[radio_flyer]

Wow, seems AJ has been seeing a psychiatrist for meds for ADD...AND He opened up to the doc today. Doc told him to stop tell his g/f about our problems and to stop telling me about the problems he and his g/f are having. WOW good advice so far....They only way I know what is going on is when either AJ or his g/f tell me...

Doc said that telling me the "bad or problems" he and his g/f are having that I'd be protective of him. Doc said AJ needs to work on his "communication" skills. ANd the doc told him if he needed to, he'd see him and his g/f together and would charge him half, since aj is seeing him now for the ADD.

Things hit the roof here... AJ's g/f blew up at me and well I blew up back at her and at this point I want little to do with her... THe Doc told AJ to just give it time and things will prob smooth out/.....

I am so proud of AJ for talking to the psychiatrist... Seems he is willing to work with AJ and this is a good thing........ wipes brow

[Open Eyes]

(((((radio flyer))))))

It seems like this girlfriend is testing boundaries all the time. Her own family probably expressed boundary problems. It would be interesting to know what kind of relationship this girl had/has with her mother.

[radio_flyer]

Not sure about her relationship with her mother. I think she did mention a few times they "butt" heads, but don't quote me on that.

I do know she wants everything her way.. When she is downstairs, "her way" does not count.. Everything I say she wants to top it.. I am only commenting, not "telling" her what to do.. geeeeeeeeeesh........She likes to twist things around too....... ANYWAY, for now and I don't even want to see her, let alone talk to her...... I've had it............SHe can play "master" upstairs.....

Odd thing is... She had conflicts with the past renter, so he left... Her sister slept with all of AJ's friends and when her sister had problems with AJ's friends she slept with, AJ's friends stopped coming around... WHich means, not one of AJ's friends come around anymore.. I am not pointing fingers, I am just saying it is "odd"..

Now she is holding the baby against AJ.. LIKE now she is in control.. SHe went off on me when I said AJ has rights too... She said when she has the baby AJ can see the baby.. I muttered, "how sweet of her"... Wrong words.. . Maybe I need better communication skills, because she went off on me.. ouch..

ANYway.... time will tell......... and since AJ is talking to a doc, things might improve... there is always hope, i guess...

[John25]

Wow, the psychiatrist gave AJ great advice! So true, they need to work on their problems and issues together and you shouldn't be involved that much in their relationship in the first place.

[Open Eyes]

(((((Radio Flyer)))))

Wow, this girl and her sister have some baggage that displays that they come from a very disfunctional family. This girl must have been the controling manipulative entity in her home, carries some deep anger issues as well. It is wise that AJ is getting help, but he truely needs to see and understand what real issues this perspective mate is carrying, otherwise he is going to be put through a painful troubling future and sorry to say, you will be watching in concern. I can't blame you for being troubled with this, your boundaries are being threatened constantly and this girl definitely wants control of everyone in her path and now she has a new weapon, that child inside her.

If AJ can work it to get her into therapy with him, perhaps he will get to learn about her issues and he will have to make choices based on that. I just feel sorry for this new life that is going to be born into an atmosphere of a confused controling mother.

I am truely sorry that your being disturbed by what you see, I can't blame you for being frustrated and concerned. You cannot do anything other than maintain your own boundaries as you are, and you truely are being tested. What you can do is keep supporting AJ in seeking help as he is as this will give him the professional guidance he will need to understand what he is truely dealing with. If he can get this girlfriend into therapy with him, that would be great, it would be so helpful to him. I think that this girlfriend is disordered and he should know the reality of her.

You don't have to tell him that though, just keep supporting therapy, and you can present a give that this girl desires by your support in the therapy. Let her think it is her idea and it will give HER what she wants, more control.

(((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

[radio_flyer]

Open Eyes

Funny, when I first met her I was so excited and hoping they'd get married... Don't think I should say "out loud" my thoughts about her now... To be honest, this really is AJ's life. He is a grown man...He makes his own decisions when it comes to his "relationships". Is really none of my business.... Which is a relief for me..... I don't want in the middle.. I know more about her than I want to know... And what I do know is that she is controlling, a liar and manipulating.........She does have some good things about her, just right now I can't think of them.......Isn't written in any book that says I have to like her....And I'm not feeling oh so fond of her....... I can get along her..... Trust has been shattered....I will never cause or create any problems with her.......... I will tolerate her as AJ's g/f and maybe someday wife..............As I said earlier, this is AJ's life, not mine.........And it isn't important that I like her or not... as long as AJ is happy..... I can tolerate her and smile and chat and that is about it on my part.....It feels good to let go...............Now that AJ has a doc he can talk to, is much easier for me to let go...........

