[DespondentDaisy]

Whether they think I’m easily duped or gullible, or even sometimes may think I’m being fake or have an ulterior motive. Sure, it upsets me a great deal, but in the end, it just makes me sad. I ‘m a friendly person by nature, and sometimes I feel like there isn’t any point anymore. The bad part is I’ve probably been ‘cold’ to the nice people at times when I’m just at my wit’s end from being treated crappily. Whether it’s from superficial or snobby people, or people who are by nature untrusting of people, or those who are simply 'all business.' That’s how I’m becoming more and more these days. It’s becoming harder and harder to maintain relationships. There are a handful of acquaintances’ that have the potential to turn into real friendships but it’s a struggle for me to maintain them amid all the people out there that I’ve described up above. Not only that. I’m a very lonely person, and I try not to come across as to nice or too ‘needy/clingy” I’ve grown apart from my childhood friends, both figuratively and physically- plus the few true friends I had in college (I had too many toxic friends that I no longer have contact with) I lost contact due to dropping and breaking my phone this one time towards the end of my senior year- though they could’ve called me, and I could’ve emailed them but time had made me shy, stupidly. Now I feel like I don’t know how to make friends anymore and/or sometimes I just feel like ‘who needs them,’ bitterly.Of course, I don't think I've ever really known how I've made friends, it's just sort of 'happened' which I'm sure is the same for everyone else, but now I feel maybe I'm an emotional cripple of something, I don't know.
So now, all I have is family and my boyfriend, who is so sweet- but I know the dangers of being too clingy to my family of my bf, I don’t want to push him or them away- I’m a wreck sometimes, and people I come across in my daily work life can really set me off and I just struggle to not let them knock me down /ruin my day. I work retail, (which I hate but settled after being laid off in 2009), and I’m currently studying for a new career (CNA) and it couldn’t come soon enough on days like today.

PS. I forgot to mention what really irked me today: noticing that another person (I've noticed a handful of people doing this to ma lately) who has always been friendly, towards me and everyone, notcieably looked like she'd rather not talk to me (I saw her see me and looked upset and wasn't convinceingly nice to me like I had done something and she couldn't wait to get away from me) WTF?! So upsetting! then I saw her be all friendly/normal to this other coworker of mine. I don't get it/ Stuff like this really gets to me.

[Sunna]

Ah the perennial tug of war between mind and heart. Kindness flows from the heart. It doesn't know or care whether people appreciate it, or take it as a sign of weakness, it wants to be kind because that is your nature, to be kind. Your mind, the ego, that's the clever one, always looking for number one, being so important, protecting you from being taken for granted, gets insulted when your kindness is taken the wrong way, taken advantage of, or unappreciated.

My advice is know your motives for being kind. If it were to merely to appear as a nice person to gain a benefit (an ego play) then it would matter how it is received, but if it is a natural heart kindness, then really, it doesn't matter. Ask your heart if it cares that you get thanks for a your kindness?

I hope this view may help you not allow your mind to close you up and miss opportunities to connect with good people, because your mind is all bristled up because some others wanted to use your kindness to get one over you.

Blessings

[DespondentDaisy]

[quote=Sunna;2012949]Ah the perennial tug of war between mind and heart. Kindness flows from the heart. It doesn't know or care whether people appreciate it, or take it as a sign of weakness, it wants to be kind because that is your nature, to be kind. Your mind, the ego, that's the clever one, always looking for number one, being so important, protecting you from being taken for granted, gets insulted when your kindness is taken the wrong way, taken advantage of, or unappreciated.

My advice is know your motives for being kind. If it were to merely to appear as a nice person to gain a benefit (an ego play) then it would matter how it is received, but if it is a natural heart kindness, then really, it doesn't matter. Ask your heart if it cares that you get thanks for a your kindness?

I am not looking for thanks, I just don't like getting, ahem '**** on' or treated meanly by people for no apparent reason.

[Sunna]

Excuse me then for being imprecise. I did not mean to apply any selfish motive, such as looking for thanks, but was trying to convey how kindness is kind for its own sake, in hopes that it may help you center yourself, and not be affected so much by people's reactions.

As to people not wanting to talk to you, they may have reasons of their own, nothing to do with you. Or maybe it is, from their perspective, "about you", but you have to realize it really is not. Imagine that I dislike some girl, because she wears a lot of makeup and speaks in high chirpy tones. Do you see how it is my judgment that's causing me to not like her? Someone else, less judgmental, may see the sweet kind soul of her.

It's a fact that not everyone will like you, no matter how hard you try. There is no point trying. When you are being good and they respond with badly, so be it. There is nothing you can gain by being pissed. Don't do any more favors for that person, that's all. But by becoming resentful, and bitter, you are losing chances of connected with people you may click better with.

[DespondentDaisy]

Thanks, I was just going to post a follow up. First of all, sorry if it sounded like I was snapping at you, I was just upset. I was just talking to my boyfriend and now I see that I can overthink things a lot. I know this normally, but often I get caught up in my emotions and forget- people can be tired and busy, no time to talk/no energy to; stessed, etc. I wish I didn't get worked up like that at times, I feel so stupid now. I lose my head sometimes. I recently (a couple of months ago) went off my medication (which was for both depression and anxiety) through the advice of my psychologist because I was thinking I didn't need it anymore and I was having bad side effects. I'm currently seeing how things go and perhaps I should go back on some sort of meds, but I don't know. For the most part I'm fine, but I feel like my social skills have been lacking as of late, and perhaps my perspective too. Anyway, have a nice evening. Thanks for listening, and caring.