[jimmydio]

i have been told that i am co -dependant.
make a long story short i fell in love with a heroin addict.
our relationship was based on her lying. I didn't know she was a user
for 6 months. after a short time maybe a month (August) she admitted to be hooked on pills. It was untill december that she admited it was heroin not pills. During these months I tried desperatly to help her, money , lies,
stealing from me, you name it, I went thru it.Sad but thru all this I believe
seeing thru into the person she really is at glimpses I believe she truly loves me, wants to be normal ect. We lived together for 2 months, dec and jan.
I threw her out because i couldnt take her problems any more, rehab wasnt happening fast enough.
She has been off heroin for 8 days looks great but today she cover f'ed up.
I found out she got ahold of zanex and is probably taking more methadone
than the 3 a day she was perscribbed.
I have been nmb emotionally toward her and dont feel the love for her.
now its more like pity,
She calls me tonight she has no where to go, stay she got kicked out of her friends house and im the only alternative or its jail or shelter.
iam not going to get her in spite of her situation or tears.
i feel terrible.

[Ortus]

I was a part of the recovery world for four years (in AA but was involved with NA aspects visiting jails, rehabs, and hospitals). Good for you for not placing yourself secondary and sticking to your guns. When someone is in the throws of addiction the "addiction" makes all the decisions. The person only making appearances here and there. She needs to face the consequences. The addiction will do everything in it's power to survive. Including finding people that will enable it to survive. Care from a distance and don't feel terrible for being a true friend and letting her know that what she's doing to herself is unacceptable. Caring from a distance (detaching with love they call it in codependent circles) is not allowing yourself to get entangled in their mess. Placing an appropriate boundary. Sometimes that means repeating over and over - I can't allow you to stay with me, I can't give you money. But I will go out to have coffee with you. A tip someone gave me when I was dealing with an active addict who perpetually dragged me in - Was to remember that it's the "addiction" doing the talking and to envision them as a duck and anything that came out of their mouth translate into what it actually is: Addict talk = "Quack, quack, quack". When they are ready and make moves for themselves toward real change - You'll know it.