I don't know what else to say

My boyfriend who is battling depression keeps telling his family, me and the medical staff I am too good for him, that I need to run the other way, he is burden to me, he knows I love him but I shouldnt be with somone like him. I tell him I love him so much, the things why I love about him, He is stuck with me I am not going anywhere, etc. We have a wknd trip planned back to my parents and He says he doesnt want to see my parents because he has nothing to offer their girl. He currently is unemployed and I think that was a big trigger into his decline back into depression. I dont know what to exactly say or do when he keeps saying things like that. Any help?

I don't think you can talk him out of his depression, you just have to be as kind and firm and healthy in your own life as you can. Tease him a bit; when he gets maudlin and starts talking about how you are too good for him, agree with him! "Yes, I am, dear, but you're stuck with me anyway" and smile. When he starts talking about not wanting to see your parents because "he has nothing to offer their girl" remind him that you are your own person and it is not his job to be in charge of you and offering you things for them (or for you)! He is supposed to be working on his depression, not on what he can/can not offer you at the moment. Remind him he is sick and is supposed to be working on getting well, not on his list of regrets and what he cannot do while he's sick!

Hi Laugh. I hope I can be of some help here.

I think you're doing just fine by assuring him as you are. Keep in mind, as he sees himself now as a result of his depression, his self esteem and sense of self worth are rather low. Thus, he can't see himself offering anything for you. This will likely ease in time as his depression eases (you mentioned a medical staff, so I am going off the assumption he is getting help), but you can help him by just being there for him. To me, it sounds as he does genuinely love and care for you. I think, when he looks back on this in the future, he'll realize how lucky he was to have someone like you to help him through this. You just need to do as you are, and be patient with him on his off days.

Just remind him that beside him is where you want to be, not where you feel like you "should" be or where you are "trapped" at.

I hope I was of some help.

I was reading through a couple of your other posts to get some more background to this guy, so far you have stated the following:

- You have been with him 4 months
- He is currently unemployed
- He is being hospitalized (for psyche reasons, apparently)
- He is suicidal and/or has suicidal ideations
- He is lying to you "about everything" (your words)
- Says you "deserve someone better", that you are "too good for him" and you need to "run the other way"

The truth is, he has no business being in a relationship with anyone. Okay, I get it. That's not the romantic thing to say. That's not how a Jane Austen would start a book, but life isn't written by Jane Austen. We are in the Atomic Age, the Jet Age, the Space Age, the Information Age. The great thinkers of our age have made it so you can buy food with stamps, heat your house with the flick of a switch and live well into your 80s without breaking much of a sweat. They've made life pretty easy. Easy enough for you to consider hunkering down in a foxhole with your new, suicidal boyfriend.

If you are so bored with life you want that kind of drama, go ahead. Allons-y! It will be among the most miserable six-months-to-a-year of your life.

On the other hand, pick your battles. You're going to live to 80. Probably longer than that. We're on the verge of curing cancer, heart disease, diabetes and a thousand other things that I either can not pronounce or am completely ignorant of. In fifty years, we'll see viruses and bacteria the same way we currently see house pets. You'll have hippies picketing to save influenza. You'll have to go to a museum to see HIV. So yes, you're going to live to see 80, probably 100, what kind of psychological state do you want to find yourself in when you get there? How much emotional baggage can you deal with?

I am being absolutely honest with you, if you find the type of relationship you're currently in to be ANY bit attractive, then the next 50 years of your life is going to really suck. There are so many red flags in what you've already written that it is mind-boggling that you're looking for advice to keep... it... going.

First of all, you have no history with this guy. Four months? You're not saving a 25-year marriage here. You're not doing this for the sake of the children. You do not (can not) score points saving a 4-month relationship. You've never known the healthy version of this guy. All you've known is the sick version. This also means that any attachment he feels towards you could quite possibly be the result of his emotionally confused mind. You can not base a relationship on the whims of a crazy person. Trust me on this one.

You know 'suicidal' means he wants to kill himself, right? If he can not find his own life valuable, then what makes you think he's going to find yours valuable? In fact, he's already telling you the answer. When someone starts telling you that you 'deserve better', they're going to start doing things to make you believe it and it's only going to escalate until you actually do.

When two people want to be in a relationship with each other, it's hard enough. When one of the people is telling you to get lost 4 months in, then follow their advice. He does not want a relationship to work. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Either you can chose how it ends, which would likely be mature, rational and would give you both the opportunity to reconnect later OR you can let him do it, which would likely be some scorched Earth breakup.

Your boyfriend sounds confused and disturbed. He needs love, but he does not need a relationship. And to be honest, if you've only known him four months, you don't know him well enough to even be a friend. He probably needs to be surrounded by a support structure of well-established relationships. He likely does not trust you a whole bunch. (Do you even have the self-control to be 'just friends' with him anyway?) Besides, you can not fix what is wrong with him. Only he can.

Any advice you get concerning him that doesn't include leaving him will prove to be moot points. You can walk away, let him heal, then come back after he's healthy to start a friendship that could lead to a relationship or you can make this among the most miserable six-months-to-a-year of your life. Just my opinion, of course.