[gracefire57]

Hello, hopefully I am in the right area. I need help. I have been with my boyfriend less than six months but have known his for about a year and am noticing that his jealousy is getting out of hand. I am a very loyal, non-cheating individual. I don't believe in it and I don't believe in flirting either if you are with someone and I am very honest although as much as I stress this and also my friends and family as well (considering my family thought I would also make a great Nun) nothing changes his comments or accusations. Constantly when we are driving, he asks if I am looking at this person or that person when I'm not because I could care less, every day before he leaves or when I do, he tells me I better not be messing or talking to any guys, and suggests I would like certain men sexual better, and cheating, and on and on. It's really getting to me and I don't appreciate his suggesting that I would do these sexual things and desecrate my body to some of these things. It just disgusts me and I don't know how to get through to him that I am just not like that. To me, it's morally wrong to cheat and lie but I am constantly being consumed by his future and imagined accusations. It's interesting that most individuals trust their spouse or partner but yet a good portion end up cheating on each other although when an individual finds someone that is truly loyal they treat them as if they were cheating and accuses them of betrayal and lying. It just baffles me that whatever I say or do will never change his jealousy. I am getting pretty burnt out. I feel sad, I feel the need to hide my body and I am embarrassed about his imagined sexual accusations. Because I work in the public as a young librarian, I feel on edge when speaking with men. My boyfriend can also try to be controlling as well even though I am a very independent career woman. Any advice would be appreciated. I need help. Thank you.

Sincerely, Grace

[Soul Quake]

Break up.

[Leed]

Hi ~ This is only going to get worse, unless he gets some counseling. Since you've given him no reason to mistrust you, his behavior is totally out of line. He's not going to stop his accusations -- in fact it may even get violent! Many abusers start out this way -- and since he's also very controlling, it wouldn't surprise me if sometime he put his hands on you.

I'd get out of this relationship -- yes, I know you care for him, but unless you want to live a nightmare, you'd better look for someone who will treat you as a person -- not as a possession. I doubt you want to live like this forever.

God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Flooded]

HUGE red flag. Get the eff out of there!

[emptybee15]

[gma45]

Get out while you still can! Be safe.

[dirt69juggalo]

Leave him

[ACanthony]

Hello. I don't know if you exactly came to this board to get the advice to simply break up with him. So I don't know if simply 'break up' is great advice. The other posters are probably right. It could get worse. The controlling behavior is definitely not making you happy. You are probably better off single. But at the same time you care about him. And you probably enjoy his company (for the most part).
I think the question you have to ask yourself is: if you confronted him with his problem, do you think he could actually get better? Do you think he'd change? You can't change him. That is for sure. He has to do it himself.
You sound like a girl of faith. To me, whenever I have a problem with a relationship, I am sure to present it to the Lord first. Sometimes these situations seem hopeless. You probably don't know whether to leave (and it sounds like you are a catch and would have no trouble finding someone else) or to stay (after all, you probably do value his companionship). I would say do what feels right in your heart. To say 'break up' is pretty narrow minded. Afterall, you could have posted this right after a bad episode and have exaggerated his behavior, who knows? I have definitely posted things and then afterwards I realized the problem wasn't as big as I thought. Give it time and make a decision when you are level headed but above all else, make sure you are safe. Good luck to you.