[LizaRaye]

I need some support and good advice

Im 25 years old and I am a college student. Last year I moved out of home (lived with both of my parents) to attend a university. While I lived at home both of my parents were abusive; my mother was physically and emotionally abusive. very controlling. She used to always provoke arguments, and physical altercaltions with me and I didn't understand why. always wanted control over every aspect of my life particularly finances, whenever I got money she demanded that she got half of it. I took the abuse because I had no where else to go and no one in my immediate family will help me. My sister and I are not that close, and she didnt care what I was going through even though I see her on a regular basis. Everytime my mom would hit me, or do something crazy I was blamed for it

Anyway, now I live on my own and I don't have a car. In the beginning I did but it broke down and I had to have it towed away. My mother every month helps me out by taking me to the market. (thank god for that) And while it seemed that our relationship was getting better she has not changed. see I recently have some money to buy a car but my mother refuses to help me get one. She makes up all these crazy excuses to not help me out. sometimes she complains that she has to help me out by taking me to the market every month and about the gas she burns coming up here...yet she outright REFUSES to help me get a car. I already have the money she just will not take me to go buy one.

I dont know anyone close enough to help me out in this predicament. my sister will not do it, for some reason my sister has never been the type to want to help me with anything. I never ask her for a thing and the few times I do its like pulling teeth to get her to help me. my father will never help me

I never can go anywhere, I literally am in my apartment the majority of the time except for when I go to class. My life is just passing me by. when I do catch the bus or walk to the market, I have like 3 or 4 men hitting on me, and asking do I want a ride with them in their car. I am not in the best of neighborhoods so this type of behavior is likely to happen. When I tell my mother this she just tells me to "watch my back". its really dangerous for me to walk alone or catch the bus with men always preying on you. I rarely walk to the store or go anywhere because of this. This is why I need a car

The worst is that she wants half of the money that I have to buy my car. She refuses to even help me cash the check because I wont give her half. How am I ever going to break free if she is always pulling me back??? I really need help. I dont know what to do. I am scared to ask anyoen for hlep in fear that they will take advantage of me

Welcome to the Community, LizaRaye. Have you considered asking someone you know at school to help you?

[LizaRaye]

I dont know anyone in my school who can help me. I am not close with any of the students to help me in such a situation

[AAAAA]

Hello LizaRaye and welcome to PC.

I am sorry that you find yourself in a situation where your parents will not help you or if they do that help has conditions. I do not mean to sound harsh, but you are 25 years old, what help exactly do you need from your parents to accomplish? It sounds as if you have all of your ducks in a row. You are living on your own and have hit a snag. You need a car. Do you want your mother to negotiate the cost of the car? Is it merely a transportation issue? If so that easily solved. If you feel public transportation to a dealership is unsafe, why not splurge on a taxi? Or cashing the check, what is preventing you from opening your own bank account?

It sounds like you are not going to be able to depend upon your family for the help and support you need. You’ve taken the first step and gotten your own place. Now it is time to stand on your own and do the things that you can without help. You may have been raised to believe that you need these negative, abusive people in your life but you really do not. You control your own destiny.

None of us can walk through this life completely alone. The next step is to form positive healthy relationships. Join a club, church, or organization to meet people with similar interests and values. Unwanted attention from the opposite sex is a fact of life for most people. If this makes you feel uncomfortable take proactive steps to deal with it. Find a T or support group through school to help you deal with the feelings this causes. If you feel unsafe take a personal defense course. Carry pepper spray and a whistle in your purse.

It sounds as if you believe that you cannot do this on your own, and that is clearly not the case. You will feel so much better when you start taking charge of your own life rather than waiting for your parents to “help”. I may be wrong, but it sounds like you are trying to justify your need for a car. If you want a car and have the money to purchase one, do it. You do not need their permission or approval.

[jadzea]

I don't know where you live but most communities have cab service. It can be expensive but in the long run it will get you where you want to go without any baggage from you mom.

[youOme]

You need the strenght to rely on yourself and yourself only. Dont tell your Mom about your money because your basicaly inviting her into your finances, she needs boundaries. I recommend buying a tazer or some mase, and be firm with those men who pursue you, tell them no! You can get a car, you can do whatever you need to you just need to get out there and get it done. I hope everything works out for you.

[lad007]

If you are planning on buying from a dealership they will come and pick you up, and let you take a test drive. They want to sell cars.
If you are planning to buy from a private owner they would be willing to do the same.