[retro_chic]

So, I have never been in a relationship. I'm 19 (soon to be 20) and it just never really happened for me. I went to an all girls high school, a very small college and am now working full time where everyone is married.

Anyway, I am dating this guy (we have been on two dates so far) but I have no idea how to be intimate. I feel like I should have kissed him by now (not just a peck) but I have no idea what I am doing. I also have no idea what he sees in me and why anyone would want to voluntarily spend time with me. I'm pretty sure I am going to screw everything up and I just want to run away.

Anyone have similar issues? If so, how did you overcome them?

[PityPartyof1]

[quote=retro_chic;2143053].... I also have no idea what he sees in me and why anyone would want to voluntarily spend time with me. I'm pretty sure I am going to screw everything up and I just want to run away. [quote]

1st- I think you need to tackle your insecurity issue before you consider getting intimate. You are devaluing yourself by telling yourself you don't know what he sees in you. You shouldn't be with someone because they validate or invalidate your self-worth.

2nd- Just because you work in an environment where everyone is married, it doesn't mean that you need to rush into intimacy with this guy. Wait. Feel it out, not literally. Get to know this guy. If this is the first time you've experienced dating, I'd say it do it right. You don't want to be 30 looking back on this and thinking, "I should have waited".

Case in point, when I was in high school I never dated. People made fun of me because I was a virgin (of everything). I waited to have sex, wasn't intimate, never tried drugs or alcohol and never went to parties that kids threw when their parents were "away". I focused on my education, getting scholarships to college, graduating at the top of my class. I was too involved with myself and had no interest in doing anything other than preparing myself for after high school. I met my first boyfriend when I was in college and waited almost one year before getting intimate. I'm glad I waited because he turned out to be the wrong person for me. So all in all, don't rush. You never know how things will turn out but I would recommend keeping the ball in your court. You have the upper hand and if he presses you to be intimate, there's a problem. Ignore the people at your work, they are married and that shouldn't influence your decision to get intimate right away.

[retro_chic]

Thanks for taking the time to reply!

I totally agree that I need to sort out my insecurity issues before getting into a serious relationship. It is because I know this that I am holding back and want to "run away".

Also, the reason why I mentioned that everyone in my workplace is married was to explain that I have had very little opportunity to meet single people my age and hence my lack of experience. I definitely do not feel any pressure to rush into a relationship because of my colleagues' relationship statuses. I actually want to be intimate with him for the simply because I like him. If he took the lead I think that would make things a whole lot easier!

[Severijn]

Hi.

I don't know about I always think it's the guys role to make the first move. There's nothing wrong about a girl going for a kiss, but I still think a guy has to go for it.

But if he doesn't go for a kiss, you could go for it...

The thing about intimacy, especially in the beginning, is that you have to be a little daring. If you let fear of rejection rule, it will spoil the intimacy.

If you sit close together and had a good/fun moment and there's a short silence, this is a good moment to kiss...

[Anderson2011]

I agree take your time i think you should not be in a relationship just yet because you don't know yourself and also you don't view yourself that highly. See other people on a social level and any man that thinks you are worth something don't need to be intimate with you so fast...

[lido78]

Just have fun and enjoy getting to know the guy. Don't worry about this kiss or anything after that...pay attention to what he says and figure out if he's the kind of guy that you'd even want to share a kiss with...it's kind of special so make sure he's right for you (not the other way around, let him worry about that)...If you know him well enough and know that he honors and respects you, then I think the kiss will be a natural expression of mutual trust and affection. There is no magic to a kiss...it's particular to each couple, so there really aren't any rules...BTW, I waited to have sex until I was 19 and in college, and I was so comfortable with the guy (because we spent tons of time together as friends) that we were able to laugh together about all of the awkward parts.