[hope54]

In the grand scheme of things I feel that my question is almost silly to ask. But I wanted some clarity on my issue. My boyfriend of 2 years recently yold me he kissed another girl. I was shocked we seemed to have a perfect relationship. But now I have real trust issues and I feel like I left him off the hook. I did tell him that it could never happen again and he applogized but I almost feel like there should be some sort of consquence. I guess my question is am I over reacting and is my parinoa unfounded? How do I get back to where we were, which was an amazing place?

[Perna]

I don't know how or why he told you? Did you get circumstances (was he drunk and you weren't there, did he seek her out, was it recently or last year, etc., what happened?)?

I would get to talking with him, not about whether you can trust him or he should be "punished"/have consequences for what he did (in the past now) but about your all's relationship; obviously what you think/feel is not what he is thinking/feeling?

It is hard for me to imagine my getting bored/straying from my husband because we talk so well together and are almost in each other's hip pocket knowing what the other is doing, if they aren't doing it with us. I am friends with my husband's ex- (and she visits our house each year for Mother's Day and we often celebrate joint holidays together, etc.) and his friends are mine and mine, he knows.

Don't get me wrong; I have my own life and interests and he has his! But we are interested in each other's lives and listening to each other talk about those lives and experiences and getting the other's point of view and explaining the jokes, etc.

I met my husband at work but he and his ex-wife had no communication in their marriage is how my husband and I got together. When he told her he was unhappy and moving out (and why), she went and changed her hair style to try and make herself more attractive to him; that was her understanding of how to keep a man :-) The understanding of communication and deeper issues just was not there for her.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I have to agree with Perna. Something is wrong somewhere. I'm a widow, but I cannot imagine my late husband doing that. Like Perna, we were always together doing stuff. It seemed we knew what each other was thinking! lol Plus we talked all the time. I can't imagine why your hubby would be telling you that unless it was to make you jealous. It seems like a cruel thing to do.

You two sound like you're having some communication problems. I may be wrong, but perhaps you could sit down and have a talk about what's going on. Not just about this issue, but about in general. You've got to find out how you can get the trust back -- and he'll have to work at earning it back.

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[tinathatcher]

I am experiencing similar trust issues at the moment. My wife just came clean the other day that she had been talking to another women.. To most I don't think it is too big a deal but to me it was pretty bad.. Just the circumstances. She said she had started having "emotions" for this other girl.. she says she is done and that she has cut ties.. and I believe her and want to trust her. But it is hard to get back to that place. I donotthink me and my.partner were ever to that place ever. But I love her. And nothing is going to come between us... Just comes down to.. u willing to put your heart ut there again or are you done.. a relationship without trust is not very good in my oppion..