Love and Insecurity

How do you cope, stay calm, and try to help when your partner is highly insecure (a product of previous relationships) and beginning to steam roll the relationship? The relationship started great, then his insecurities started to show, he tried to work on them, and has now resurface full force. We have lived together for almost a year now. I don't know how to help him anymore when he attacks me or becomes highly irrational. Neither of us are perfect and we are each other's best friend. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respond or handle someone when they get to this irrational, lost breaking point?

Don't know your age and you don't say if the previous relationship was long-term. So, I'll talk from my own experience.

I was married for 18 years. Divorced. Lived with my current spouse for 5 years before we married. For the first couple of years together, a lot came back to haunt me. I lost all confidence in myself and was very insecure. I really tested my spouse!

Now, 13 years into our relationship - I still have moments when I am insecure, lack confidence and come across as very irrational. We are making it because my spouse exercises patience with me and I am learning ways to cope with my issues. We talk, are best friends and keep growing together.

i can relate to leo and your boyfriend. i seem to have some issues with trust and being left. but my boyfriend and i always talk. now it too is on me to catch my self with feelings and emotions and to talk or bring things up as well. my boyfriend and i are going on finishing up our third year. i'm 25 if that helps any. all is progress be well and good thoughts

When I feel irrational, overly emotional or insecure, my boyfriend usually manages to stay very, very calm. He just listens and lets me get it out (he only pushes back when I totally go over the edge). What helps me (and he reminds me of this) is to change the physical setting. He says..."Let's keep talking but I need to stretch my legs...so how about a walk and a talk?" It's a very nice calming trick that I know I need but may be too worked up to actually implement. As long as I know that he's not just trying to shut me up by distracting me, the movement seems to bring in extra oxygen...for some reason, this can totally shift my mood to almost normal and I can see things in a MUCH more rational light. Maybe this could help you guys too.

Wow. These are all great pieces of advise. Thank you all very much. I think I could be more patient. I sometimes lose my footing and get defensive, but he always comes around in a day or so and acknowledges that he didn't mean he was saying. I am 26 by the way. It's a miracle we found each other as we handle each other's imperfections better than anyone ever has. I just want to continue to be patient and learn new techniques to help one another. Lido, I really like the "take a walk" idea. I just need to make sure I can communicate that I am not avoiding or disregarding his feelings. So perhaps I'll discuss that idea with him on a normal day Thanks again!

This...It really helps when the person on the other/receiving end is calm, allows you to vent and speaks to you in a way that is not sarcastic or condesending (spelling?)...Try not to take what he says personal...It's more so him than you...