[puzzclar]

I'm scared to let people in, but I've built up a lot of walls around me. Due to situations, and places. Any suggestions of how to let people in, and actually do things with people??

[Starvin4Perfection]

When you say you've built walls... what do you mean exactly? You won't let people know how you feel, you don't open up?? Trust and faith is probably the best way to let your walls down... you have to trust that them knowing this information about you won't hurt you or be used against you. Or figure out what made you build the walls so you can drop them.

[Silent_tsol]

Thank you for posting, I too have built up walls. A lot of them, from what I can tell, have always been there (?) and a few reinforcements have been built in the past year. I don't really have any advice on how to get them down, but I'll be following to see if anyone else does

[puzzclar]

What I mean by walls is I've experienced a lot of things that have influenced the walls. I was supspened twice from college, first time was because my roommate did NOT talk to me first before going to the manager, who had to go to the school, because of the anxiety attacks where affecting her. So after that I started to loose trust in people, and didn't want to tell them what I was/am going through. Also I've only had one relationship (boyfriend) and since that time, I have learned that People let me down a lot, so I don't let them in. And also all of the depression nasty thoughts, and anxiety have gotten in the way of a lot of relationships, due to the fact that I hate telling people about my past. If only I could say the truth, and talk freely without fear of people running away from all the hard stuff.

[eskielover]

To start with, you don't have to be open to people about your past until you feel they are close enough friends who really care about you after you have known them for enough time to feel comfortable or if something comes up in conversation, but it's just not wise to open up & share without really knowing the people you are sharing with. Most people don't need to know the hard stuff you have gone through. I truly believe in the "need to know" basis for everything in my past.

The thing with closing out people because you don't trust them & have been let down, doesn't allow the people in that you could possibly trust & who won't let you down either. Getting better at being able to discern who you can & can't trust is a good starting place for yourself to work on.

I would get involved in something that interests you that other people are involved in also (for me, it was the library reading group, then the horse riding group & Bible studies). I would meet a few people & talk & get to know them a bit at the surface level. At that point, it's possible to feel some connection with someone & then from there let the acquaintance grow a bit & see where it goes.

For us, I am involved in several different group that do riding together & many of us are in all of them & we ended up with one small group that really gets along very well & we have so much fun together & do all kinds of activities some horse related & some just social.

I am also very cautious now about who I get involved with as I have been burned many times & my trust issues are very high, but I also have found that if I withheld my trust altogether, I would have lost out on so many wonderful things in my life.

One just has to work on the discernment aspect of people & not get too close too fast. Let caution be a guide & slowly get to know others & observe & listen....rather than be the one doing all the talking....just some things I have realized through the years.