Can't make up my mind..

One week I love my boyfriend and I'm picturing marriage and kids together, the next I am avoiding him as much as possible because I'm upset with our relationship.. I have Borderline Personality Disorder so I guess this is considered normal but... I can't make any big decisions... I am so terrified of my son getting hurt, too..

For example, we have been planning since September to move in together in April. Well, in a couple weeks I'd have to give my two months notice to my landlord and I don't think I can do it. I don't want to make the worst decision of my life and end up stuck with someone who I already avoid half the time. I love him, I really do.. We have only been seeing each other for 5 and a half months, although we've known each other for 12 years.. But I just can't stop stressing and I'm losing sleep over it and I think it's putting too much strain on a new relationship. I just don't think I can do it yet...

Is that bad?? I lived with my son's dad after 3 months together.. we got our own place after 5 months together and by 8 months we'd broken up and I was single at 5 months pregnant. Not only that, but the time we DID live together was terrible.. We screamed in each other's face every day and I spent most nights crying myself to sleep on the couch.. I just don't want to somehow end up in that place again...

You're just not ready to move in with him yet, I think. Just tell him you need some more time, he should understand.
That's not bad. Not because you moved in with person A "soon" makes it logical to move in with person B early too. (Not that I think you moved too soon or fast or whatever, I just didn't know any other words for it, lol).

I think that's probably true. It's tough because as a single mom I am in debt and have to use food banks regularly because I can't afford to buy groceries or even pay my bills half the time. Moving in together would greatly reduce my expenses and help me get out of debt quickly.. but that's a really bad reason to do it when everything else about it makes me anxious, I guess..

It wouldn't hurt your relationship to wait. And it would be a lot better for you, personally.

I can understand the temptation to take him up on the offer now, but it also makes me feel dependent and resentful ~ which I would turn against myself and deepen my self-hate.

Does your son live with you full time right now? If so, do not move in with anyone that you're not sure about. It has nothing to do with whether you love this man or eventually do want to move in together, but I don't think either you or your son can deal with the upheaval if it does not work out. Listen to your gut, it's telling you something. I think it would be emotionally easier to deal with having to go to a food bank for a while longer than to put yourself and him into a situation that could cause you an incredible amount of stress and anxiety.