I'm so confused...

Sorry in advance if this sounds a bit jumbled but I'm not in the greatest places right now and I just needed to write something down.


So basically a few weeks ago this guy randomly added me as a friend on some website and we kind of started sending a few messages to each other from that. Then he asked to add me on skype and since then for the last couple of weeks just about every day for hours on end we'd talk to one another.

Then literally after about a week of talking on skype he asked me to meet up with him. Obviously at first I was a bit wary because obviously I hadn't been talking to him for long but I eventually agreed only because I was meeting him in the afternoon in the middle of a busy town.

The day actually was okay. He was really nice to me and kept throwing dozens of compliments my way causing me to get all shy. He brought me lunch as well and he even hug me a couple of times and held my hand once. It sounds kind of silly when I write it down since I barely knew him but no guy has ever paid me that amount of attention before and I liked it a lot. I've never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy or anything.

But the thing that ruined it was the fact that I am so so shy. I could barely talk to him and sometimes I'd just stand there awkwardly because I couldn't answer him. He kept telling me that he didn't mind but even if he was telling the truth I minded a lot. My shyness has ruined everything so many times and I didn't want it to ruin something else.

Since that day though.. (Exactly a week ago) We have been continuing to talk everyday on skype and I think I like him a bit but I don't know. I'm so so confused. Today he told me that he really liked me a lot and that in the future he might ask me out... and now I'm freaked out more than anything. I mean I've never had a boyfriend and then suddenly this guy comes out of nowhere. I feel like it's going so fast though I can barely catch up even though really nothing has happened yet. This is just all so completely weird for me. I honest thought I'd be alone forever.

I've also wanted a boyfriend for so long but now I'm I could I don't want one. I mean for a start I'm too shy too talk and I don't think it will get any better. Plus I just feel like a right mess. I'm kind of struggling so much right now and I just not sure I can deal with having a boyfriend or anything. I don't partically want anyone to find out that I self harm and stuff but I'm going to feel like I have to say it. I mean I'd rather have him find out soon rather than later.

This whole entire post doesn't really make any sense and I'm probably just being stupid... I mean I'm obviously going to wait this out longer. I'm seeing him on Monday again I think. But I guess I'm just worrying in advance. I'm so depressed right now I can't even think straight. Does this all just sound silly? Do I only like him because he's the first guy that's paid any proper attention to me? :/