[FireWoman]

I am fully aware that I stayed in an abusive relationship for 5 years because it is what I grew up with!

My Brother and I have made much progress in our healing process but last night I saw him suffer a set back. He is experiencing a VERY stressful time. While I can sympathize and have been there for him 100%, he "wigged out" and began to backslide last night. He interrupted me and began screaming at me for something I said. I calmly told him that I would not be yelled at. I have never done that before! Usually I would apologize and defend my words. Not this time! He then stopped, as he was doing something else in the background, and interjected to say that he had to go and would call me right back. So I went back to my knitting. My first thought was "well good, you can call me back and pay for the long distance as I am not PAYING to get berated and yelled at!". As the phone rang I told myself not to answer. Although he needs support, he is not going to get it while dumping on me. I refuse to speak to him while he is in that state and will be there when he calms down and can use his words like an adult! I didn't feel guilty about it either.

I told myself that it didn't matter if he was on his dime or mine, under my roof or not, I do NOT deserve to be yelled at EVER! I have never thought this way before! I feel so good right now. I love my Brother, but I will not sacrifice myself worth for ANYONE ever again!

A book that I have been reading and would highly recommend is "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. This gem has been a life saver for me and I hope that it can be for some of you too!

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* May we all heal!

[beauflow]

Fire Woman-- Go you

I too have had many related incidents that you discribe in your post with my own brother.

It does get to a point in time where - As Many Like to call them- Boundaries to be put in place.

I still have to work on mine; but thank you so much for sharing this.

You are right, you don't need to put up with yelling or belittling from him, esp when you are trying to support him


many hugs and smiles your way

[Callmebj]

This is wonderful that you can do this for yourself. Kudos to you!

[shezbut]

Good job, FireWoman!

It sounds like you stuck to your guns and didn't back down at all. Awesome!!

What's even better is that you don't regret the decision that you made. Very confident. I am impressed!

[JLarissaDragon]

I can identify with your situation too. I have put up with horrible verbal abuse from a stepson and sometimes from my husband as well. I applaud the fact that you were able to set a boundary. I find that really hard but necessary sometimes if you are going to maintain any self respect at all. I have to keep telling myself no one deserves to be verbally abused and degraded regardless of how angry one might become. You sound like a compassionate person who is learning to take care of herself. I am impressed that you have been able to stick to your boundary. Hopefully it will give him time to cool down and behave rationally

[FireWoman]

Thanks everyone! BIG HUGE *HUGS* to you all!

We can all do this! I know we can! JLarissaDragon, stay strong! beauflow *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* It is so tough when it's your own Brother!

You know what else I found helped? Crayon Therapy. At least that's what I call it. If this is happening to us because we have been conditioned through our childhood, then we need to nurture our inner child! So I bought myself a 64 box of crayons and some very colourful construction paper. I made all kinds of signs with pictures. I even taped some on the ceiling so it would be the first thing I saw in the morning. Things like "Be Positive" (with a bumble bee drawn on) or "Love Yourself" with big hearts all over. I just made a whole bunch of these colourful and positive messages, ideals and goals that I want to inspire in my life. Reminding myself that we are all worthy and beautiful! I laid on the floor, like a big kid crayons strewn around and created these wonderful pictures and messages. I plastered them all over my apartment. It really helped me to be mindful of what is important in life.