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View Poll Results: nerves about new boyfriend
should I wait 4 44.44%
should I wait
4 44.44%
do what my body says 5 55.56%
do what my body says
5 55.56%
Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 08:06 AM
carolr's Avatar
carolr carolr is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 5
Hi, I'm Carol and new here. Let me start by saying that quite a lot has happened in the past few months. I was married for 15 years. My husband has suddenly passed away recently. I am just dealing with admitting to myself and telling the truth about how bad my marriage was. MY family doesnt understand why I stayed with him. He treated me badly and verbally abused me constantly. he had not touched me intimately in 2 years. I am catholic and do not believe in divorce. I have only told a few select people about this. (counseller and best friend)
2nd issue. I thought I was ready to move on with my life, so I joined a catholic dating site. I met a nice man, and because my husband had not touched me in so long, my body wants to be intimate. He holds me and kissed me, but we have not been intimate yet. I am confused as to whether I want sex with him because of the time it has been since I have been touched, or because he is good to me, and I really care for him? He is willing to be patient with me, so it is not really a rush, although I feel like I've been holding back on him.

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  #2  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 10:36 AM
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Perna Perna is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
Hi, carolr, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I'm sorry for the difficulties you are going through. I think I know a little about your husband; my brother-in-law was kind of like that to my stepsister. He was a pill to the whole family but she would not get divorced either. I am glad you have a counselor and friend to talk to about your marriage and are working that through.

I don't think it matters "why" you want sex with him; you seem to be aware of your body and the issues with being intimate too soon and it looks to me like you are well on your way to making up your mind what you want to do with that issue. He sounds like a nice man with his willingness to be patient. I, myself, would wait a bit until I had processed my marriage and grieved for what it could have been, etc. and was more sure of my feelings for the new man; it would be just more difficulty to move forward too soon and then realize one was just "using" him.
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  #3  
Old Jan 12, 2012, 12:13 AM
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Callmebj Callmebj is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: OK.
Posts: 507
Carol if you can, I would wait awhile if you have not known this man long. I jumped into something like this after my husband had been gone for a couple of years...and although he was nice enough, it was far too soon and he wasn't even the type of man I would go
for. Make sure it isn't your body that rules so you can respect yourself.
  #4  
Old Jan 12, 2012, 09:16 AM
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lad007 lad007 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 328
Just be careful you don't get hurt. If you are religious and married a time, you may not have a lot of experience with men(maybe you do I don't know), but a lot of men only want to hook up, and then they move on, and that hurts. If you are just wanting a physical relationship it's fine, if you want deep feelings to develop that takes time.
Thanks for this!
carolr
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