haveing a good day today i did the dishes & ran the sweeper & was washing the dogs bedding & i was gonna go weed the front yard well i texed him earlier & told him that ,so he calls me when he s done with work & tells me he is gonna go to his brothers for awhile i told him i had to lay down after washing the dogs bedding cause i took my med & sometimes it makes me tired ,i said when i get up im gonna go out & weed & my son was gonna sit out there with me & work on this thing for his websight & he went off on me & told me bullcrap he should be helping you instead of sitting on his butt ,,i need my kid or someone to keep a eye on me when im out there cause the sun & heat can make me dizzy side effect to med anywho he says they never do anything around the house bub(son nick name)wants to make money & he wants to go to work for me & i told him he can do things around the house & i will pay him i tried to tell him that it wasent the same as getting up & going out to hange & work with the guys & then he tells me he cant come to work till he gets his hair cut (stupid i think) where did that come from ? then he goes on to tell me all they do is play those dam games(im useing nice words) i told him i dont get on them about it cause there summer sucked we went no were this whole summer & did nothing with the no amusment parkes or anything i feel so bad & feel so guilty for that i dont no how i can make it up to the kids?they dont complane or anything but i still feel so bad !the things that bother me about him r i have a eating disorder & all he watches is the food chanel & wants me to watch that i have a few times just to try to hang with him i have tried to get him numerious times to watch my shows he wont at all at night i usauly go upstairs in the bedroom & watch my shows & he is in the liveing room with his shows i wanna change it cause when he gets home from work alot of the time thats when my shows come on & we spend no time together we have been together for so long i wounder if our marrige is going down the tube after i was diagnost with bipolar things change big time we ve been threw alot together i think it left dammage we have not had sex in like oh i dont know 5years or so i tried for the fist few years to be intiment but he turned me down each & evey time so he started to go to bed without getting a shower so i wouldent go near him he sweats all day mind you he dont smell or im use to it but to this day he gets his shower in the morning thats a hudge insult to me this very day thats my thinking is to why he dont shower before bed they way it looks to me is i will never have sex again cause he dont want me & im married so what r my options ?none im stuck ! i hope this note made sence if not im sorry for wasting ur time but im so frustrated & dont know how to get threw to him i wish he was more positive with my boys he is not that mean but i try to compliment everyday to let them know i care & he dont do that ok im done gotta go to store thanks for letting me vent !be back later ! moon

[Leed]

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble. It kinda sounds to me like your husband is VERY stressed about the money situation. I'm sure he really wants you to pay the bills, and get the kids their school stuff, but I just think he's worried about not having enough money.

Are you able to work perhaps part-time? Maybe that would help things, and ease his mind a little. Maybe you could think of something to earn money from home -- that way you could be home with the kids.

Perhaps couples counseling would help -- do you think he'd go? The fact that you haven't been intimate for so long is a sure sign of trouble somewhere. Try to get him to go.

I wish you the best -- please take care. Hugs, Lee

[bamboozled]

My hubbys just been diagnosed with bi polar and i feel like its seperating us alot, but then i have unresolved mental health stuff too so it could well be me in part helping us to seperate more... if we were that desperate, i guess id pray alot for direction, or choose to be in a cute nightie or something when he gets home...try and be creative, and whatever you do, dont get stuck!! there is nothing worse then feeling stuck, keep giving yourself options and changes, even if its just a routine change like a walk around the block with your son. Proper marriage, for what it is, take alot of grit... your trying to live with a whole other person, remember for every emotion or feeling you have, he probably also has one...I also know from my own experience that a house with mostly the essentials aids better living mentally and physically!I also feel guilt about summer holidays, but thats normal, honestly if we took them somewhere anyway, we would feel guilty if we didnt buy that memento, or win the teddy, or ride that horrible rollercoaster with them anyway, so really you prevented a whole lot of other guilt, we have wwhat we need already, ourselves, and when we just sit with our kids they bathe in our attention...
Hope you feel better soon,

[SpearOfTheLance]

I didn't read the whole thing but don't stress over it, guys just do that, I do it too. I do it without even thinking I am doing it.

Even recently - My wife lost her job last year and we've become very frugal, but I even get carried over. Like my wife bought school supplies and we put $$ for school a top priority. So when she said she bought this and that and this and told me the total, I was like your hubby in a way and sort of questioned her. My wife even went bargain hunting and saved us a lot, but I think just the stress of one income to support a family and uncertain work situation of mine probably makes me do that even when I don't even think I'm doing anything wrong.

Maybe it's a guy thing. Anyway just TELL HIM and he should listen. That's what my wife does to me and I calm down and come back to reason