Why change?

Hi All

Every man I've ever gone out with wants to change me. Why is this? Why can't they accept me for myself? I don't want to wear their choice of clothes - I have my own style. I don't want to pretend to like a certain type of music. I don't want to be forced to eat junk food. Why do they try to get me to drink alcohol?

In other words - why do they want to date me?

I tell them 'what you see is what you get' - but still they try to change me from top to toe. I shall have to get me to a metaphorical nunnery, methinks.

FG

i ask that myself sometimes. why does a person bother with me if they want to change every darn thing about me. wouldnt it just be easier for them to find someone else, that has all those things i lack?

youre right to tell them what you see is what you get. you should not have to change to suit someone elses tastes or interests. and no nunnery! just be yourself and the right person will come along, and they wont want you to change a thing. you should never have to drink or eat junk food or buy a new wardrobe, not for anyone. keep being yourself, you sound like a pretty cool person to me.

I know exactly what you mean. It tends to happen.....here's what I think.
First of all.....no matter what type of relationship you get into, you will be changing something about yourself, that's how two separate and close personalities combine.....by being open and respectful for the the other. Everybody changes, sacrifices, and gains something in a relationship.
But only if it is worth it........that would be the reason to do it.
Second, changing something that essentially has made you yourself, and first of all attracted this person to you, should not be greatly altered on their account. Like the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you ball up your socks, and the things that you have enjoyed all your life. If your being forced to change the things that make you, you, then you have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth it. Is it?

Don't let a man change you......you change that man, for the better. That's a woman job, to train those sob's.....lol......just kidding.

I hope it all works out for you,
Desirae

If you must change WHO YOU ARE for another to love you then that person is not worth your love or time. We should only seek to change that which needs to be made better, better for the sake of ourselves and for our future - that which is wrong or off balance.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Even after 30 years of marriage, I feel that if I am wanted to change for the worse, & I am not liked for the way I am......then I don't need them. It takes a long time to make you the person that works for you & unless the problem is something that socially doesn't work or is a harm to a relationship, then if they don't like what they get, you are too good for them & they don't deserve you. It doesn't hurt to analyze the suggested changes....you never know if there is something valuable in what the suggested change is, but if there isn't, blow them off & go on to find someone you are more compatable with. You should never change for the worse no how no way. Only keep changes that are valuable & throw away the things that aren't....you know yourself the best of everyone & you should be who you want to be.

Debbie

Hi funnygirl and everyone,

In Michelangelo Antonioni's film 'Beyond the Clouds' one of the characters says, "I fear that we are incontrovertibly ourselves from the moment we are born."

The message is clear: people don't change.

I think that people can change, with great moral effort, but it's not easy, and we still have to deal with our own natural temperament. If we meet a person who is gentle and kind, I think that they will almost certainly remain gentle and kind. Unfortunately the opposite also applies. There may be some 'road to Damascus' conversions, but they are not at all common. Generally it is hard work.

I think the best we can hope for is a little compromise on both sides of an adult relationship, with the acceptance that the other person is not raw material to be moulded, but a matured person in their own right. That is what respect is all about IMHO.

Interesting subject!

Cheers, M