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View Poll Results: nerves about new boyfriend | ||||||
should I wait |
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4 | 44.44% | |||
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do what my body says |
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5 | 55.56% | |||
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Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll |
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#1
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Hi, I'm Carol and new here. Let me start by saying that quite a lot has happened in the past few months. I was married for 15 years. My husband has suddenly passed away recently. I am just dealing with admitting to myself and telling the truth about how bad my marriage was. MY family doesnt understand why I stayed with him. He treated me badly and verbally abused me constantly. he had not touched me intimately in 2 years. I am catholic and do not believe in divorce. I have only told a few select people about this. (counseller and best friend)
2nd issue. I thought I was ready to move on with my life, so I joined a catholic dating site. I met a nice man, and because my husband had not touched me in so long, my body wants to be intimate. He holds me and kissed me, but we have not been intimate yet. I am confused as to whether I want sex with him because of the time it has been since I have been touched, or because he is good to me, and I really care for him? He is willing to be patient with me, so it is not really a rush, although I feel like I've been holding back on him. |
#2
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Hi, carolr, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).
I'm sorry for the difficulties you are going through. I think I know a little about your husband; my brother-in-law was kind of like that to my stepsister. He was a pill to the whole family but she would not get divorced either. I am glad you have a counselor and friend to talk to about your marriage and are working that through. I don't think it matters "why" you want sex with him; you seem to be aware of your body and the issues with being intimate too soon and it looks to me like you are well on your way to making up your mind what you want to do with that issue. He sounds like a nice man with his willingness to be patient. I, myself, would wait a bit until I had processed my marriage and grieved for what it could have been, etc. and was more sure of my feelings for the new man; it would be just more difficulty to move forward too soon and then realize one was just "using" him.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#3
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Carol if you can, I would wait awhile if you have not known this man long. I jumped into something like this after my husband had been gone for a couple of years...and although he was nice enough, it was far too soon and he wasn't even the type of man I would go
for. Make sure it isn't your body that rules so you can respect yourself. |
#4
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Just be careful you don't get hurt. If you are religious and married a time, you may not have a lot of experience with men(maybe you do I don't know), but a lot of men only want to hook up, and then they move on, and that hurts. If you are just wanting a physical relationship it's fine, if you want deep feelings to develop that takes time.
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![]() carolr
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