[natani_girl]

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. Everyone basically sees us as THE perfect high school couple, and in most areas, we are. We're best friends (and were for a few years before going out), there's no one we'd rather be with, and we're so much alike. However, there is one area that has my confusion and slight concern.

He comes from a very "American Dream" family: They are decently middle class, very tightly-knit, super Christian, every son is a boy scout, and they have a cabin in the country that they go camping in ALL the time. (And of course, his dad and grandfather built it from the ground up). I come from a well off and loving family too, but the difference is that mine is more dysfunctional. My dad is always angry, my mom is stressed, I was molested by my grandpa, exc. exc. (don't feel too much like repeating life story, check out my previous forum if you’re that interested.) :P The point is, I've had experiences that he can't relate to at ALL, and hardly even wants to believe. It makes me feel whiny and like a burden, or weird and undesirable. Don’t get me wrong, he helps me however he can, but I can sense that he doesn’t like the topic. I also am likely to have depression, and there is mental illness in my family. This makes me concerned that he would not take to these things well.

Another problem with this is that he is a sickly person. He has a rare genetic kidney disorder that has caused so many complications, it’s crazy. He also keeps getting himself hurt. He has been hospitalized so many times. Currently, he is sick and has been bedridden for 3 months. There’s speculating that it may be another weird complication. When stuff like this happens, I want to be as supportive as I can and show him I love him, but because of my parents and schoolwork, it is hard to be able to visit or communicate with him. Considering I have no one else to talk to, I get very depressed and nervous. And then when I do try to talk to him about something that’s been bothering me, I feel bad because he is sick, and I shouldn’t bother him when he’s in bad condition. Just yesterday I was trying to message him with my friend’s cell phone to tell him that I would have little contact with him for a while because of a meltdown my parents had, and they basically took everything away from me and won’t let me go anywhere. I was freaked out and distraught because my parents had screamed in my face and my dad shoved me twice, once to the ground. I completely lost it that night and started slamming my head with a math textbook and laughing and singing in my room. (I didn’t tell him about that part). He texted back that he had gotten a lot of blood taken, the maximum a person his size could, and couldn’t focus and was nearly passed out. I felt horrible for trying to bug him when I knew he was sick, and for trying to make him focus when he needed to rest.

So, my point is, how can two people with very different problems, who care about each other, learn to help each other and know how it is to be in the other person’s shoes?

[Leed]

Wow -- sounds like you have ALOT going on in your family. But right now isn't the best time to try to get support from your boyfriend. He's busy trying to heal -- he's got too much going on himself right now.

Do you have a close friend that you could talk to, besides him? Perhaps just getting some of this off your chest with someone would help.

But it really sounds to me like you need some therapy. Whether or not your parents would see it that way is another thing -- but try to explain to them that you're depressed and have some things that are bothering you (i.e. the sexual abuse!!) and you need to speak to a professional.

By talking to a therapist, you can give your boyfriend a break -- he probably doesn't "get it" anyway. I'm sure it would be helpful to you. I wish you the very best -- God bless. Hugs, Lee

[natani_girl]

Originally Posted by Leed

Wow -- sounds like you have ALOT going on in your family. But right now isn't the best time to try to get support from your boyfriend. He's busy trying to heal -- he's got too much going on himself right now.

Do you have a close friend that you could talk to, besides him? Perhaps just getting some of this off your chest with someone would help.

But it really sounds to me like you need some therapy. Whether or not your parents would see it that way is another thing -- but try to explain to them that you're depressed and have some things that are bothering you (i.e. the sexual abuse!!) and you need to speak to a professional.

By talking to a therapist, you can give your boyfriend a break -- he probably doesn't "get it" anyway. I'm sure it would be helpful to you. I wish you the very best -- God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thank you for your input! I agree, I shouldn't try to talk to him about that stuff when he's in bad shape. The only reason I had tried talking to him about my parents was because I wanted to tell him I couldn't contact him for a little while, and I didn't know he had gotten blood taken. Yes, the main problem is finding someone else to talk to so I can be in the best shape I can be to take care of him. Your post actually reminded me of another friend I haven't talked to in a while because he lives far away, but I feel comfortable with him, so I think I will talk to him a bit. I have been planning to see a professional as soon as I get a job and can pay for it myself (which should be within 2 months), so that encourages me too. Thank you very much for your opinion!

[needfixing]

my hubby too doesn't know how to react or emotionally support me when i told him about my physcial and sexual abuse.
that use to piss me off, but than i realized he had a "normal" childhood so how can he support me.
as far as your bf being that sick, ask yourself this question can you spend the rest of your life taking care of him?
(((hugs))) sorry you were abused too

[natani_girl]

Originally Posted by needfixing

my hubby too doesn't know how to react or emotionally support me when i told him about my physcial and sexual abuse.
that use to piss me off, but than i realized he had a "normal" childhood so how can he support me.
as far as your bf being that sick, ask yourself this question can you spend the rest of your life taking care of him?
(((hugs))) sorry you were abused too

I agree with how you feel about the "normal" childhood thing. Makes me wish someone would just switch me off and fix me.

I don't know if I will be good at it, but ik i will try to be good enough. Hey, a relationship requires effort both ways. How can he try to take care of me if I don't take care of him? supporting each other is what it's all about, and we'll see if he does his part.

It's great to be in a place with other survivors. Thanks for the support.