[wondering]

I have for a very long time claimed to be bi-sexual. Many times I wondered if I was really gay and just fighting it and now it is driving me nuts because I truly do not know. The only relationship that ever was truly emotionally fullfilling was with a woman but at the same time, it was never sexual. A relationship with men has never been emotionally fullfilling but I find myself rushing into sex. I have slept with woman before but the ones that I truly cared about, I would not rush into a sexual relationship. So I am really truly confused. Have I been fooling myself this whole time. Someone asked me the other day if I was gay and I have to say I was surprised. I asked a few of my friends why would someone ask me that and almost all of them agreed that when they first met me that they thought I was gay and not because I look like I am butch but just because there is something about me. Even my gay friends thought I was gay and still think I am in the closet. Please help me. How do I truly know if I am or if I am not?

[Nellgwynn]

Can't you be bisexual? According to psychological research (for what that is worth *S*), homsexuality and hetrosexuality is experienced on a continuum....it's not neccessarily an either or proposition. Some people the researchers say are 75% gay and 25% straight and some 50 / 50....some have gay relationships only 10% of the time. Very few people who have sex with same gender partners are 100% gay so these researchers ave found.
Also, athough most people who have sex with opposite gender partners consider themselves 100% straight, maybe they aren't daring enough to try having sex with someone of the same gender as themselves - in case they find out they enjoy the experience and then have to change their entire beliefs about who they are, what is "normal" and what is not.
I suspect that your mind and intellect responds pleasurably to the supportive, loving, environment that is more often found in the company of women, just the same way women do in the company of other women. Your body, however happens to respond to a mans touch the way most womans bodies do to a mans touch..i.e. it becomes aroused. This is not so different to the way most mens bodies respond to the touch of a woman....but these same hetrosexual males would all agree that a womans mind and emotional way of expressing themselves is way outside their understanding.
Be proud of what you are....a man who enjoys sex with one gender and emotional closeness with the other. Seems to me you have the best of both worlds.
Sue. P.