[DivorcedWoman]

I had a bad manic episode 4 years ago and my ex and his family completely sabotaged me and dropped me from their lives. My sister is still very close with my ex and his large family which has been hard on me.

My sister recently got engaged and they are throwing an engagement party for her. She lives an hour flight away or 7 hour drive. I was trying to work things out so my son and I could go and communicated this to her. She mentioned that my ex's family's name and said she was inviting them. I thought it was my ex"s parents only but I received the eVite yesterday and it includes my ex-husband, his parents and all his brothers and their wives. There are not many people invited to the party so it would be extremely uncomfortable for me to attend. I decided not to go, but didn't say how hurtful this was and why I really wasn't going as I don't feel I can do that with my sister. She has made it clear that they will be in her life.

They say they are waiting a year to get married, but if that's the way the wedding will be I have no desire to attend. I know I'm thinking of it already, why worry now, but it's how I feel.

Thanks for listening.

[Caretaker Leo]

(((gentle hugs)))

This sounds like a very complex relationship issue. It is your sister who is engaged and planning a wedding. The fact that she remains so close to your ex's family... could it perhaps be that there are unresolved issues that you haven't yet shared with your sister? Does she have a true understanding about what happened during your manic episode 4 years ago - and did the episode impact her in a way that you are not aware of?

My questions are not meant to judge - only to try to better understand your situation.

[madisgram]

there have been times i have chosen to distance myself from family. if you'd feel uncomfortable to go, then that's ok not to go, imho. perhaps when she marries you'll want to be there to honor her.

[lad007]

Your sister has made it clear they will still be in her life, so it is up to you to try to deal with/get over what has happened with your ex and his family. When I've been manic I've done some terrible stuff, not saying you did but it happens.
You mentioned you have a son, don't you want your son to grow up and know that parents break up, and while they don't always get along, they can come together and attend family gatherings such as this?
I am bp also, and sometimes we are too sensitive, think "it's all about me", read too much into what people do and say, etc.
Maybe this would be a good time to break the ice in a social situation and put old demons to rest, smile and nod for a few hours for the sake of your son and sister?
I'm sure you don't want to miss your own sisters wedding next year over this.
Just think of all the time you are already spending emotionally fretting and being upset, anticipating missing the wedding because you are pissed about something that happened 4 years ago. Maybe you could put that time into learning how you can get to that wedding, learning to forget past hurts and wrongs?