[Tonnieg]

I have bipolar, anxiety, social phobia, agorphobia (sp) very low self esteem, the list goes on.
I have been married 10 years in June and have been with my husband for 13 years. I am 29 years old with no children.
Somehow I ended up in contact with my ex before my husband which lead to a 6 month affair which I moved out of "our" home and moved to a different state to be with my ex. I am now back with my husband trying to work things out. With all of the mental problems I have its hard to see how things can work out. Im just wondering if anyone has had any similair experiences or any good advice on how to heal something that has been broken and shattered into so many pieces. I worked 13 years to make my marriage so strong and truthworthy and then out of nowhere I ruined it and now feel lost. I am not looking for sympathy from anyone I know and totally understand what I did was wrong but I am lost on how to fix this when I feel like Im broken myself. I feel "unfixable" Please only respond if you have some helpful advice, I really dont need someoen to tell me what I did was in the wrong. Thanks

[Leed]

Hi ~ First, make sure you really WANT to fix this. In order to make this work, you've got to be very sure.

Next, you've got to be able to earn back his trust and that can take some time. I'd suggest couples counseling. It might help you understand why it happened in the first place plus it will help keep it from happening again. Counseling can help you deal with alot of problems you may have.

I hope you'll look into couples counseling. I wish you the best. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Tonnieg]

Lee,
Thank you for the kind response. Before the affair happened I had always judged people so harshly on having affairs and could never under any circumstances see how someone could do something like that to the person they love. So thank you for not being cruel and for not pointing out the obvious, that what I did was wrong.
Yes we have talked about going to couples therapy. We dont see how we can fix something like this when we have so much emotions wrapped up into it so therefore a third party needs to be invovled to help us on this long journey. Yes I do need help in finding out why it happened in the first place because as much time as I have thought about it I simply cant come up with a reason. And your right if I dont find out why I did it whats going to stop it from happening again? (Besides the fact that I truly did hurt one of the most important people in my life that cares more about me then anyone, the suffering and pain I put him through is unbearable to think about) Thank you again for your kind words I really appreciate it.
Tonnie

[Mith]

Tonnieg,

http://www.topix.net/forum/drug/effe...R28DFD3N759/p4

Check this out, even if this isn't your exact case, there are many people on this thread going through the exact same thing. Out of the blue affairs by people who noramlly wouldn't have made such selfish choices. There is advice from both those that had the affairs and those who were "cheated" upon. Other then that, no matter what happens. Caste off those irrational lables you or a "professional" has given you. They do more harm then good.

Peace.