I just want to end everything already..

I'm madi and i am 15 years old. I know I am young but i just want all this stress and pressure to go away and I just want to end everything now. this all started when my dad, or who i thought was my dad started to verbally abuse my mother in the 6th grade. Most of the time he was drunk and that is when his rage truly came out. They soon got a divorce because my mom thought he was dangerous. Soon after we left he sent me a text saying he wanted nothing to do with me because i was not his biological daughter. My mom admitted she has been lying to me and my real dad left me when I was 2. I dont know anything about him because my mom does not want me to. The divorce was ugly and my mom had to get 2 jobs and I never saw here, so I had to grow up fast. While my mom was at work I did the household work made dinner, the laundry, put myself to bed, and everything. On top of that I had to handle my school work and sports which was my life. i only got to see my mom an hour a week which was terrible because she was my best friend. one year later in the 8th grade my mom met a man who changed our lives. He was like a second father to me. because of him we got a better house and my mom got to quit one of her jobs. It started off so good but then he tried to act like my dad and my mom always took his side, so now me and my mom are pretty much enemies. I know I sound like that dramatic teenager but I sometimes just want to scream on the top of my lungs and tell her what is actually going through my mind. She always tells me I am doing this all for you which is a bowl of ****. She does it all for herself. I have fallin into a deep depression this past year. I have been starting to get bullied, losing friends, wondering who my dad is, thinking about death, attempting to cut, and attempting just to end my life. I have also been suffering major mood swings. They are not just mood swings from my period, I am seriously worried. i feel I am Bi polar but I do not know how to tell my mom with out her yelling at me saying im being over dramatic. I am scared and I feel so lonely. I have been doing a lot of thinking the last month about everything, and how i am just letting everyone down and how everyone thinks i am just one big screw up. I just want to end everything and go to a better place where i know god will watch over me and take good care of me. If you have any advice please help.....I just need someone to talk to...please.

Sweetheart you must get some help--a therapist and see a dr. and then maybe get meds or depression or bipolar

You have had a hard time of it--and being a teen is hard enough.

Please please talk to your mom or the counselor at school or help.

You are right. You need someone to talk to... These things you are going through; they can be addressed. You can get better. Tell a trusted adult.

Hello madisontaylor and welcome to PC

You certainly have had more than your share of stressors come your way in the past few years. No wonder you are feeling down. You need some support and some distractions. Are you able to talk to your mom about how you perceive she has changed recently and you need her support? Can you talk to a counselor at school who might be able to help you find a therapist or can you ask your mom to find you a therapist?

I don't know how much I would say to your friends. Even if they care about you very much most fifteen year olds don't have the answers to your problems. I might rather keep them for distraction. You need some positive distractions to find some enjoyment in life despite the challenges. Maybe go with a friend to a movie, listen to some music or the sports that you enjoy at school.

If you need someone to listen this is the place. I am glad you have joined us.

madisontaylor- Psych central is a great place to get out some of your thoughts, especially if you do not have some where to go to get them herd- but with you being 15 and you are in school- is there any way to talk to a counselor about this stuff. if one thing i wish i would had done different it would be to have starting to get help earlier than at 24 almost 25... family issues as a teen and mood swings, and bad thoughts, I would not think to take lightly... I hope you the best and that talking to your mom goes well.

hugs your way and best wishes

Dear Madison,

My father, a merchant mariner, was away from home many months at a time. During his absence, my status in the house hold was elevated. I was my mother’s best friend, confidant and companion. When my father returned from a trip, I was relegated to my role as a child in the household. As happy as I was to see my father, the change his presence commanded did not sit well with me. I resented my father for treating me like the child I was, and felt guilty for resenting him.

The problem wasn’t the way my father treated me, in this regard, it was the way my mother treated me. She treated me like a peer when I wasn’t. She made me her friend for her benefit. Such relationships are known by the following names: emotional incest, covert incest and psychic incest. I am not suggesting there was any sexual activity between us. However, there was an unhealthy dynamic. A dynamic where a child loses a parent, not terribly unlike what transpires when there is actual physical incest.

Do you think this phenomenon applies to you?

You have my support,

Larry