Just at this point, lol, I can't be in the same room with her, let alone talk to her.......... As the doc said, time might smooth things out....and I am not counting the minutes.... .who knows..........

[Caretaker Leo]

This is good to hear! It is really, really hard to cut the ties that bind us to our children - but at some point we have to learn how in order to regain our own sanity!

Just wondering - Does AJ and GF pay rent to live in your home? If not, gee, it sure seems it is time they did. Especially if they are going to have a child.

My adult son lives with me. He can't pay rent yet because he doesn't have a job. But, he pays his way by doing a lot of work inside and outside to help us. Otherwise, we would have to hire someone to do that work. Yet, I have made it absolutely clear that if he gets someone pregnant - he is on his own and can't live here.

It took me many years to finally be able to set boundaries and stick to them with this son. I know it isn't easy. But I now feel as though I do have a say in what does and doesn't happen in the home that my hub and I are paying for.

[radio_flyer]

Caretaker Leo... I don't know what to say anymore other than I don't want to be around her. She is plastic. ANd I don't want to deal with her at this point...I think she tried to create a wedge between the relationship I have with AJ...But what she did was create a wedge between her..........AS long as AJ is happy, that is what matters... AM sure he is trying harder because of the baby........I doubt the relationship would have lasted, but now there is a baby....not more I can say.......It is "their" life... AND I am very comfy with that... wipes brow..........

As I have said often, I never wanted to be in the middle. I only knew what was going on when either AJ or his g/f told me....ANd I did hear them fighting almost every night. Many times I did check on them, to make sure things didn't get way out of hand... As she is a drama queen... ANd well, AJ has a temper... SO believe me, it was loud.

Since AJ has been talking to the psychiatrist, I feel better that he is working on "his" issues. He needs to live his own life and make his own decisions.. And he wants to... He is trying...

[blur]

radio, did you tell aj about the drugs that you saw awhile back in her little purse? if not, you really should for the health of his child. you don't need proof as you word is plenty i'm sure. he needs to know this so his child doesn't come out a drug addicted mess. this is quite serious and ignoring that would be disastrous for both aj and his child. also, my guess is the reason his g/f is so emotionally volatile is because of the drugs.

[radio_flyer]

hi blur.... I didn't tell aj about the stuff I found. It wasn't in her purse... It was in what looked like a pencil holder or cosmetic bag and was on the countertop... I just happened to look in it because it was cute and was shocked in what I found...

Thing is, AJ knows about her "addictions"... He is the one that made her "get clean".. Which for the most part, she did come clean... AJ would give her random urine tests... And the stuff in the cosmetic bag came up possitive....

I regret that I didn't tell AJ.. I regret that I didn't grab the bag and take it directly to AJ. I was just surprised because I believed her when she swore up and down she was clean... AJ gave her random urine tests and the stuff in the cosmetic bag came up positive..

SHe is so good at telling lies so you would have to have the "evidence" right in front of her to prove anything.. ANd even then she prob could talk her way even out of that as she is a very good liar... Pills were found behind a picture in the bathroom and she blamed it on the renter... Pills were found on the bottom of her purse and she swore up and down she didn't know how they got there... Pills were found on the floor of her car and she shrugged it off saying she didn't know anything about it............

She is under prenatal care now, so I would think if she is taking anything, the doctor would find it? She said she talked to the doctor about the prescriptions she was addicted to and the doc said the baby "should" be ok......I just hope some where along the line she learns to be truthful and stay clean, if not only for herself, but for the baby too....SO for now, we have to believe she isn't taking anything other than prenatal vitamins....

AND in the future, should I ever find anything questionable I will take it directly to AJ... ANd I don't care where and how I found it.....I would not hesitate taking action immediately.........

[blur]

radio, this is great that aj discovered it and has been able to help her get clean. that is quite impressive! maybe being pregnant will be just the motivation she needs to stay clean. i hope so. i can certainly understand your shock at the discovery and not quite knowing how to handle it as you totally trusted her. you and your son have com a long way. congratulations on being a grandma.