lack of libido

Hi,

Just wondered if anyone else had a lack of libido with feeling depressed and/or stressed out and how its affecting their relationships? I feel guilty as my boyfriend is lovely but why should he suffer just because I feel blue?

I have had this issue for so many reasons.
-anxiety
-stress
-birth control
-antidepressant
you name it, it affects my libido
It is hard because he naturally has a higher sex drive than me and then when mine gets lowered farther...
Sometimes I've had some luck if I mentally work on it. Pretend like I am in the mood and eventually sometimes it becomes real. Like when you fake a smile and eventually you realize that it's real.

That is EXACTLY what I've been doing! Just faking to be in the mood. It's really hard to talk about as well because I don't want him to think it's because I've lost interest or not attracted to him anymore.

I think all men generally have a higher sex drive, but I just don't want him to feel rejected, and at the same time, not just "fake it" because that's not good either.

I think it is important to talk to him about. Open communication is key to having a successful relationship. And at first he may be upset but he should eventually realize that it's not about him, it's about your mental state.

Can you try anything new that would interest you. When I say fake it, I usually fake it before we get to that point. So I'll try to interest myself on the drive over. And then sometimes by the time I get there it's not fake. Is there anything he can do that you really like, let him know. Is there something you've always wanted to do? Plan it out.

Are you on any medication for you depression -that can play a part in this and it's perfectly reasonable to tell the dr you would like to change because of that side effect. Are you in T so the depression can be solved?

I didn't mean faking the whole thing, just to begin with as you said. Then sometimes I can get into the mood for it.

I'm not on any medication yet, i'm worried how it may affect my studies (which i know is insane because the depression is most likely to affect it). I'm just hoping with time and talking things out it will get better. I will really try and talk about it with him about it all when Im feeling a bit braver.

Ok I hoped that's how you interpreted it but I wanted to make sure. I understand wanting to avoid medication, I was the same way. You can to do therapy (a lot of schools have the option free) and hopefully that will help you feel better

Yeah I think talking things through is a better way for me. Sounds strange but even just after one day on here and actually writing down what I'm thinking I do feel slightly better. Good days and bad days I guess,

Thanks for replying x

Do you have time to go for a walk for about 30 to 45 minutes, 3x a week? Voluntary exercise can help with the effects of depression and it will help with blood circulation and that can help with libido. Walking can tend to be good for processing stuff that is on your mind. Of course, when you are depressed, the last thing you will probably want to do is move. At all. So I understand that getting in the habit may not be easy.

You can look at telling him what's going on, and your concerns about his well being, may be opening new levels of intimacy between the the two of you. Maybe he would be happy to just be with you when you have a bad day and are not feeling very frisky and it could make him feel good about it. Men don't look only for sex. Being needed, knowing he is someone you trust and feel you can depend on, is pretty powerful stuff. And who knows "just cuddling" can lead to something more.

Well we had a quick chat about it last night, I wasn't confident enough to talk about a lot of the depression stuff but we did talk about my lack of libido and he agrees about getting out exercising a bit more (might improve the chunky monkey appearance as well!). I will give this ago and start swimming if I feel up to it some days and hopefully things will improve.