[anneruok]

I started seeing "Robert" in July. I met him online, we talked for a few weeks before meeting in person. Our first few dates we would take long walks through the parks and surrounding neighborhoods. It seemed like we just had the most amazing times together. We were starting things out very slow. It took him an entire week to finally kiss me and when he did it was the most perfect kiss ever. First time we made love was close to perfect (a little awkward being the first time) and each time after that was better than the last.

Things went great for three months we were nearly inseparable, but he is in the military and mid October had to go away to training for 4 months. He gets to his training, we video chat multiple times a week for the first couple weeks. Then without notice he stops logging on as much and starts going out with the guys for drinks. "Robert" has stomach issues from past alcohol abuse and it is not good for him to drink. I tell him I am upset that I haven't seen much of him and that I am concerned for his health. The next weekend he sends a message saying that we need to break up because we will be spending too much time apart (he will be deploying next year when he is done with training) and that he has trust issues, he has been through a long distance relationship (he was married for 4 years) and it is not fair to either of us. I asked him if there was more to it, if this was coming from a guilty conscience and he admitted "yes I cheated on you."

I told him that he totally disrespected me and ruined my trust, but I still love him and would be willing to work things out. He told me that he doesn't deserve me and that I should move on. I have never been hurt so much in my life. I know that we were not together for very long, but it seemed like much longer. What should I do?

[Leed]

Since you weren't together very long, and he ALREADY cheated on you, I'd let this one go, and be grateful that you weren't together for longer! This guy cannot be trusted -- why does HE have trust issues? HE'S the one who cheated! DUH.

Just count your blessings -- I know this hurts, but it could have been much worse if you had invested a LOT of time in this relationship. There is someone out there for you who will treat you better. Be good to yourself, and try to start healing. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[anneruok]

Originally Posted by Leed

Since you weren't together very long, and he ALREADY cheated on you, I'd let this one go, and be grateful that you weren't together for longer! This guy cannot be trusted -- why does HE have trust issues? HE'S the one who cheated! DUH.

Just count your blessings -- I know this hurts, but it could have been much worse if you had invested a LOT of time in this relationship. There is someone out there for you who will treat you better. Be good to yourself, and try to start healing. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks Lee! How do I stop loving him? It's been over 3 weeks now and my heart physically hurts, I can't sleep, and I can't even eat right. I try to distract myself by cleaning my house and working in the yard. I even went out on a dinner date with a guy I dated before (I used to be interested in him but now, nothing).

[Silent_tsol]

Give yourself time to recover. It's not an easy thing to get over and there's no shortcuts. Just make sure try your best to keep yourself healthy. Melatonin is a great, natural sleep aid and ensure and other meal drinks can help you be nourished.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by anneruok

I tell him I am upset that I haven't seen much of him and that I am concerned for his health. The next weekend he sends a message saying that we need to break up because we will be spending too much time apart (he will be deploying next year when he is done with training) and that he has trust issues, he has been through a long distance relationship (he was married for 4 years) and it is not fair to either of us. I asked him if there was more to it, if this was coming from a guilty conscience and he admitted "yes I cheated on you."

I told him that he totally disrespected me and ruined my trust, but I still love him and would be willing to work things out. He told me that he doesn't deserve me and that I should move on. I have never been hurt so much in my life. I know that we were not together for very long, but it seemed like much longer. What should I do?

It sounds to me like he really does not want to continue the relationship, is responding to his own issues and background and I am suspicious of how easily he told you he cheated on you (he may not have but you gave him the opportunity to help himself break it off).

He does not sound mature enough for a relationship at this time and I do not think he will back down and wish to "work it out". He has been clear he wants to end the relationship and even added the cheating on you to make it easier, more "final" and yet you are trying to hold on. There's nothing there to hold to except some good memories.