[worriedabtthefuture]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. He is in the process of moving in with me from another town. Currently he has all his mail sent to my address, but he has told me he is going to get a PO Box number as he doesnt want his name associated with mine he also told me he wanted to have his own apartment as a back up plan so he can go and get away. He has associations with some shaddy people and states he doesnt want to bring them to our home and this is all being done for my protection.

I do have access to his social network and email accounts and he does get a lot of notes from women from his past and some he has recently met. He is a big flirt. I have questioned his actions and he is stating I have nothing to worry about that I'm being insecure. He also is in constant communications with his soon to be ex-wife. All of this behaviour is very unsettling to me, making me question whether I can trust him.

How do I handle this situation and look beyond his rather strange request?

[Perna]

I don't find his behavior particularly strange, but I would stop the move-in-with thoughts; if he's going to have his own place, etc. then you want to spend time with him, at his place nearly as much as he spends with you at yours. Don't let him use you (to get away from people who are looking for him that he doesn't want to know where he is?).

If he has associations with shady people and you know he does a lot of talking with other women, I would rethink how much I'd like to be involved with him; what's the future prospect of happiness look like?

Don't question his actions, decide on your own and let him know. If the behavior is unsettling to you, that is how you feel and he cannot argue with that (he can try, but it's how you feel which he has no control over :-) Let him know you don't need his protection, you are perfectly able to care for yourself but don't need people around you that think you need protecting! Agree with him you feel insecure! There is nothing wrong with any feeling you have, it isn't coming out of thin air.

Tell him if he associates with shady people he does not want to bring to your home (don't do "our") that makes him a shady person also and you do not wish to associate with shady people, never mind who he wants you to/not to associate with.

[JLarissaDragon]

It sounds to me like he is trouble. You say that he has some shady associations and too me that would be a red flag. If he wants his own place then maybe that is where he should be going. It all sounds a little suspicious to me

[mgran]

If he's in contact with dodgy people who he is trying to protect you from, then distance yourself from him. He's dangerous. If on the other hand he's exagerating those claims so that he can maintain a pad for other women, then again, distance yourself, he's a jerk.

Really, I think those are the only two options. He's either involved with some kind of criminal activity, and therefore not someone you should be pursuing a relationship with, or he's spinning you a line and is carrying on behind your back, and therefor not someone you should be pursuing a relationship with... Of course, it could be a combination of both. For example, he could be a small time drug pusher with a bunch of bimboes hiding in the wings.

You say his requests are odd. Yes they are. I'd say there's a serious red flag hanging over this relationship. Get yourself safely out of it, before he brings trouble to your door in the form of police, or gangsters looking for money, or bailiffs, or guys asking to stash illegal goods under your bed. And if not outright illegal activity, you need to avoid him bringing grief to your personal life in the form of unwanted STD's, or aggressive girlfriends confronting you when you least expect it, or women popping up with babies demanding alimony.

The guy's not safe. It even sounds as though he's using you as a convenient way of getting out of Dodge. You don't know his history, or anything about him. You can do better.

[roads]

What all the above said, exactly:

You can do better and, maybe more to the point, you can do safer!

Find a safe way to end this relationship before he moves in, IMHO.

[sandworm]

Only shady customer I see you having to worry about is him.

As a man speaking, I say dump this
cheating ----- . whooops did get censored.

*S*
p.s. dump his stuff on the curb and start selling it 15 minutes before he comes home, have the locks already change by that time and sever all contact.
Your heart deserved what you heart wants.

[worriedabtthefuture]

Thank you for your input. He has asked me to do something that are not on the up and up and I have denied cooperating. I think some ppl just dont get the hint that you can make it "big" in life the right way and not be out to deceive people along the way.

He is constantly telling me about the woman who are pursuing him and that is ok with him. He is now telling me who or whom I can be freinds with; basically wanting me to avoid his part of town and the crowd he runs in.

[lido78]

Are you sure he really is in divorce proceedings with his "soon to be" ex-wife? I've heard this one before...and yes, in my situation, he's still married four years later.

[Caretaker Leo]

Originally Posted by worriedabtthefuture

He is constantly telling me about the woman who are pursuing him and that is ok with him. He is now telling me who or whom I can be freinds with; basically wanting me to avoid his part of town and the crowd he runs in.

Please RUN!!! All I can see is danger for you. Read up on abuse. Telling someone "who they can or can't be friends with" is a definite sign of abuse.

I wish you the best.

i'd say he is actually one of a kind...a rarity...an honest slug! you don't often find a guy who lets you know he is a slug before hand...usually they would just move in & bring the crappy people & problems into your home...so hey be happy he at least is a slug with a conscious. & then run far & fast from him....oh & change your locks..just in case he made a copy of your keys....because he still is a slug with crappy friends.