[krisakira]

so i know it doesnt mean much, i'm just in the mood to complain

boyfriend and i have lived together for over a year, and he has never bought me flowers... i try to hint that i do want flowers, by saying that some of the bouquets at walmart are really pretty. he sometimes asks me if i want flowers, and i say yea but i dont want to tell you to get them for me. so he says he would but he wants it to be a surprise. yet its been over a year, and there has not been a surprise yet (as far as flowers go). i know we go to walmart often together, but he has gone by himself quite a few times. i just kinda thought since he keeps telling me over and over that i deserve to be treated well, that he would be the type of person who did that kinda stuff. guess not, lol... i mean it's okay, he does a lot more for me than just stuff equal to giving me flowers. but you know, its the little things that count.

anway that's all...

[Direction]

I know you just wanted to vent...although I was thinking that describing flowers as really pretty doesn't equate to a hint that means get flowers for me at least not in my male mind.

If you are ever asked again if you want flowers...I would think a good answer is...yes, I like receiving flowers because they make me feel _____. I like them for my birthday, valentines day, delivered to me at work. It really shows me that you love me.

Its kind of funny, we expect people to love us in ways that to us shows us love...then we hide behind I don't want to have to ask for it...because they should know if they really loved me...

I direct this less at you and more at my own frustration from a lost relationship...

[Caretaker Leo]

krisakira, may I suggest you just turn the table on your BF? It will likely throw him completely off balance, but could be fun. You want flowers and he doesn't get the hint - so go out and buy flowers for him instead. I have done this for my hub in the past and now he surprises me with flowers. Sometimes we just need to teach our men.

[krisakira]

lol thanks guys. Direction, I don't know if you see it, but boyfriend has asked me, "do you want flowers" and I have replied with "yes", with a "but i don't want to have to ask you to get them for me" So, he does know I want flowers. And, I just turned around and asked him just now, asked "you know I want flowers...right?" and he just said "yes" .... Awwww, he just said "I almost thought about it once, but I looked at the flowers at walmart and thought Holy crap, she deserves better than that. But I do think about it, sweetie." How sweet Yet no flowers yet lol

[Direction]

I did catch that...it was the "but I don't want to have to ask..." part I'm suggesting you leave off and instead say "yes, I like receiving flowers because they make me feel _____. I like them for my birthday, valentines day, delivered to me at work. It really shows me that you love me."

This is a very different answer...don't you think? It is a more complete answer and really solidifies that if he does this in your mind you will have been shown he loves you...

[Okami]

Hahah. Typical men. ;]
You have to be pretty damn blunt a lot of the time. I like Direction's advice, but hell, just to be safe, I'd be even blunter. "YES. I would /like/ flowers. GEE. It'd be NICE if you would just BUY them for me.... Now would work. No, really...."
Whenever he does get you some, be sure to play it up that it REALLY makes ya happy. Its like a reward system. He should start doing it more when he sees how great it is for you and that you really do appreciate it.
Haha. You have to train em. ;]

I mean, thats why I love to spoil my gf silly.
Not because I feel obligated, but because she gets so giddy when I do.
And thats treasurable.

[krisakira]

Today I was feeling kind of down, so I asked him if when he comes home from work, if he would bring me some flowers and tell me I'm beautiful and hug and kiss me. He said he would see what he can do. Well he came home and did none of those. I told him I was disappointed, and it turned into an argument with him saying he cant do those kinds of things because he is stressed out by work, finances, and other things. I don't get it!!! Very hurt by this...

[Dapsych]

Some doors are remained closed until you have the right key. You are leaving that door closed, you must give more elaborate hints.

[krisakira]

More hints???? I asked him specifically if he would buy me flowers, tell me I'm beautiful, hug and kiss me. Can't get any more clearer than that!

[Sabrina]

I have been with hubby for 11 years and can count on one hand the amount of time I have received flowers from him. It just doesn't occur to him!!

