Why do Men/Guys do that!?

Worrying about their career ,so that they cant keep in touch ENOUGH with the girl with whom they previously used to talk A Lot...why do they do that? Very annoying! :@ why cant they simply tell us they are no more interested in talking or being friends or whatever.

And when the girl pulls away judging from the guy's behavior that he doesnt want her anymore, they blame it on us instead that she's the one who's ending it. This is so hilarious!

In my experience, men like to keep things going until something else comes along. You may be good enough for the time being, but as soon as something *better*comes along, he's moving on.

Don't get me wrong. Women are also very guilty of this. In my opinion, it's just easier for men. Especially, if sex is involved.

I don't know. Just a thought.

What's that old saying? A monkey doesn't leave the branch he's on til he has another branch to grab onto.

It is my experience that a lot of men don't have many real friends or other activities they are interested in as much as their work. When they become interested in a woman, they can seem to treat her as an extension of their normal life, just sort of squeeze her in as if she's another work project? So, when the woman turns out to have a will and desires of her own, that is surprising to them; as if a work project were to sprout complications that threaten its completion. Obviously it's the project that is causing the problems, he's not "doing" anything different?

Perna, your comment here means a lot to me because I think it pertains to my current situation. You can read about it in my thread The Thrill of the Chase is Gone in Relationships & Communication forum.

I think you are right when you say that when a man sees that the woman has desires (needs) of her own, it is surprising to them. I agree with this because I think a lot of men are very selfish & egotistical. Again, women are also guilty of this. I don't want to be sexist in any way, but this has been proven to me time and time again with men.

I think this is a problem with culture (and yes men AND women are both guilty of this). This society is a ME ME ME culture. We are taught that we need to get ahead. Just look at the TV shows that promote this. i.e. Survivor, it promotes manipulating others to get what you want. The society is a very selfish society. The whole Golden Rule of love your neighbor as yourself is sometimes non existent. People are nice but sometimes they are only nice if it benefits themselves.

So naturally, men do value their jobs over treating their girlfriends/wives with respect and giving them time. It's a problem with society. It's also a problem with the nature of striving. Men get a better job. Are only satisfied for so long. Strive for a better job. Then a better car and so forth. They aren't happy with what they have. And ultimately, when it all boils down to it, people have a lack of love in their life. And when they have this lack of life, they have a void inside, and turn to various things to fill that void, either addictions, or working too much, etc.

I think men ,or boys for that matter, should Promise Anything to the gals if they are gonna be so busy in their own life. Women deserve better than hollow n fake promises!

Women do the exact same thing.

Just my take... This can happen if the man isn't as into the woman as she is into him. Men can go from a sexual or romantic relationship to just a platonic one more easily than women... IMHO.

I have recently been in that bind myself. Some physical things happened between myself and a friend that really should not have. I backed off and told her I wasn't interested in any serious relationship with her but she can't seem to let go. She keeps holding out hope, buying me gifts and and inviting me to do group stuff that turns out to be just me or with another couple. I do not want to lose the friendship by being more forceful and telling her again that I am not attracted to her in that way. (which I have already done on more than one occasion). I don't want to insult her. She had already put me on the spot and kept asking the real reasons why. It has gotten a bit frustrating to tell the truth. I feel she is making us out to be more than we are to other people. Why does it have to come down to an all or nothing deal?

Sometimes I think it is just easier for men to bail entirely rather than be in this type of situation. And I do think the same happens the other way around too.

When I was in college back in the 70's, I went out with this guy a few times, but we had different values that didn't match well. I was just talking to him once about his dating style & he said that when he knew he wasn't interested in the girl, he would create a situation that would make her want to break it off. It said it was a lot easier to deal with the women who wanted out then to hurt their feelings by rejecting them. I strongly think it was less a concern about hurting then & more that he didn't want to deal with the emotional crap of a woman chasing after him after telling her HE WASN'T INTERESTED.......his comment really stuck with me.

Me, I always had to be the more honest person though. I usually knew after a couple of times of going out with a guy whether I could be interested in them for more than a friend......& none ever seemed to get past that point. Many I stayed friends with just because both of us could stay friends & usually enjoyed horse back riding or sports of some sort. But I was always up front with them at that point that I was not interested in being anything more than friends. I had a couple of guys that didn't give up easy & didn't accept that I would never be interested in more than a friendship. I can understand at that point why one would want to do something to make them make the decision rather than to hurt them with rejection.

@eskielover...... Exactly! Thats my point. They create a situation or come up with such excuses which force a woman to rethink whether she Really wants to be with this guy or wants an out. In my viewpoint, this is not really concern.

