comparing new boyfriend to husband

I was married for 15 years and my husband passed away recently. I am trying to move on, have talked to my therapist about it, and now have a new boyfriend. I find myself comparing my new boyfriend to my husband....how can I stop this? I realize I'm doing it, and it makes me feel bad, and guilty.

You can't switch to stop comparing him. If you catch yourself doing it, you could say to yourself to stop it, but it means that he's still on your mind and that you're not completely ready to move on yet, I think.

((carolr))

Awfully hard not to compare, you spent many years with your hub. Experienced a lot of things together. Natural to notice that different people have different ways of dealing with similar experiences.

If you find yourself comparing the two frequently....daily, I'd say that you definitely need a little more space in the relationship. If your comparisons make you miss your husband, you need more time.

I wish you the best...

My husband died almost 5 years ago....any new guy would have a hard time being excepted as he is. Being married a long time, it's natural....best that you do not
mention him to the boyfriends though. If you really meet someone who attracts you,
I'll bet those comparisons will fall by the wayside.

I have to agree that you may need more time. After my husband died, I started dating about 3 years after his death. I thought that would be enough time -- well, it wasn't. His death totally devastated me and I found that I was comparing every single thing about my date to my husband which wasn't fair. So I decided to stop dating, and just give it more time. I'm glad I did. You may want to do the same thing. I know you're probably lonely, but you can keep busy doing other things.

I wish you the very best. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee