I can't get free of an obsession...please help

Hi all ~

I'll give you a little of my psych background first: dysthysmia, severe depressive episodes, general anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADD (inattentive). And that's what's been diagnosed so far. I suspect I may suffer from mild bi-polar as well, but it could be the ADD manifesting itself as such. I don't know.

Anyway....

Back in August, I began the process of having my back tattooed. I was immediately captivated by my artist, with whom I shared many unusual common interests (history, classical music, film, and other asthetic subjects). We really hit it off, and became fast friends. Before I knew it, I was developing a rather strong crush on him. What complicates this is, of course, I'm very married. Well, this artist quit tattooing to pursue another artistic field, but we continued to talk and we saw eachother a few times. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED...however, I began to confide some dissatisfation I was having in my marriage. I pretty much talked myself into being desperately unhappy with my wonderful husband and wanting to be with Adrian (the artist). My feelings became so intense, it was soon an obsession. Well, Adrian did not return my feelings (at least I don't think so)...I was a buddy....but I didn't see it. I pursued him relentlessly until he told me he was moving across the country. I wanted to say goodbye, and through a series of events, and his true lack of romantic interest, he stood me up four times for goodbye "dates." I was furious and I sent him a horrible letter...full of venom and accusations he didn't really deserve. He wrote me back, pretty much telling me I was a ***** and our friendship was effectively over.
Just as I was beginning to think I was recovering from my heartbreak over this, and trying to talk myself back into adoring my husband, Adrian's move didn't work out. He got his old tattooing job back, and now Ihave to see him every time I go there (I am still working on a large back piece). And of course, with his return, so has the obsession. My stomach feels sick with desire for him and sick with regret that I screwed up such a nice friendship. I tried to communicate my regret and apologies for being so vicious, but he isn't having it. No response.
My husband is a great guy, a devoted spouse, a wonderful partner. I want to love him....I do love him....but I WANT Adrian like a junkie wants heroin. Please..........How do I free myself from this? I am desperately unhappy and it is affecting every facet of my life.

Not even a word of encouragement? Nothing?

I've been there, hun! It's tough, but you will endure it and come out even stronger. Our heart and mind is trying to lead us in the wrong direction sometimes... You love your husband and you belong with him. Look deep into his eyes and feel the connection between the two of you. It's there!

((((((((((Dabonbon))))))))

That's a tough one, Dabonbon. I do wish you luck with it. Your marriage is worth getting whatever professional help you need to kick the obsession. Hang in there!

ouch!
I don't know about tatoos but I would do anything I could to stay away from this dude at this point, your emotional health comes first! Also I agree with LMo's suggestion that therapy would help you kick this obsession. Good luck! We are here for you too!
Take care,
Fuzzy

have you considered going to a different tattoo place? i have four myself, each one done by a different artist in a different state. i think you really need to avoid this person, and the best way to do that is to go elsewhere for the ink. at the very least, you could go when hes not working. by seeing him you might be feeding the obsession. i dont have much expereince with this kind of thing, but i do know that when someones impacting me negatively, i stay clear of them.
as for your marraige, these things do happen. you did nothing inappropriate. applaud yourself for your strength and resolve! the mind is a very strange thing. who knows why we find ourselves drawn to certain people. i think its human to develop little crushes now and again, and you need to forgive yourself that. stay away from the arty tattoo guy and focus on the hubby. when youre around your husband (whom you truly seem to love) remind yourself of all the reasons you fell in love in the first place. you are so lucky to have love! dont let it go.
i believe your feelings for the other will fade in time. but the best advice i can give is keep your distance. dont feed your obsession, starve it until it withers and dies.

Thanks everyone for your responses.....

I would absolutely stay away from this person, but I am right in the middle of a tattoo, and I can't change artists to finish it. It is a very specific style. I do not go to Adrian, but another artist. Un fortuately, Adrian works all the same hours my current artist does. As far as I know, my tattoo only has one or two more sittings to go. After that, I was planning on having a piece I already have fixed, as I have never been happy with it. My current artist has already been working on sketches, and I wouldn't feel right about going somewhere else, especially since I have such a great rapport with him. I guess all I can do is focus on my husband as much as possible. The thing is, after seeing what a self-absorbed jerk Adrian is, I KNOW I'd never be happy with him.....I guess I just hate being hated, and I am probably more obsessed with fixing the friendship more than anything. But, if the friendship was fixed, the crush would return....ugh. i despise my weakness in this situation.

you know, if Adrian really was uncomfortable, he'd find some way to not be in the studio during your appointments. Sounds to me as though he's able to deal, so I don't think you should worry about him hating you or being uncomfortable. You're the customer -- if he's uncomfortable, that's his problem right now. I'm not saying that you're not accountable for your past actions -- you are -- but you are also accountable for your future actions. That means be cordial but impersonal and do not try to fix the friendship or go out of your way to talk to him. Just get your tattooing done and go back home to your husband. (this is my nonprofessional opinion, of course)

Yes....Lmo....You're right. That's about all I can do, and that's what I've been doing. Actually, my husband comes to the studio to check on me while I'm there, so that makes it easier too. As for Adrian...last time I was there, I got the impression he was trying to be noticed. Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of me....don't know. I ignored it. if he speaks, I'll be civil. If not...well....I'll return the lack of acknowledgement. God, this is so childish, ya know? This guy is 43 years old and I'm 41! You'd think at our age, we could be a little more adult.....sheesh.