[crazyluv]

My wife and I have been married 25 years and have a really good relationship.
she would be considered very good looking and has always caught the interest of men. I am sometime jealous but completely trust her. She has a lot of freedom she goes out with her girlfriends allot and girls weekend a few times a year, these are people i know well and completely trust them. Recently someone new started at her work and he was telling her that his wife died a few years back and he is very lonely. He is in his mid 50's but has a 26 year old girlfriend and told my wife he is only with her for the sex. I find that kind of disturbing, but she had told me all of this, she also mentioned that he was a personal trainer also and could train her as she was trying to lose some weight. I told her not a good idea i didn't like the way this was sounding. this was back in June. she is off all summer so never heard any more about this. now September starts and they are back to work. Everything seems normal. she would mention all the other males at her work by name and tell me various things that happened but she never spoke much of the new guy. Probably thought i would be jealous.She has been working out and lost some weight and looks good. i am somewhat jealous of her interaction with other males because she is overly friendly and jokes about sexual things and i tell her sometimes people might get the wrong idea, but she says i a big girl and can take care of myself don't be worried or jealous.
We having been having a much better sex life recently and when we were out she bought these real sexy outfits that i loved, and that night she was modeling the clothes for me and said hey take a picture of me for your phone i look pretty good, which i did. That is something she would never do in the past but i didn't think much of it she normally doesn't like her picture taken especially revealing photos. Then this is what struck me really odd she asked me to send the pictures to her phone. I joked with her and said what are you going to show the guys at work she said no but they are of her and she wanted a copy which i did.
That was a Saturday night. Monday came and she gets done work early in the afternoon and we usually talk right after she gets done and she mentioned she might be going out to dinner with some girls from work tonight and the to the gym. I don't know these girls as well as some of her other friends, but no problem. we were home together around 4pm and she had been sending text messages back and forth she said to the girls and got a text around 5pm and said ok i am going to meet them a the shopping center for dinner and then stopping at the gym so i won't be right home.
I just had an uneasy feeling about this and i can't say why but it didn't feel right if that makes sense. I had been doing my expenses for work and my daughter had just got a new phone and i was looking at our cell phone provider web site and checked her data usage and realized you can get a history of text sent and received. I need to say this i have never looked in my wife's phone or checked her messages ever. But i felt suspicious and checked. all day Monday there were probably 40 message back and forth to this one number and no one else. and 2 picture messages,could have been the photos don't know. so now i am curious we have a backup assistant for the phone numbers in her phone so i look it up and it was from this guy not her friend, wow. so i looked back and Friday night Saturday i saw message back and forth and time line was always when i was out of the room or on an errand. I figured i would give her the benefit of the doubt and check her phone and read the text maybe this guy went with them as they all work together instead of jumping to conclusions. she came home around 9:45 and said she saw one of our good friends at the gym and i know that was the truth. she got in the bath tub and i went and checked her phone and every message from this guy was erased. RED FLAG is now up. So i talk with her, how was dinner asked about all the girls and then i said was there any guys there and she said no. i said are being honest and she flipped out i can't believe you would think that 25 years of marriage and you don't trust me i am not even talking about this. she became so enraged and stormed off to the bedroom. I told her i knew when she was sitting her a 5pm and texting it wasn't her girlfriend but this guy and no messages all day from any girls. after much badgering she told me that she met him for dinner and then coffee after that and took him to a buying club we belong to so he could get some things and went to the gym then home and that was the truth. She says she didn't tell me the truth originally because i wouldn't have not liked her going to dinner with a single guy i would be jealous so that is why she lied. I felt really hurt over this and have had anxiety ever since. I told her no more of this it not right. so she told him no more texting because her jealous husband doesn't like it. and she did tell him i found out about dinner and was pissed. He said he didn't mean to cause any problems and was sorry he is just friends. So far no messages or calls between them for 4 days. She said she was sorry and it won't happen again and i want to believe her but trust is now an issue as she looked me right in the eyes and lied. I asked my oldest daughters advice and she said it was probably an emotional affair where they were talking about his loss with his wife dying and connections they have at work and she probably didn't physically cheat. I did ask her a few days later what they talked about for 2 hours or more and she did talk about me and he is very lonely and can't relate to his 26 year old girlfriend so he like talking with my wife.
I have forgiven the incident but wanted to ask for your input as I am confused. I don't know what was said on the text or if she sent those pictures so i am trying to move on. any advice?

[lad007]

Well I would be very suspicious too. I don't think that is appropriate behavior for a married woman, and I am fairly certain she sent the sexy picture to him. The fact that she deleted the messages and got so upset at you when you confronted her, and put it back on you when she was the one in the wrong is just not right.
If he needs someone to talk to he can go to a therapist so don't let her use that as an excuse. And I'm not sure about it not being physical I know when I go to the gym I shower there, I don't come home and take a bath. Just someone from the outside looking in. I am a women and it really sounds like a bunch of bs.

[crazyluv]

Thanks i appreciate your take on this. I now will be keeping a closer eye on things. But i hate not being able to trust her, now everytime she go out i will be wondering if she is lying. I thought about tricking her by saying verizon is sending me copies of the photos that were sent and see if her story changes but if im wrong and it was innocent i could drive her away from me Any thoughts

[alliwantislove]

i dont thinkg she physically cheated. i feel there is a connection between them. i would feel uneasy as well. especially since she lied about her going out with him. that was uncalled for how does she expect for u to trust her with this person if she lies about being around him. it good that u confronted her about it dont feel bad. you told her what u felt and that it bothered you.

dont over stress about it but i would keep an eye out. i believe you have met her friends or people she interacts with? why hasnt she introduced u to him?

am very happy to hear that you have been married 25yrs and have a good relationship, dont hear that much often nowadays.

also she says that ur "jealous" about the guy and dont trust her. ur showing concern and ur worried and u feel that she is hiding things which at one point she did. explain that it really bothered u and hurt u and how does she expect for u to not b
suspicious when she is lying. have u asked her if she sent those sexy pics of herself to him?

[crazyluv]

I did ask about the sexy pics and she denied it saying she did
't remember sending any pics but maybe it was a pic of this huge meal she prepared. And sometimes she does send pics like that.i was going to tell her i requested copies of pics sent from our provider which isnt possible but wanted to see her reaction. Good idea or should i let it go

[lad007]

Well if it was my husband I would be getting a membership at that gym to see what is going on. I think it is great that you are trying to work on the trust with your wife, but I see you are struggling a lot.

[alliwantislove]

Originally Posted by crazyluv

I did ask about the sexy pics and she denied it saying she did
't remember sending any pics but maybe it was a pic of this huge meal she prepared. And sometimes she does send pics like that.i was going to tell her i requested copies of pics sent from our provider which isnt possible but wanted to see her reaction. Good idea or should i let it go

i would just let it go and take her word for it. i believe if you do that , even thought its not possible, it would add fuel to the fire. and she would just fire back with the are you testing me card.

like i mentioned before just keep an eye out. you dont want to become obsessive about it and start to push her away.