Im sorry if it sounds like m against everything guys do or say. I just dont understand why'd they do those few things.

It seems that women take it more personally if you tell them you just want to be friends. They want to know why. And you can't just tell them that you aren't attracted to them. Let's be honest, it often comes down to looks or some major personality issue that would probably offend them if they knew. A man can be physical with a woman he is not that attracted to. She, on the other hand, takes sex to mean emotional intimacy. It's this type of woman who makes it harder on the woman who can handle the situation and not get so emotional.

To the O.P,you really haven't divulged much about the contents of this personal relationship....and then I am hearing a lot of personal opinions based on speculation and conjecture.
Men,women,and relationship content has so many variables to be considered.The examples set in ones youth,how one interpreted all the messages of what men and women should be in a relationship,era....to a degree.The way two people interact.
Another fine point is that there are as many messed up women out there towards men as vice verse.I do mean to say that I am a woman,43....and I have witnessed manipulative,abusive,controlling women,and have seen it come from men as well....I just think that in order to address the o.p appropriately one requires more info on the dynamics of the situation.JMO.

I guess the important factor here is not to go round 'giving it up' to someone you don't know well enough,and then expect something that wasn't implied.

I personally am not a casual type.And,if one is cognizant about the persona they are entertaining/dating...they'd know ahead of time where the man/woman's mind is.Observe...observe....observe.Think...know yourself....and pay attention.Because when you do that...there are no surprises.

OMG! funny! my brother has NEVER spent a night alone since his teen years.

There's a lot of generalizing here but also a lot of good food for thought, indeed for several threads at least.

The career thing...Many women are equally career-driven, as well they should be. Progress is coming but women continue to be denied equal opportunity in the workplace, denied the very real freedom they need to find fulfillment in their lives, With good reason, they are trying to make up for lost time. Sadly, women are still paid 75% of what their male counterparts typically earn. Also, for every woman who has the knowhow and wherewithal to use this forum, I'm sure there are an equal number who have little access to avenues of escape from abuse, poverty, mental illness, etc. The means for women to find pathways to economic and personal freedom remains very much dependent on circumstances. Therefore, for these reasons alone, I would never begrudge a woman for wanting to focus on a career. However, I have not, in my experience, met a woman who used their career as an excuse not to get involved with me. As I said, I would respect and understand it if they said as much.

Could this excuse, whether used by a man or woman, mask the real reason? Sure it can. It can also BE the real reason. Again though, if they liked me, they made the time and expended the effort to make it work. If a person is interested in you, they MAKE the time.

I would also agree with the OP's advice; don't give yourself physically to him until he has proven himself to you. If helpful, make a list of things he must satisfy before taking the next, intimate step. Most men, unless they are gay or impossibly saintly, will take the opening if they can see it. Even if you are sure of him, things can change. Men and women are unpredictable, to each other, sometimes to themselves, so expect the unexpected. But that doesn't mean they have to be eternally mysterious. Dig a little deeper and you will find the motive behind nearly everything. But if a man says he has to focus on his career, let him focus on his career. Find someone who is willing to also focus on you. Don't dwell.

Is this true. Tell me what you all think about this statement.

until men are in a place in their lives where they are ready to settle down no matter how great you are it is not going to work

I know plenty of men who settled down when they shouldn't have. Lol

I don't agree with the statement. Most people go naturally with their feelings. Feelings of love can definitely get in the way of logic.

My boyfriend and I have "settled" and he's just working and soon to be starting school full time.

I would say that he was ready to settle way before I was, but I'm content in the relationship and wouldn't leave him unless the world was ending. (He thinks I'm the greatest thing since slice cheese too)

I think it is easy to become jaded and it doesn't matter what gender you are.

Guys Definitely have more excuses than we have.

Ok so here's the latest excuse. I know For sure that he's free at the moment and would usually reply to my texts....after a very 'busy' day. Well, he is not. N the excuse is oh he's not used to typing from this spare cell phone he's using right now. I want to bang my head into wall rite now! :@

Im gonna break it off with this guy. I dont love him. He said he loves me but my gut told me that he doesnt mean it. N now its proved that he Definitely doesnt love me cuz he is behaving strangely which is totally unacceptable.

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship problems today n that led me to view some of my previous posts on PC

Current situation: i love Eric. But i also know that i cant have him. Can Never have him. And... It seems that he aint a very nice person afterall, except his affection for a few ppl.

heres another thing that guys do.. they get all upset if you act anything less than infatuated with him but as soon as they had their fill of you they ditch you like a used tissue