Read GF's emails. Figured out the awful truth. What to do?

I completely understand you when you say about not having contact with ex bf and gf. I am not secure enough to deal with that at all, especially in a new relationship. I believe that a person's past makes them what they are today. If I ever found out that my bf had treated a woman poorly in the past then it may be a deal breaker for me. Look, she has had this on and off again relationship with this guy. She obviously has feelings for him. Talk to her and let he know your concerns.

Just to play devil's advocate a bit...for those of you who would hate for your significant other to be in touch with an ex, don't you think that still being friendly with an ex may just mean that there was enough love/caring to part ways peacefully and to still respect each other. I once dated a guy who was not in touch with a single ex-girlfriend and he also did not really have any female friends. Even though this made jealously on my part almost impossible, I eventully found out the reason why there were no women in his life other than his mother....and he's one of the few ex-boyfriends I'd never stay in touch with...he was an asshole and he treated women as possessions...when I look at the ex-boyfriends that I still let be part of my life...they are actually pretty great people who have moved on and have wonderful wives or girlfriends....I'm not going to go on vacation with any of them, but a friendly hello now and then just means that I picked well when it comes to who my exes are as people.

Well, no I am not in contact with my ex's. It's my personal prefance. It doesn't mean that there was not love or respect there. My bf is not either, just worked out that way. Sometimes when people go their separate ways they don't keep in contact, same as some friends that I have had.

Not like I would ignore them on the street, but don't go out of my way to keep in contact, nor do they, no bad feelings just moved on. I'm not saying it's a bad thing either way, but it's personal choice and doesn't really reflect what I am like in a relationship or as a person.

To the OP, you are getting a lot of responses that you are dead wrong. I don't agree. Wrong to snoop yes. However, I have done so in the past also, that's how I found out my ex husband cheated on me and also how I found out he was using crack and meth. The snooping was warranted in that case. That's a bit different maybe. However, not everyone is a perfect match an that's ok. You need to find someone who is more compatible with what you believe or want in a partner. You can't force someone to be it, they are or they are not, or it's what you can compromise or cooperate on. If you and her do not match up and you are not happy then walk away. You don't have to make her feel bad about her choices, they are not wrong, they just are not in line with yours. That's ok, maybe you should have just left it at that and made a choice for yourself. Honesty is pretty important with me, but that's my choice and I can choose to be with someone I do trust.

Personally I would have walked away from this. Not because she is wrong, but because it isn't what I am looking for in my partner.

Sorry this all ended with a breakup whenisigonnadonow. This revelation that you invaded her privacy was obviously a deal breaker...like you didn't trust her. Its like reading a diary without permission.

I don't agree with some posts here putting your GF down for the relationship she had with this man - they were friends who agreed to be sex partners when both weren't attached - basically a 'friends with benefits' deal. She didn't cheat on you and you were reading past conversations. Since he made it clear he had someone and neither of them cheated, I don't see the harm in them conversing as friends. Its doesn't seem like she was in any way taken advantage of and I don't think we should judge them if they were pals with benefits when they didn't have partners.

I'm sorry this didn't work out and all you can do is learn from this. I think we can all agree, we wouldn't want someone reading our private emails - its like opening someone's paper mail.

I'm glad you put it all out there. And I KNEW something was up. She's obviously not over him, plain and simple. If she had answers, I honestly think she would have given them to you. The best defense method she could possibly have right now is to push you out of her life.

You can do better. Move on. Within a short time, I can guarantee she'll be f'ing him again. Don't let yourself get caught up in that—walk away, think long and hard about what you have learned in all this, certainly about your own actions as well.

You'll know better, know more, and be more experienced the next time around. Date again, when things heat up, take it slow, and remember all of this.

Good luck to you!

to lynn p.- i think it's clear from their discussion that she had some other feelings for this man. it sounds like like she was less angry about the trust being broken (though yes, she was angry about it), but more like she didn't want to confess or be truthful that there was more going on inside her head with this guy. no he should not have violated that trust, but she didn't seem to be all that honest, did she?

Violations of trust like that are not great, but to completely cut everything off with her bf, to not want to work on things whatsoever, all because of someone who was supposedly JUST a f-buddy?? That...sounds very odd to me. She was defensive about someone and somethign she was not supposed to care about. I don't buy it.