[Mordecaii]

I know this is going to sound so bad , and i dunno how many will understand where i'm coming from. My partner and i are pretty controlling. I'm very controlling, hes pretty controlling.

we aren't allowed to talk to the opposite sex. With him i am allowed to casually conversant with a few of his close friends 2 or 3 with him there . I don't have any friends but i feel like it would be the same if i had any . Since we both understand how it feels to be so jealous. We agreed a long time ago that its best for us. That it works better for us that way , i don't necessarily need guy friends. and he doesn't need girl friends. So we agree on that . Is that wrong? if we're happy with it and we know its best for us . is it wrong just to avoid those problems in our relationship?

also , even though we agree and we're happy, i am a little distrusting , but thats my own illness. he's never given me a reason not to trust him and i believe he doesn't talk to girls for me . i believe everything he tells me and hes honest with me. but other men have treated me so badly , its just hard for me to believe he doesn't look at other women or talk to them . Now those are all my insecurities and my problems . i figure if i learn to love myself and start to believe im worthy enough for such a wonderful man . the part thats not working about it will be fixed. He understands my insecurities and i that i dont feel i deserve him, He understands how much i hate myself , so when i want reassurance from him , i wait until we're alone . and i confront him in a non threatening way and i explain to him what i am feeling , that today i feel a little insecure and i need to be reminded that your only attracted to me and im all you care about. He explains to me that its true and i feel fine until something else makes me worry about it.

He understands me and my insecurities he's okay with reassuring me and it never causes any problems, except for within myself, which is what i want to work on .But our relationship works fine just like this and we're happy.

I feel like "why fix whats not broken?"

is it still wrong and why ?any feed back?

Is it wrong for two partners in a relationship to mutually agree that both partners will avoid members of the opposite sex who are not their partner? No, not necessarily. There's nothing wrong or even particularly damaging with the proposition alone so long as both parties agree upon the terms and conditions and refrain from violating said agreed upon terms.

It's the underlying insecurities that are bound to cause problems. And this particular arrangement is a result of those feelings. If you want to face the insecurities, the depression, and the mistrust, you need to address this issue.

Furthermore ... I'm assuming you're in high school or college (correct me if I'm wrong). It might be easier to avoid members of the opposite sex in such situations. But what will happen when one of you is forced to work alongside a member of the opposite sex? Be that for a work-related or school project. How are you going to react? How is he going to react?

It's great that he's understanding enough to help you through these problems. But is his behaviour really helping you or the relationship? Or, by reassuring you, is he reinforcing these negative behaviours of seeking validation when you feel insecure?

Are you happy?

[Mordecaii]

Well , We agreed that whenever we need to work .its fine theres nothing we can really do about it. we can be kind and conversant with our co workers as much as needed to get the job done but forming friendships is not okay . but he works with his father for now. no women work there. but if he had to work somewhere where there was an attractive women and i felt threatened we'd talk about it . I Don't know how we'd handle it,but we would mutally .it shouldnt be a problem , mostly because what we're working for is money to save up for our own place together. . whenever i try to explain myself and get advice about this. People think im holding him hostage or something. Its never like that. we agree on everything im telling you, and if theres something we don't see eye to eye about , we compromise. We're very very happy. I'm happy.

When im feeling insecure he's reassurance might be enabling my behavior...
but what im thinking is if i just love myself for myself. and not try to love myself for my relationship.

a lot of my insecurites will go away . But we'll still always be the jealous type . and we're okay with that . We're happy together as we are. I just have a lot of other issues with my self haterd that i actually bring up onto him.

i am 16 but not in highschool . Thankyou for responding. usually i just get nasty judgmental words when i bring this up. i really just want to do the right thing for my relationship . and keep things going well . our two year anniversary is next month (: so thankyou again.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Mordecaii

I feel like "why fix whats not broken?"

That you are so insecure is what is broken. You can never become secure by trying to control outside people/situations because you do not have control of them, ever! He can tell you until he's blue in the face that he's not looking at other women and will you believe him? No. Too, he may be looking and you can't know that.

Work on your insecurities; not in terms of caring/not caring if he looks but on knowing you're the finest/only you out there and that you know you and him and that you know he can look but he ain't gonna want anything other than you and/or if he ever does, that's him, not you/your fault and you can deal with that if it were to happen.

[Mordecaii]

Originally Posted by Perna

That you are so insecure is what is broken. You can never become secure by trying to control outside people/situations because you do not have control of them, ever! He can tell you until he's blue in the face that he's not looking at other women and will you believe him? No. Too, he may be looking and you can't know that.

Work on your insecurities; not in terms of caring/not caring if he looks but on knowing you're the finest/only you out there and that you know you and him and that you know he can look but he ain't gonna want anything other than you and/or if he ever does, that's him, not you/your fault and you can deal with that if it were to happen.

i do agree with you about never really having control of outside situations. but he wouldn't lie to me. I don't look at other guys i don't find other guys attractive , i dont even care enough to look, and i know im not lying when i say that , why can't he think the same way? he does. Hes honest with me. So .. with all do respect i dunno what you're trying to get at but my fiance doesn't lie to me to make me feel better....

and i dont think you completely understood.. Thankyou for answering though . I appreciate you're input.

[needfixing]

as long as the two of you are in an agreement of not have a friendship with the opposite sex then i see nothing wrong with that.
maybe take this time just the two of you and work on trust issues too.