[LadyDragus]

I am not sure if I can even ask this in here, but I am going to go ahead and ask ..
And if it gets locked or deleted, then i know I am not allowed to ask these type of questions..

I have deperssion as most due when they come here, but my "sex" drive is nil, nothing.. I feel like I am not being a good girlfriend when I can not be activley invloved ??
There are many aspects of "sex" that just do not do anything for me, nor do I get the enjoyment most woman do..

Orgasmn's are not in my sight, I hardly ever have one, even when doing other things to try and help. I am at a loss as what to do?? and I am afarid he may lose intrest in me, for I am not enjoying it..
There is more to our realtioinship then sex, we love to sit and cuddle, and talk watch movies but when it comes down to doing the deed, I am not entushtict(sp)....

If anyone can help, me I would be greatful.. If you have been in this place before and could help thank you in advance.

And if noone answers cause it is to personal, I will understand 110%

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{Lady Dragus}}}}}}}

I think your question is totally appropriate and is nothing to be ashamed of.

Depression can cause a loss in interest...that is very normal ok? For starters I would talk to your doctor if I were you....many anti depressants can cause this and your doctor may be able to change your meds (side effects can cause this too)....here are a couple of informative links that may help as well.....http://www.sexual-dysfunction-and-depression.com/index.php3

This is a link for a forum board where you may be able to get other answers too.... <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.e-health-questions.info/html/board/index.php/forum=femalesexualdysfunct&realm=default>http://www.e-health-questions.info/html/board/index.php/forum=femalesexualdysfunct&realm=default</A>

Hope this helps hun.



Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[Serenity]

I don't see any reason it wouldnt be ok to talk about stuff like this...yes its personal...but arent our feelings too?
From all I know depression has a BIG effect on our sex life for many . many reasons. So definitely don't feel "alone" in how you feel. Then when and if you get on medication for it...alot of them are also known to effect our sex drive as well.
This doesn't make you a "bad" girlfriend. My onyl suggestion as far as that is maybe make a conscious effort to express your love for him in other ways if sex isn't one of the ways you're comfortable with or enjoy too. If he loves you...I doubt he would really enjoy something that is supposed to be shared if you don't enjoy it too. Though I also undertandthere are simple physical needs too and it can be so frustrating.
Definitely be honest with how you feel so he can have a chance to understand for himself and not feel he is being rejected or is loved less or undesireable.
Im sure your depression has also effected your self esteem and your own personal feeling of being desireable...its hard to feel sexual when you feel your not desireable.
You mentioned being "satisfied" and not being able to achieve that....but really, Lady, thats so understandable when you have 80 other things on your mind. It isnt because there is something "wrong" with you. If you can't relax you cant possibly truly enjoy.
Im glad to see neither of you have pulled away from the other things that are so important in expressing love...the cuddling and being together. Its jsut as important.
Just do your best in trying to reassure him that it isnt him personally you dont desire. Ask yourself what it really is that holds you back from feeling pleasureqble when intimate...the real feelings behind it. Then maybe you can address those and start to have pleasure from it too. Your mind cant be elsewhere and expect what you do.
All I can do is reassure you there isnt anything "wrong" with you and to try and reassure him too.
DOnt think ive helped much other than to ramble...but you arent alone...I hope that helps.
Serenity

[LadyDragus]

Well it would be easier if I could recall a time when I actually did get off persay( or even if it was easy to do so), I am so hard to do that. My G-spot, is hard to find, and at times I think it is not there. He knows how I feel, for neither of us hide anything from the other, he is beside me most of the time when i am on when i am at home, and when he is.. I love him, and he knows this, i show him daily by saying it, by writing poems about him, and other little things left not said

The thing that bothers me about myself is i just do nto enjoy sex anymore. I want to "make"love to him that I know, but I just can not get excited about it.. And yes I knwo both of my anit-deppersients are causeing some porblems, along with my mirgranse that does not help. But I want to do something and I am so scared to call my Pdoc for he may want tto put me on more pain pills and that wont help, and he wont do any kinds of test to see why I am on so damn much pain...

I just do not know what to do anymore.. I am so darn lost, and confused..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

you are always a vast knowledge of knowledege..
I do not know how to thank you.
I will def, read all of these sites.. Plus I will look up that fourm and see if I can relate to anyone on there, and see if I feel safe talking about me on there.
I feel safe here, and I have not had my trust broken to hard yet, so I am not sure about the fourm but I will look since you found it for me.

Thank you again.. Ever so much

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[Serenity]

To be honest, from all Ive read and learned over the years...that "spot" you refer to is only a myth.
It does sound like you have a very strong relationship with him and thats really good to hear. And Im glad also you find so many ways tolet each other know...that's really importnat.
I can understand your issue with the intimate, physical part of the relationship...it is par t of it too and a big part for alot of people.
You said you dont enjoy it "anymore". I conclude form that you have in the past though right? Can you back track to when that changed? Maybe see what led to the change and the reasons...its probably more than one thing...Its a given the Depression, pain and meds have their role.
I think if your comfortable with your therapist Id talk to them about it too and they may have suggestions as well. ont think theres a prescription cure for it lol...but I think talking will be the best med. Being able to be open and talk about it...figure out why and some different solutions to try...they do have therepists that deal only with sexual issues...they can be alot mroe comfortable to talk to and they also have alot more knowledge to the reasons behind the feelings and answers.
WIsh I knew what to say to help...I think its very good you want to find help for it or answers or talk about it. Shows it is important to you and something you'd like to change...Knowledge is power....sharing is healing.
You'll win this battle too Trish....there are many different things to try or see if they work or help....I think the sex therapist is a biggie. Just dont know if youre comfortable with that...I also know though that they usually welcome both partners to come in together which sounds like it would be good for you because he seems very supportive of you.
Much love
Jenn