[gashly]

I don't know why, but I assume that since I'm trustworthy and honest, that other people I like or attracted to are as well. Unfortunately it seems most people (particularly men for some reason), are not. Apparently being honest not important to them nearly as much as avoiding people being upset. That kind of thing angers me. I hate that women are described as "weak" or "passive" or "manipulative", when it seems most men are so weak and cowardly and manipulative that they can't even be honest and open, why hide things? I really feel sometimes a lot of female stereotyping is men projecting what they are or fear onto "the other" so they don't have to contend with their flaws.

I feel conflicted because I hate being alone, I feel like my life is meaningless and empty, but I don't think it's worth getting close to anyone again. It's seems it's not worth getting my heart broken repeatedly.

I feel like I can't trust "friends" not to betray me either, I don't understand why people discuss your private life behind your back and then people start treating you differently or distancing themselves. I don't like to do this to people, as it makes me feel ******. At least I know one person who is honest enough to tell me not to tell her anything I want to be kept private because she is unable to. I appreciate that.

Why can't people (at least the ones I meet/know) be honest and trustworthy? Why is it when you are these things people just screw you over repeatedly?

It would be so nice not to feel alone anymore...

[odoyle]

Originally Posted by gashly

I hate that women are described as "weak" or "passive" or "manipulative", when it seems most men are so weak and cowardly and manipulative that they can't even be honest and open, why hide things? I really feel sometimes a lot of female stereotyping is men projecting what they are or fear onto "the other" so they don't have to contend with their flaws.

As a trustworthy, devoted man who has been manipulated to some extent by every woman I have ever been with, I take offense to that. Am I saying that "women" in general are manipulative? Not at all.

I think it's more appropriate to say that "people suck" and leave the gender bias out of it.

[gashly]

I said "most men" and "seems" and put a trigger icon, obviously you were triggered. This is how it seems to me in my experience.

[lynn P.]

Since both of you have been betrayed by untrustworthy people you both have something in common. Obviously both sexes lie and manipulate. I also struggle with trust because I've been betrayed in the worst way. Basically all 3 of us are walking wounded - I'm sorry both of you have been hurt. My suggestion is, get to know a person or potential partner very well before you invest yourself emotionally and sexually.

[Neurontin]

"TRUST".....I have.. like Gas, Odoyle, & Lynn.. been betrayed by the opposite sex. Not once but twice by those who claim to love me....It hurts....Im really afraid to put myself in that position again. Both Men & Women are human...We all have our limits....We cant be perfect...Sometimes we need to go for it ie another relationship...inspite of our fears or wounds....easier said than done..Im speaking to myself as I type....Alone... I dont mind...Being touched.... I miss.....ie MY HEART....Those feelings inside that say I love this....Holding hands....Yeah I remember that...Looking into her eyes and saying I love you without words....I MISS THAT ....I REALLY DO...Be Well and let your heart guide you...Peter

[Fuzzybear]

[roads]

Can all of you say that in all of your relationships you have never hurt someone unintentionally?

To say that you are trustworthy & honest is fine, but that's really no guarantee that you won't hurt someone without meaning to. I hurt a good friend, someone I cared about so much & would have never hurt on purpose, but I said something without knowing how it would affect her. I didn't know her well enough to know I would trigger something from her past.

She has never forgiven me. In fact, she's cut off all communication--I can't even apologize, she won't listen.

This was a friendship, not a sexual relationship where such things can happen probably even more easily. I know my (former) friend feels betrayed--which is betrayal for her. But I didn't betray her. Does that make sense?

Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. I think we do them & ourselves an injustice when we reduce them to black/white right/wrong judgments. The less we reduce them to being all the same, the more we can see them as being unique events, the easier it will be for us to move on & trust a different person in a different time and place.

[LazyLogophile]

I have been known to over-generalize by lumping all men and all women into categories in order to simplify my life. The bottom line is, when you can put aside your hurt and frustration, that all people are struggling with their individual problems, and you can't expect anything from anyone. If you have expectations, you have already set yourself up for hurt. People are fluid, changeable, and constantly growing (even if they are not intentionally seeking personal growth). Isn't that what life is all about - learning and growing? To expect another to treat you a certain way, or meet one of your needs, is unrealistic. No one can meet your emotional needs all the time. It is your responsibility to take care of your own needs, make yourself happy, and then you can share yourself with another. But that is difficult, because even the most emotionally stable person will meet his or her own hurdles, which may cause them to falter and possibly hurt someone close to them. Give people space to grow and make mistakes. Life is hard for everyone, even those who seem to "have it all" because there is not one person in this world who is immune to illness, famine, dehydration, loneliness, self-pity, or any other hardship that other human beings face. Just because you do not see them dealing with a hardship does not mean that the person you interact with is not struggling on some level. Maybe they are having a moral crisis in which they are unsure of who they are or what they believe. Or, possibly the person has not yet learned the value of friendship, trust, loyalty or forgiveness. Everyone has their own path, and learns at their own pace.

Ending all relationships is not always the answer, but if you need a break from them that is a healthy choice. Try to focus on making your life the kind of life that you can be proud of, and you will find that people will come into your life that you never expected and will give you the gift of true friendship that you are looking for (romantic or not). I hope this helps. It's something that I have to remind myself of EVERY DAY, and have not yet mastered. I understand the philosophy, but saying it and living it are two very different things.

Good luck on your journey through life, and I hope you find the strength and resolve to get the things you want, regardless of whether or not others are living up to your expectations. In the end, we die alone. Make yourself happy...or give it a good try!

This post was written with love, and I hope it is received that way.