[xxKaneLovesZoexx]

Hello.

Basically. Many months ago my Girlfriend started speaking to someone at work. I didn't mind at first because it's nothing to do with me. A few weeks progressed and he started being weird. He didn't like me at all because I was being defensive. And he would ALWAYS listen to her. Never me. He asked her to go to Coffee with him one day and my girlfriend sort of just agreed. But never went.

I found out a bit later on from Facebook messages. It looked like she didn't really intend to tell me about this. We spoke about it and she just didn't seem to take my side on it. He sent me messages saying "Hahaha im going for coffee with your gf" "she wont be your gf for long" So anyway, we spoke and had fights about it. She still didn't really see the problem. And said she couldn't block him as it would be awkward in work.. Anyway, days went passed, things got a lot worse, and I was at breaking point. It got so bad, I slit my wrist and needed treating.

We both spoke to our friends and they both took our sides, obviously. My friend then spoke to my Girlfriend, and she said "I feel like I should just go to prove to Kane nothing will happen" and so he told me.

I still cannot get over this. I cannot even look at the word Coffee without feeling down. Everything from Walking into a shop To asked If I want a coffee. It just overwhelms me. I've now been diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. (This was more than likely caused from that)

This was about 4-5 months ago, and still, every day, it's on my mind. Every second.. What do I do?

[Callmebj]

Sounds as though Kane your prides been hurt and you are distrusting your girlfriend.
If she is still your girlfriend is there a reason other than you mentioned that keeps this on your mind this many months later? You need to feel that you are a worthy boyfriend for her, and jealousy should not be an issue. I hate to think at your seemingly young age that a gf/bf relationship would be a base for hurting yourself like you did. This was hardly a rejection by your girlfriend, but maybe her insight to a flaming jealousy that you seem to own without real reason. Jealousy in itself is enough to drive your girlfriend away, regardless or without the attention of this other guy.
You are a whole person Kane, and it does not take another person to make you a good guy...relax and let it go. Just MHO. hugs, bj

[xxKaneLovesZoexx]

We're still together. What do you think I can do to stop being like this?

[Callmebj]

Kane, I'm no expert, but you might look closer at your jealous feelings and take a look at what's it all about. Is it being possessive, and maybe controlling; wanting her to "only" think of you in a romantic way. I'll bet you look at pretty girls when you see them; what if she got into your face about that? You've ogled pretty women on the screen also.
Females will look at other guys, but that does not mean they will take any action toward doing anything about it. If you make your girlfriend feel safe and loved, and
she is still with you likely for that reason. You need to take a look at your self respect also IMHO, and do you feel she is equal to you or do you feel less than her. Why
the insecurity? Hope you will find a way to stop obsessing on this. Look up jealousy on line in some of the psychology articles and see how you fit into this. Do a little research on your feelings and see how it fits.

Hope you stop this self-punishment, I'm sure you don't deserve having your mind eaten up with this negativity. Take Care now, bj

[summeryoga]

Kane, I am also no expert at all, but I think it is very telling that your username is all about your feelings for your girlfriend (I presume), your 'about me' is really about you being her boyfriend, and your post here is about your feelings regarding your girlfriend. I say this with the utmost compassion, but it sounds like you are more obsessed than in love. You appear to be quiet dependent on her. If you can find/create a fulfilling life outside of your girlfriend, that might be a healthy step to take.

[shezbut]

Kane,

Yes, it sounds like obsession to me as well.

I was once obsessed as a teenager, towards an ex-boyfriend, which caused havoc in my life and felt miserable! I could not get "Mark" out of my mind, no matter what I did. One of my friends and Mark started going out, and that was the end of our friendship.

It was very painful for me, but my misery did end after some time. That obsessive period of my life did end. Mark is a very vague memory to me now. I've also learned to not put so much pressure on my man to always be there for me. I stand back further. Those are some improvements ~ but I'm still working on how to develop a deep level of trust.

Gentle hugs to you Dane. I wish you the very best!