My wife of 8 yrs cheated.

we are still together, and working on our marriage, but im having a hard time trusting her, i want to know everything she is doing during the day, whats really hard is we work different shifts, mine 1130-8, her 3 to 11.
so the biggest is after i leave for work, im always thinking she is having some random guy at the house or going to his house.
i have recently started seeing a therapist, to help me deal with these feelings.

I know my wife loves me cause she comes home to me everyday, but the trust thing is killing me, it has been 2 months now, and she tells me she has had no contact with HIM since nov 3. i promised her as of 2012 i will no longer bring it up.
but i get strange feelings everytime we are apart, that she is hdidng something from me, we have been talking and she tells me she is not doing anything, but then again TRUST is killing me.

Cheating can damage trust and it takes awhile to rebuild. My ex-husband cheated on me and then blamed me for his affair. We could never rebuild trust even though I really wanted to. It sounds like you wife has taken ownership for her mistake and is committed to working on your relationship. I know trusting her must be really hard, but whatever you feel I do not think you want to wave it in her face unless you have absolute, undeniable proof that she is cheating again. Trust is a two way street and she needs to know that you have forgiven her. I do not know the details of your situation, but is there a chance that she feels bad about what happened too?
Time will tell, but healing will take time. I am really hoping that things do work out for you and that you will have a strong marriage again.

she keeps telling me that she made a mistake, i have been working on trusting her again, and again i do know that she LOVES ME.
i have just now stopped taking all the blame for her cheating, i wasnt the greatest husband in the world, taking her for granite, not giving her the attention she needs and deserves, i have been working on that, reading help books, talking to her about how i feel, and like i said seeing a therapist.

i was hoping for someone else to talk to on here, thats why i joined.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position
I'm glad you are seeing a therapist, that will really help you get back on your feet. You may also, at some point, and not necessarily right away consider looking into a marriage counselor.

I wouldn't put that restriction on yourself to not bring it up now in the new year. There will come a time when you will comfortably not want or need to bring it up but let yourself get there on your own path. Anything less will rugsweep the issue and cause more damage and lead to resentment. One of the biggest things I've learned (ok, I'm working on learning it) that if there's a problem you have to deal with it.

The only timeline that will work here is yours and if your wife is deserving of your marriage she will be willing to work with it. At a year past the event I still sometimes bring it up. Now it's usually needing a quick reassurance rather than a long drawn out discussion on the what's and the who's but this can be incredibly damaging to one's self esteem.

2 months...it's a long road. I remember the times when he was at work....or not within eye sight even. It was crazy-making. Can you ask your wife to send you a texts throughout the day? One when she gets to work, breaks, leaving work. Texts letting you know what she's doing. It seems ridiculous but that did help earn some trust.

Have you both looked into seeing a counsellor? The reasons why she cheated on you in the first place? 2 months isn't very long to begin to gain trust again so quickly it will take time (((hugs)))

I agree, marriage counseling for both of you is the best option. I'm sorry you've been hurt by this and I know what it feels like. You can't just stuff away your feelings, they need to be processed and validated. You both also need to find out why she cheated - is it from only her or was there marriage problems. As others have said, it takes a while for the pillar of trust to be built up again. Your feelings are normal and natural.

There's really nothing else that you can do besides take her word that she is sorry and will never cheat again...People make mistakes...I get it...Cheating is a big mistake though...I can't tell you what to do...Every time she leaves the house you will be wondering what she is doing...Every time she goes to the store, you're wondering...Every time she leaves the room, you will want to check her cell phone for evidence...Every time her phone rings you'll be wondering who it is...How many times did she cheat? What happened? I agree with Larissa....It takes a long time to rebuild trust after cheating...

RegularJoe, I think everyone is correct about these things taking considerable time. There was clearly something not right with your marriage for this to happen and it's clear that this has to be addressed before the trust can be regained...and a counselor may be your only solution to really get the issue out in the open. I seriously doubt if the problem has just gone away; this doesn't mean she is still cheating, it just means that she has decided to return to the status quo and hope that things change by themselves the short answer to that is that things will not change. She may continue to be faithful but the underlying cause of the infidelity will have never been resolved. I don't honestly know what I would do in your position because I have sworn up and down that infidelity spells an immediate and absolute end to a relationship for me. What I like to think I might do is take the very highest road and give her unconditional love at that very moment when she expects nothing but resentment and mistrust. Who knows, at that point, she may open up to you and reveal the source of her discontent. Whatever you may choose or are capable of, you cannot just let things lie the way they are or nothing will ever change. And your relationship will stagnate even further until the next incident. I wish you well and like the others have said, don't put any timelines on these things.