[52what2do]

Hi , I am 52, female living with my fairly new boyfriend who is 57. I moved in with him in Sept and things have changed.
He is angry, gruff..if I ask him a question, just any question, he gets short and very dramatic..He gets angry and screams at me for no real reason. I have asked what is wrong and he said there is nothing wrong..
When I speak, he will interrupt me and answer before I can get the question out of my mouth,,, I have tried to talk to him about having patience and let me finish what i want to say.. he also changes the subject with no notice..I am sometimes confused about what we are talking about at the time, it is that fast...
I have said to him that he seems kind of mean, he said he is like that because people give him respect!!! I have to say, I don't respect that at all.....maybe I am wrong... He said he does not need respect, I said that I do.. He also doesn't think that he should have to knock on a closed door before entering... I tried to explain to him about the privacy thing, he doesn't care..
I am not sure whether to stay with him or not....this is starting to affect me, I am isolating myself now, I come home and go to the bedroom and stay until the morning t go to work,,,
Is there a name for what he has????? He has also been Iraq with the guard years ago... could this be the problem??

Thank you in advance for any help on which direction I should go in as far as obtaining tools to deal with this or if I should just move out..
D

[kaliope]

It sounds like you are very unhappy with your situation. You have attempted to express with him each thing that has upset you about living with this man and he has made it clear that this is how he is, no negotiation. He is 57 and unlikely to change. His manner of living has forced you to live as a prisoner in your own home.

Subsequently, you appear to have two choices:

1) Learn to accept this behavior and continue living there being disrespected in your attempts to communicate and spending your time living in your room for solace from the anger.

2) Make arrangements to move out so you regain your freedom

Only you can decide which you want to do. Being alone is a scary prospect but is it scarier than the consequences of staying in a relationship that is taking so much away from your self-esteem and well being.

Good luck and may you find peace with your choice.

[OurLadysTears]

How long have you two been together? Was he like this before you moved in? How long has he lived alone? It sounds to me like he is having trouble adjusting to having someone around. It really is a complete change in a person’s lifestyle when two people decide to live together. Many things are changing for him and many are changing for you. It sounds like both of you are having trouble adjusting to a new lifestyle and with someone with polar opposite beliefs. To make things work, both have to be willing to communicate and compromise.

[pegasus]

((((((( 52what2do )))))))

Ok, so if you stepped back and were looking down on this relationship what would your gut be telling you? You have been with him a short time and you are already finding that you are having to purposely stay out of his way. It doesn't look good does it? But only you can make the next decision, love is blind and all that but the signs are telling you that this relationship is going to need a lot of work or that it may be best at this early stage, to walk away. I wish you luck.

[choocha]

Just my opinion, but I think you're fighting a losing battle. Good luck if you try to ake things work, and well done for asking for help. I just think it's too much to put on you & he sounds like a negative grump.

[IceCreamKid]

Your boyfriend may be feeling stressed by sharing his living quarters with someone. If I were you, I'd find my own place and see if he becomes pleasant again. I'd also keep in mind that if he turns mean every time he is stressed, that isn't likely to change and I'd be making a mental note to get a new boyfriend.