[MarkWantsHappy]

Hi,

I think I'm about to completely lose my partner.

Although, at my request, he moved out in June, we will have been together for 13 years in February.

I've had depression since infancy and these last few years have been particularly bad for me. So bad that I was planning to take my own life last year and that's why I asked my partner to leave, so I'd have a place to kill myself and he would'nt be the one to discover my corpse.

Last night we were talking/arguing? and I told him about it - he was shocked, I now regret telling him as I am unsure if he can cope with this news and I fear that it will cause us to split up.

We texted today and he says he needs space and time as he is shocked by this news.

I feel foolish telling him. I ****ed up, what was I thinking.

Mark.

[shezbut]

((Mark))

Some people can sympathize and are shocked and sad to hear how seriously another considered suicide.

My ex-hub was not understanding of my lifelong major depression ans self-hate. Not at all. His realization led to our divorce.

My current bf, however, was much more sympathetic. He came and visited me in the hospital. His perspective was thankfully a lot more supportive.

Point is, it's a little early to see how your bf will judge you. Hopefully, he'll be supportive and kind, but also see to it that you are getting the help that you need. It can be a tricky position for a significant other to be in at times. That's a good reason to take suicidal ideation off your list of Do's. If SI is still strong, you still need serious help.

Gentle hugs to you...

[Perna]

Have you two had any couples counselling? That might help support him to better understand your sharing and might support you in working on your issues?

[Unrigged64072835]

((Mark))

As someone who has constant depression and was a spouse of someone who committed suicide, I can relate to both sides.

I can understand your dilemma of wanting to spare your partner of what would've been a traumatic experience, and I've been in a depression that deep. I know that when I'm in a really bad space, I don't want anyone to worry about me or I don't think anyone would care.

However, I can also understand your partner's shock and subsequent emotional turmoil over such a disclosure. He may be asking himself a lot of questions right now, and only he will know the answers.

Regardless of what your partner does, you need to get professional help if you still have plans. Whether he's there for you or not you need a lot of support.

[MarkWantsHappy]

Just a quick update...

He is being very distant.

We haven't spoken since New Years Eve/early morning.

I've sent some texts, he has replied to a couple of them.

Im trying to not be needy.

This doesn't look good doest it !

M.

[LylaJean]

You were honest with him, and how could being dishonest have really benefited you both? Don't regret your honesty, regardless of his reaction. Every significant other has to deal with their partner's issues in their own way and time. If he can't deal with yours, well, then he doesn't deserve you. But let him be distant so he can sort it out. It's heartbreaking and I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it sucks.