[pisceslove87]

Hi I have a problem. I moved from Trinidad to the U.S about 11yrs ago and left everything behind which was hard. As a kid u dont really think how it would affect u but there was this guy who i liked very much but i never knew if he liked me back. I came to the U.S and since it hurt so much to leave i suppressed all my feelings and put them in a box so to speak. After yrs of being rejected used and not being loved back by the person u love i remembered him the one who got away. i decided to use fb to find him and i did. I finally had the courage to ask him what i didnt yrs ago and it turned out that he did like me as much as i liked him but there was a downside he had gotten married I was crushed and i still havent been able to let go and to top it off he has a baby. I reconnected with an old friend from the place where i grew up and we started talking only problem is i think i love the other guy more than him i'm confused but i know the other guy doesnt or cant love me the way i want him to. I need advice should i end it with the guy i reconnected with and give him a chance to find someone or let someone find him and love him for the way he supposed to be loved or should i hold on to him so i would be alone. Either way i think its a lose lose situation because if i let the love of my life go and stay with the guy im not sure i love i'll be miserable and if i choose to let the guy i care about go Im alone but maybe thats what i need to be alone to work on being a better me please help me!!!!!!!!!!

[lynn P.]

I think you should totally leave the old married flame alone since he's married and has a baby. The other one who you're not sure of - how about you just be friends for now and be honest with him, then let him choose. If he chooses to move on, there's nothing wrong with being alone for a while - you don't have to feel, you must be with someone to feel complete as a person. You have no guarantee the married guy would work out and not being able to have him, makes those feelings even stronger and that's how affairs happen.

Well,to begin with,the one that you DO love ....is married.

You say you love him.Love entails wanting the very best for someone.

That means that his marriage should remain uninfluenced by you or anyone else.And just as you'd hope no one would disturb the sanctity of any marriage or intimate relationship that YOU have,I think it'd be the moral thing to do,to not interfere with his union by conversing with him in any flirtatious way that may disrupt the course of his choice of a wife.

As far as the guy you don't love,I think it'd be so painful if I loved someone and found that they'd been with me for the simple sake of 'not being alone'.

I also believe in 'karma'....we draw energy to our selves with our thought process,action,inaction,and so forth.So I would personally cringe at drawing this energy to myself.

Please do this one thing as you move forward,put yourself in the shoes of both men,and the one wifes shoes.Imagine anything you do as someone doing it to you.

Now,if you can be honest with the man that you don't love.If you find value in him.If you feel a connection with him.If you think you have the ability to be a good friend to him and you say clearly,I need you to understand that I am not 'in love ' with you,but,I care for you,and would love to spend time with you,then it is his choice to accept ....or not.

But,imo,honesty or consideration in all things.... if possible,should have the utmost precedence in the decisions we make where it affects others.

Just my thoughts.I certainly have screwed things up throughout the course of my life.And you asked specifically for 'advice'.