[gashly]

I recently finished the book "Get Me Out of Here". There's a chapter where the author discusses her hatred of being female, and I keep thinking about it. I think about how I feel treated by others, and how it affects my relationships.

As a kid I wanted to "be a man", I hated everything having to do with "femininity", dolls, pink, dresses, make up, crying and rebelled against them. I am still uncomfortable with people crying, it freaks me out. And I hate dresses.

As an adult when a male ex cried, I felt caught between embarassment, because he was crying, he was a man crying, wanting to comfort him, wanting to help him get what he needed, but wanting to stand my ground with my needs. When I cry I feel humiliation and shame.

I hate that women are derided for the stereotypes of being "feminine". That it's mocked and considered weak.

I hate that whenever you see a woman, you praise or deride her beauty, but with a man, you praise his accomplishments or strength. What about my accomplishments? How about how strong and smart and competent I am? How bout mocking men for their unattractiveness, and beating them down?

I hate that I'm caught between trying to be tough, but not being "a b***h". That I have to sacrifice my needs for someone else.

I hated that men can do whatever the hell they want. They can be whatever the hell they want. f*** them.

I hated watching the women in my family placate the f***ing patriarch, what about our needs? Or that when I was 16 a 12 year old boy was sent along with me and my younger family members "for protection". I was the biggest, strongest, and oldest. It was up to me to look out for everyone.

I have f***ed myself over many times, by giving up what I wanted, to make others happy, both to childhood friends, male and female, and today.

I don't like pink. I don't want to be expected to be a certain way. But I want it to be ok to be vulnerable. Not to be mocked when I say "I need a hug". Not to be judged just based on my physical appearance. I want someone to love me for who I am, not just tell me that I have "a pretty face". I want to be valued and respected in society for who I am. I want to do what the hell I want without being expected to sacrifice. And I don't want to measure up to a f***ing man.

I am f***ing fed up with this s**t.

[bpdruins]

I hate that whenever you see a woman, you praise or deride her beauty, but with a man, you praise his accomplishments or strength. What about my accomplishments? How about how strong and smart and competent I am? How bout mocking men for their unattractiveness, and beating them down?

I guess that's just natural instinct. It doesn't mean anything. A lot of beautiful women are self-centered manipulators. Even though they're attractive most men will avoid them because they are a pain in the *** and shallow. Men still look for women that have accomplishments and strength, and good character. And indeed, men do get ridiculed for their unattractiveness as well. There used to be this kid in high school that used to be constantly ridiculed because he had a giant mole on his cheek.

I hated that men can do whatever the hell they want. They can be whatever the hell they want. f*** them.

I'm pretty sure you can do whatever you like too. I used to think that only males did computer engineering for example, but actually when I got my first job it was mainly females doing the work. A female ran the company also.

I have f***ed myself over many times, by giving up what I wanted, to make others happy, both to childhood friends, male and female, and today.

Its never a good idea to give up your own needs for friends. I can see giving up your needs for your children, but not friends.

I don't like pink. I don't want to be expected to be a certain way. But I want it to be ok to be vulnerable. Not to be mocked when I say "I need a hug". Not to be judged just based on my physical appearance. I want someone to love me for who I am, not just tell me that I have "a pretty face". I want to be valued and respected in society for who I am. I want to do what the hell I want without being expected to sacrifice. And I don't want to measure up to a f***ing man.

People always judge based on appearance, men and women. BUt like I said it doesn't mean anything. Taking time to get know someone the attraction of outward appearance can fade. I know I dated a girl in high school who I thought was very attractive, but she was seriously annoying so I dumped her. If she were a nice person, and had interesting tastes/interests I would have stayed with her. I actually was more attracted to various other girls who weren't quite as attractive but had better interests in music, art, etc.

[ChipmunkGal]

Kudos gashly! I agree with at least 40% of your point of view. I can understand your frustration though. It is such a struggle to deal with sexism.

[tohelpafriend]

interesting post, gashly. we have to keep fighting the male dominated culture and stereotypes against women. my ex and I, on first "date" played piano for each other, after much wine, and he never said one good thing about how well I played! they expect all the praise. I learned alot recently when I finally caught up with watching "Domino" from 2005, seeing how strong that character was...went for her goals, but made bad decisions. Same actress in new movie (very bad one), showed her in a simpering, nail biting, passive role. Our culture sends a myriad of mixed messages about women. I think it takes a very mature guy, having been pretty well brought up without abuse to appreciate the beauty, accomplishments and absolute value in all women's lives. I'm learning to just forget the jerks locked into their stereotypes. I don't try to live up to what anyone thinks about me anyway...some men still view women as disposable pleasure and that really makes me burn...I will continue to ask for my needs to be met without apology. Battle on....