[Perna]

I would do equivalent things for him? He says he's stressed by work, finances, and other things? Do you know what the other things are or do you discuss work or finances?

I buy and cook my husband's favorite meals, find funny little things to get him that we both enjoy; I enjoy his enjoyment of what I do for him, his appreciation, almost as much as I do when he gives me something.

My husband is not very creative in the gift giving department, even when I tell him exactly what to give me, he'll get it wrong. Think about how much "practice" your boyfriend has had with flowers? Probably none at all? He may be afraid. Buy yourself some flowers when you are with him so he can see what you like, what you buy, how good they look or smell in your place, how much you like them (how much your face lights up :-)

I remember the story of my husband, when he was about 16, telling his mother he wanted a "cabot" for Christmas (but did not tell her how to spell it, it sounds like "kapo") and you have to agree it was "out there" for mothers but their relationship was such that she enjoyed the challenge. I'm sure your boyfriend has heard of "flowers" :-) but I think they sound like a challenge to him and he could be a bit scared as well as clueless as to how some women/you might feel about them; there's nothing in his experience like that? Does he have hobbies or anything that you can tell him, "My receiving flowers from you would be like. . . for you"?

[unaluna]

My 2nd ex-husband used to bring me magnificent bouquets, purchased with my money. He also used to cheat on me with other men. Buy yourself the bouquet you want, have fun arranging it, and count your blessings that he's too shy or embarrassed or whatever to hang out in the floral dept.

If it's any consolation, I've never received any flowers either. Of course this may be due to gender discrimination.

[unaluna]

gulas, you should try dating my ex-husband!

Hankster, do you mind if I politely decline?

I've always been a giver of bouquets but I've always resented the expectation of such, on a par with the assumption that with an engagement comes a diamond ring (Damn DeBeers!). There's a regular at my no-longer-patronized watering hole that used to dig flowers out of the dumpster behind the bar and give them to the bartenders; a florist shop was next door and so the thing was always full of rejected blossoms. That's the kind of gesture I wish could become more of the norm, rather than the mindless trip to the florists for the over-priced, over-represented roses. It becomes a cliche, don't you know, devoid of meaning...Having said this, my last gf did squawk at me for not giving her flowers more regularly-even though I had tilled in a flower garden (and regular veggie garden) for her, as well as any number of other little gestures that I thought would delight her. But some women (and men) are never satisfied, eh?

[unaluna]

My dad worked in a factory so apparently he was exposed to a lot of country music? After he had a stroke, my mother took over the gardening and started planting rose bushes all over the place, complaining that she had asked my dad to plant more roses over the years, but he never listened to her, and now she was in charge and she was going to have her roses! My dad, grinning, would reply to my (totally non-musical) mother, "I never promised you a rose garden!" So yeah, I hear ya!

26 years with my husband here and flowers certainly fewer than 10 times. Many men just don't even think about it. I have learned to just pick up the flowers for my own enjoyment from time to time and just not worry too much about whether my husband does that sort of thing. After all, he has plenty of other positive qualities and I know I am loved. I can overlook this short-coming.

[gma45]

Farmgirl sounds like you figured it out. I don't like being told what to do, takes the fun out of it. I bet when you least expect it you will get what you want from him. Enjoy the other little things too. take care!

[LylaJean]

I love flowers too, but my hubby often forgets. It makes it more special when he does it on his own!! Once he even pulled over the car while we were driving and picked some daffodils off the side of the road for me. I think the reason he thought of it is because I had been picking my own wildflowers and keeping them in a vase on my table, and once they died I was sad and let him see me bummed out that my flowers were gone. He's gotten me flowers a few times since then because our table looks bare without them!

[LylaJean]

Oh, I forgot something. I would highly recommend the Love Languages books, if you haven't already read them. It helped me so much to be able to see that "gift giving" is not my husband's love language. He's much more of a words of affirmation and physical touch type of guy. It helped me learn to make him feel loved his way, and understand why he doesn't think to love me in mine. Everyone tries to love their significant other the way they want to be loved.