[sandworm]

I am put in a situation I did not think I would have to worry about,
but, I have a client now where she has romantic feelings
she has confessed for me. I feel warm about it because
it is flattering to be desired again,b ut also because I
find her attractive, greatly.
At first I thought it might just be the 'transferance" effect,
but I searched my history and past and realized she is much
of what I like and love in a woman.
Being a male, I am doubly in a fix, and as her 'helper' and 'support'
it would cost me my job and career if I pursued this feeling.
How can I end it with her romantically and still mantain the
professional relationship.
The way things run, is if we do not like someone, we do not
get to say, this is a bad match. We get who we get and lump it. Same with
the attraction thing, but we would be forbidden to ever meet
for any reason anytime for other than business.

I want to keep this job and a hope of a romance is not
enough to destroy that over, but the feelings make it hard
to not do something stupid.

Thanks
SW

[pegasus]

Well, I presume you have supervision and you can discuss this with your supervisor in more detail. I think you know what you need to do and that is to pass your client onto someone else. All clients are vulnerable and no good can come from continuing this. I wish you luck.

[sandworm]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Well, I presume you have supervision and you can discuss this with your supervisor in more detail. I think you know what you need to do and that is to pass your client onto someone else. All clients are vulnerable and no good can come from continuing this. I wish you luck.

thank y ou for your thoughts. In all honesty, it would be best if
I had some way to handle this on my own. If I brought it
to my supervisor it would affect their confidence in my ability
to handle challenges and remain objective and professional.

SW

[roads]

I don't know what sort of security job you're working for this woman, but if it's to do with her personal safety & her interest in you is making that difficult, I would think you'd have to quit the job. Isn't this the sort of situation one is expected to bring to a supervisor?

[Callmebj]

You Said...." I have a client now where she has romantic feelings
she has confessed for me.

I think this is an appropriate reason to turn it in to any supervisor. You do not have
to mention your own feelings. I feel you are tying the hands of advice here as you
are attracted to the situation emotionally and would like to pursue this. If you wish to flirt with loosing your job, and fore-go what is best for a client, then go with your needs without your brain intact. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but from what you have said here; you are suffering a personal desire, not what is correct!

[sandworm]

Deear BJ. wow, you make a good point. however, I think want I did not see until I
read your post is the question.... what if my supervisor asks me 'how to you feel about her,
do you have feelings for her. > i think you probably brought this on by letting her think
this way, or lead her on by being over familiar."

I know I haven't, but feeling feelings for her, would make me feel guilty of having
done that. it would be hard for me to deny doing (what I am not guilty of) when I
do have those feelings. hmmm.

How can I tell the truth, or enough of it without telegraphing it on my face like a
train crossing warning light going off?

How about this,
I know I did not lead her on. I would have no reason to lead her on and if she
claimed i did,this is just a falsehood and wishful thinking on her part.
IF she is not able to let this go, I think she should be reassigned which would be
fine with me. "

and I should say all this with conviction. which (what do you think) draw all attention
from the 'fact' that I did not answer how I really feel about her. would that work you think?

......,

[Callmebj]

Originally Posted by sandworm

Deear BJ. wow, you make a good point. however, I think want I did not see until I
read your post is the question.... what if my supervisor asks me 'how to you feel about her,
do you have feelings for her. > i think you probably brought this on by letting her think
this way, or lead her on by being over familiar."

I know I haven't, but feeling feelings for her, would make me feel guilty of having
done that. it would be hard for me to deny doing (what I am not guilty of) when I
do have those feelings. hmmm.

How can I tell the truth, or enough of it without telegraphing it on my face like a
train crossing warning light going off?

How about this,
I know I did not lead her on. I would have no reason to lead her on and if she
claimed i did,this is just a falsehood and wishful thinking on her part.
IF she is not able to let this go, I think she should be reassigned which would be
fine with me. "

and I should say all this with conviction. which (what do you think) draw all attention
from the 'fact' that I did not answer how I really feel about her. would that work you think?

......,

You likely already know the answer. I doubt that you will be asked about
your leading her on...but then you know your supervisor better than I.

By the way, you are feeling guilty about your feelings...ones that you have clearly not acted upon...why?

[Irreplaceable]

The point is this...I know you find her attractive and etc etc...But don't risk your job...I think your superiors will look at you questionably if you let it go, try to handle it on your own, and end up in a bigger mess....Anything can happen...She can lie on you...Or anything...Out of being hurt that you rejected her...I'm more concerned about how she would react if you rejected her vs. what your boss would say...Ok, so if they ask if you have feelings for her, lie...Say you don't....It's not their business if you do or don't, and I don't even think they will ask you how you feel about her...She might be one of those stalker types...Might go crazy on you and flip...Good luck...

[sandworm]

Originally Posted by Callmebj

You likely already know the answer. I doubt that you will be asked about
your leading her on...but then you know your supervisor better than I.

By the way, you are feeling guilty about your feelings...ones that you have clearly not acted upon...why?

Feelings have subtle ways of influencing a situation that we do not believe.
We may feel a way but not 'overtly' act, but those feelings change the
outcome dramatically SOMETIMES.



I think this will all work out.

thank you everyone for your input,
I feel more balanced and calm approaching with what I have
heard now.

SW

[Perna]

I would do some professional searches on the subject?

http://tcp.sagepub.com/content/26/4/624.abstract