[Datt]

I have recently split up with my boy friend of 3 years. I am not looking for another serious relations ship this soon but I have been going out with friends and having a good time. I met this guy who I though was really good looking while me and my girls were out having a drink. Turns out my girl friend knew him and introduced us. We hung out the rest of the night and had an after party at his house. Him and I talked most of the night, in that time he told me that he had an ex wife and 3 kids. He is also 10 years older than me, the age difference doesnt bother me, but I cant decide if possibly getting involved with someone with kids would be too difficult. I do not have any kids right now. I think he is probably a very good guy and has treated me like a princess in the very short time we have known each other. I have never dated anyone with kids and it kind of freaks me out! Yet I dont want to judge someone because they have kids already, or pass up what could really good?? What to do??!!

[porcupine2]

It never hurts to make a new friend but I hope you take it slowly. Just the fact that there are red flags concerning the kids is a caution sign. Talk to him and explain how you are still healing from your past relationship and would like to get to know HIM better before dragging the kids into it. Especially for the kids - it's not healthy for them to have people floating in and out of their lives either. If he's not willing to do that then I think you already know what you should do.

[Datt]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

It never hurts to make a new friend but I hope you take it slowly. Just the fact that there are red flags concerning the kids is a caution sign. Talk to him and explain how you are still healing from your past relationship and would like to get to know HIM better before dragging the kids into it. Especially for the kids - it's not healthy for them to have people floating in and out of their lives either. If he's not willing to do that then I think you already know what you should do.

Yes I totally agree, he did already mention that he would really like to get to know me and see where it goes and that if something did come of it he probably wouldnt introduce me to his kids for a while. Which I think is good, they definitely dont need people coming in and out of their lives. I know that me never having kids and him having 3 could make things very trick, but..... im just not sure what to do.

[porcupine2]

Ask yourself this - if you walked away today do you think you would have feelings of 'what if?' nagging at you? Or would you feel relieved? Something to think about.....

[Datt]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

Ask yourself this - if you walked away today do you think you would have feelings of 'what if?' nagging at you? Or would you feel relieved? Something to think about.....

I think I would definitely have feelings of what if or what could have been? I dont think I could walk away right now, I do want to take things slowly, but how do you do that when you start developing feelings for someone so fast?!

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by Datt

I think I would definitely have feelings of what if or what could have been? I dont think I could walk away right now, I do want to take things slowly, but how do you do that when you start developing feelings for someone so fast?!

Datt - I think you just answered your own question. It seems you want to explore the relationship further, and your feelings have already been guiding you. Just remember you have the power as to how far and how fast this new romance will go. When things start moving too fast for your comfort, then use your voice to speak up. It is better to find out right away if he will be supportive of you and understand you need to go at a slower pace.

[eskielover]

but how do you do that when you start developing feelings for someone so fast?!

You need to start learning how to control your emotions & not act on them. Use your rational mind when it comes to relations & keep your emotional mind there for after you get to know them & if they are worth bringing your emotional mind into the picture.

Practice, practice, & constantly keep thinking about being in control of yourself.....you are the only one who can control the slowness & guarantee that it goes slow no matter what. When you feel an uncomfortable feeling, don't let it keep going, STOP at that point. Always remember you are the one that needs to be in control of YOUR LIFE & no one else especially at this point in your life.

[Datt]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

Datt - I think you just answered your own question. It seems you want to explore the relationship further, and your feelings have already been guiding you. Just remember you have the power as to how far and how fast this new romance will go. When things start moving too fast for your comfort, then use your voice to speak up. It is better to find out right away if he will be supportive of you and understand you need to go at a slower pace.

Thank you so much, I am feeling more at ease already. I really do want to explore this realation ship more. At first I was a little worried and honestly I was kind of thinking what will my friends and family think. I know I should not be like that, this is my relation ship and my life, but the thoughts did run through my head.
So far he is so supportive with what ever I want and need. I dont think I have ever met anyone like him and I sure as heck have never had the priviledge of being in a relationship with anyone like him. We are not totally official yet we are taking it slow, and I am trying to keep it that way and I think he is too. It is still difficult though when you start to really like someone and you have all these emotions and feeling running through your head a hundred miles an hour

[Datt]

Originally Posted by eskielover

You need to start learning how to control your emotions & not act on them. Use your rational mind when it comes to relations & keep your emotional mind there for after you get to know them & if they are worth bringing your emotional mind into the picture.

Practice, practice, & constantly keep thinking about being in control of yourself.....you are the only one who can control the slowness & guarantee that it goes slow no matter what. When you feel an uncomfortable feeling, don't let it keep going, STOP at that point. Always remember you are the one that needs to be in control of YOUR LIFE & no one else especially at this point in your life.

I know I need to be in control of my self and my life, but man these feelings are just not that easily controlled. I will keep practicing though!