[Starvin4Perfection]

I'm not sure what's going on with me. My bf and I broke up about two weeks ago, but decided to get back together, so we basically had a week break, but spoke every day (minus one). The whole time it just felt so unreal? We fought on and off for months and it came to a head when he decided he wasn't sure whether he wanted to be with me and compromise on traveling, or just travel whenever he wanted without feeling guilty. I told him a fair compromise (that he agreed was fair) but wanted to think about it because he was conflicted so we were gonna take a week without talking to gain some clarity. After a day of not talking, but the second day I just got mad about the whole thing and decided I didn't deserve it. I'm a good person and a good/understanding gf and I don't want to be with someone that has to "think" about what they want after a year and a half... so I said screw it. It was so amazingly hard to do, but I ended it.

I felt such a weird sense of relief after I said it, and the whole week I felt ok and lighter. I was doing totally fine during the days, didn't cry... but when we would text at night, it seemed sad for both of us and we decided to try to make it work later that week. I felt just really cautious about it. I didn't feel like the break up would last, but after we got back together, I was concerned it wouldn't change so I was guarded. As soon as I started letting my guard down, I did something dumb, and here we are again.

We may break up today, we may not, but I almost feel like I just don't care (it is my fault though... I did something kinda/really childish in front of his families house). Like I wish it would work, but I'm tired of fighting and he just isn't in the same place as me. I almost feel like I have to try too hard sometimes and get his left overs.

After the break up last week... I just feel kinda like "eff it"... "eff everything". Someone gets mad at me... eff it. I got called into the office at work and was spoke to for an hour about something dumb... eff it. Mike is mad at me right now, I feel bad, I screwed up, we may break up... I kinda don't want that, but eff it. If he doesn't want to be with me then ok... I wasn't put on this Earth to please everyone cuz you just can't do that. I'M the only one that can make me happy... Eff It!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Starvin4Perfection

I did something kinda/really childish in front of his families house). Like I wish it would work, but I'm tired of fighting and he just isn't in the same place as me. I almost feel like I have to try too hard sometimes and get his left overs.

Sound like you both have trouble with being yourselves? If you're doing something "childish" in front of his house and feel he's giving you his left overs, how you are approaching him might be as much a problem for you and his not knowing what he wants?

Other people can't make us happy; that's not their job. Their job is to make themselves happy and, in doing that, if we are on the same/similar page and working on making ourselves happy, we meet. If he is travelling and you don't want to, presumably you are doing something else besides travelling, something you enjoy! If all he's doing is travelling and you don't want to travel, you probably don't want to be with him.

He should not feel "guilty" for doing what he wants. He's in charge of his life and it comes first in his priorities. He does have to figure out the proportions of travelling versus being with you, not travelling (if you refuse to travel with him/don't want to travel in your own life) and that could take some independent thinking on his part, just as you would use the week you were apart to think about what you wanted your life to be like for you (not with him, but with yourself).

[Starvin4Perfection]

Originally Posted by Perna

Sound like you both have trouble with being yourselves? If you're doing something "childish" in front of his house and feel he's giving you his left overs, how you are approaching him might be as much a problem for you and his not knowing what he wants?

Other people can't make us happy; that's not their job. Their job is to make themselves happy and, in doing that, if we are on the same/similar page and working on making ourselves happy, we meet. If he is travelling and you don't want to, presumably you are doing something else besides travelling, something you enjoy! If all he's doing is travelling and you don't want to travel, you probably don't want to be with him.

He should not feel "guilty" for doing what he wants. He's in charge of his life and it comes first in his priorities. He does have to figure out the proportions of travelling versus being with you, not travelling (if you refuse to travel with him/don't want to travel in your own life) and that could take some independent thinking on his part, just as you would use the week you were apart to think about what you wanted your life to be like for you (not with him, but with yourself).

Hey Perna, thanks for the response. We both can definitely be childish and getting mad and peeling out in front of his family's house was something I'M embarrassed for doing too... it's really not like me to act like that.

I actually love traveling, I just don't have a job that gives me the time/ability to do so as much as he can. My bf is a pilot so his job is life is very dynamic. He can fly anywhere in the world for very cheap at a whim almost. He traveled a lot before he met me and has slowed down since. I'm ok with him traveling and I said if he wants to go one week a month anywhere in the US I don't care and if he wants to go on a long trip overseas... talk to me about it first. He actually liked the compromise; he just didn't like the restriction of having to talk to me. He's only home 3 days a week and they're work days, so I think I was being fair.

We love traveling and I can take days off here and there to go, and we have, it's just harder. All I wanted was to go with him on the bigger trips because he goes once a year and I have the ability to do that.

I've chosen to do what makes me happy now and I think that's where the "eff it" mentality came from. I want us both to be happy... and maybe we just aren't right for each other and I can accept that.