[DespondentDaisy]

Okay, so this has been bugging me for a while now. I get along great with my family, differing degrees with each family member; as I'm sure of course is natural. I have a close relationship with my mom and one of my two brothers. The other one, well, not so much. But I know I shouldn't feel bad because he's a bit aloof from all of us. I just feel like in the past I didn't make the effort to connect with him maybe? But now I have a great relationship with my other brother- we call each other fairly often- but with my oldest brother it's always a bit of a strain. It's like pulling teeth. Like today, I talked to my one brother a good 45 minutes on the phone, a good catch up, free for all, what have you, it was nice. I hadn't spoken to him since before Christmas, seeing as he and his wife were on the east coast this year with her family. I saw my oldest brother and his wife on Christmas Eve. So a bit later, (not right away, 'cuz I don't like to call one person after the next, it's sort of forced feeling that way) I decided to try to calling my oldest brother. It rang and rang and I left a nice message.
I was surprised he called me back within ten minutes. I don't know what he was doing, still at work or the gym. See my other brother mentions a lot of details like that, same with my mom.
Granted, he doesn't owe me any explanations, but it's like we just talked about christmas and the girfts and how I was and how he and his wife were but that was it. Not even ten minutes. I was ready to keep talking but I guess it's hard to force a relationship with someone if they're just not feeling it. I mean, that's just the impression that I get. He always seemed closed off and private. Which is how I feel myself and relate to him more but sometimes I just think I'm a just a bit more personable and socially with it perhaps. But then, I don't talk to him as much thought we always say we'll talk more often when we do talk.
Granted, he was going to the store and didnt really have time to talk but I'm realizing that it's always more or less the same conversation with him. Maybe I'm thinking too much, but the last time I had a really long conversation with this brother like I do with my other brother and mom was maybe like 7 to ten years ao. I hung up the phone feeling worse than before. I was upset and saddened in fact, I played some angst music for a bit. I just don't know if I should even bother much.
I mean, he and his wife say they care- he says he loves me a lot, but it's just not the same feeling I get as with my mom and my other brother and his wife. They're more engaging. Granted, my oldest brother's wife is engaging when I see her, but he's mostly not. I don't know, I guess he just has a difficult personality and I should'nt think too much on it?

Follow up- I talked to my mom and she remined me of how my oldest brother does'nt like to talk on the phone. I haven't talked to him on the phone in a while so I guess it was easy to forget- I remember now he even told me that recently. And he's always fine in person- I guess I'm too sensitive sometimes. lol.

[mazing]

We are all sensitive at times. I'm sorry you were upset by the conversation. As your mother said, some people are quieter and less chatty than others. Your brother may just have a different style of communication.

I hope you are feeling better after talking to your mum.

[Perna]

Other people, even brothers have their own take on family. I have three brothers and get along great with two and the third one has kind of opted out of the family. But we know that's him, not us.

[lad007]

Don't take it personally I don't like to talk on the phone either. I rarely answer it, I just call back when people leave messages. Like your brother did. Your Mom is right, he doesn't like to talk on the phone, and when I do I like to get off quick and say I have to go somewhere or have something to do. I have to talk on the phone at work, so when I am home, I don't want to do it.
I like email a lot better. Can you email him? He may like that better.

[DespondentDaisy]

Yeah, I've email him sometimes. He checks his email about as much as I do, perhaps less. lol (he's responses are pretty short. I don't know- perhaps he just bad at non face-to-face- because he can guage peoples feelings unless in person? I don't know. My mom also said that when he does want to talk, he'll talk you're ear off- thought this has only really been with my mom and other brother, not with me. I can relate to that. My mom calls me a lot, and we don't always have a long talk- but I was really in the mood to have a heart to heart with my older brother and I felt like he just cut me off. I hate feeling like it's only on his terms, you know? I don't know.

Originally Posted by lad007

Don't take it personally I don't like to talk on the phone either. I rarely answer it, I just call back when people leave messages. Like your brother did. Your Mom is right, he doesn't like to talk on the phone, and when I do I like to get off quick and say I have to go somewhere or have something to do. I have to talk on the phone at work, so when I am home, I don't want to do it.
I like email a lot better. Can you email him? He may like that better.