[Mordecaii]

My boyfriend has anger issues so badly , that i should probably break up with him . but i live with him . and i have absolutely no where to go and he supports me . When he gets mad at me he treats me so badly , he pours water on me, spits on the floor in my room , calls me ugly names. sometimes he'll push me . he throws things. he breaks my stuff . it enrages me and makes me wanna cry so bad . but i keep my composer . what do i do?

[roads]

I see in your bio info you refer to this man as your fiancé but only as your boyfriend in your post. Second thoughts? Hope so!

The fact that you keep your composure at age 16 in the face of such outrageous behaviour tells me you know how dangerous he is, how very dangerous he is capable of being. So your question, "what do I do," is rhetorical. You know what to do, Mordecaii.

Pack your rat & your stuff and go to a Women's Shelter. Don't discuss anything with him beforehand.

[Mordecaii]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I see in your bio info you refer to this man as your fiancé but only as your boyfriend in your post. Second thoughts? Hope so!

The fact that you keep your composure at age 16 in the face of such outrageous behaviour tells me you know how dangerous he is, how very dangerous he is capable of being. So your question, "what do I do," is rhetorical. You know what to do, Mordecaii.

Pack your rat & your stuff and go to a Women's Shelter. Don't discuss anything with him beforehand.

yes.. second thoughts. it's not so much that i think he'll hurt me. i just don't want to act as immaturely as he does, i don't want to be apart of his tantrum . i swear he acts like a child.. i don't think i could leave. i love him so much . and i feel so alone besides him. we also live with his parents.. they never know about any of this .they don't pay attention . but when he's angry when their home he's just a little more quiet about it. i just want him to stop treated me this way , don't want to leave him.. he's so sweet to me and he loves me very much i know he does.. i just wish he'd stop treating me so poorly when he's angry ..

Originally Posted by Mordecaii

but when he's angry when their home he's just a little more quiet about it.

This ^ ... Is indicative of emotional manipulation. If he monitors his behaviour in front of his parents (that is, in situations where his anger can get him into trouble), then he knows it's wrong and he is capable of stopping himself. Rather, he knows that he shouldn't be doing it. But he likely feels justified for some reason or another, so he chooses not to stop himself. Such a technique is quite effective in controlling people... Depending on the person, of course.

It also happens to be one of those manipulative techniques that even I know is unethical. So, yeah, cut him loose.

But, out of curiosity, this is the same guy who agreed never to look at or speak to other women?

[jerrymichele]

I have been through emotional and physical abuse. My advice to you is to get out asap. It only gets worse with time.

[taylor43]

I would honesty get out. You do deserve so much better. Go to womens shelter, they can help you. For your safety you need to get out!

[turquoisesea]

I agree - though it might seem important to stay because you love him, I think in most cases this type of treatment gets worse not better. You can't change him, you can't stop him from being rough with you. And the more it happens the more lines he will trust.

You need to learn to be ok, being yourself, lonely at first but I think you can fill up that loneliness with new things you haven't thought of yet

[Mordecaii]

Originally Posted by Michael D.

This ^ ... Is indicative of emotional manipulation. If he monitors his behaviour in front of his parents (that is, in situations where his anger can get him into trouble), then he knows it's wrong and he is capable of stopping himself. Rather, he knows that he shouldn't be doing it. But he likely feels justified for some reason or another, so he chooses not to stop himself. Such a technique is quite effective in controlling people... Depending on the person, of course.

It also happens to be one of those manipulative techniques that even I know is unethical. So, yeah, cut him loose.

But, out of curiosity, this is the same guy who agreed never to look at or speak to other women?

Yes, its the same guy. this never used to happen . it's just recently . Now i'm not exactly sure if its abuse or manipulation . what i feel it is is a child throwing a fit when he doesn't get his way .Hes 17 and im 16 . but i've been an adult since eight years old. this is a very mature relationship . and he never even had a real relationship before me.. he had little middle school , junior high relationship that all lasted less then a month.we've been together for almost two years, but we've only lived together for 6 months of it. i feel like he doesn't know how to handle his anger , he needs to better his communication skills. learn to talk to me when hes upset instead of hitting things. i understand not being able to control you're emotions. before i had no control over my sadness. and i cut myself up my entire arm , til i filled the sink with blood and had no where left to cut.. now last night . when we fought. he hurt my feelings and i was so sad and angry . i didn't even scratch my arm with my nails. i've learned how to control myself a little more. i just feel like he needs help to understand that.. can i do that? can i help him instead of leave him .?

the reason hes quieter when his parents are home is because. well of course they'll be pissed off at him for acting that way . but it they know we fight . they'll kick me out.

his parents are kind of weird that way too.. if i don't clean the house enough they threaten to kick me out. i have no where else to go , and he would die if i had to leave . buut! his parents never tell me i have to leave. they tell him . they tell him that if i dont do something they'll make me leave.