[ChrisWickham]

I guess I’m looking for reading materials, a book of some kind, and some guidance. My girlfriend (I’ll call her Keri for this), who tells me she loves me dearly (and I do dearly love her), have a huge issue. We’ve been dating for 6 weeks and everything has been amazing. We absolutely click on all levels. I am 40, Keri is 35. We’ve known each other for 3 years - both divorced years ago and single for the better part of our lives… but our huge problem is in how we initially met. Her sister (I’ll call her Peri) was the first person I met when I moved to the city all three now reside, and I dated Peri briefly, along with having sex once. I ended that relationship with Peri because I had no connection to her (after a few weeks), even disliked her (but really like Keri), and ended it poorly by just being a bad person and walking away. Fast forward 3 years, and Keri and I reconnected on Facebook. She tells me then that she respects Peri and we can only hang out in groups, even though we both know we have great chemistry, quite amazing chemistry actually. So, we get together last month, and as expected, sparks fly. Within days, we realize we are madly in love. We both admit it. But she can’t bring herself to tell her sister for fear of breaking that sisterly bond. She has scheduled it repeatedly, then says she just ‘chickens out’. I am an only child and my family is a horrible representation of one anyway, so I can’t even begin to know (only imagine) the connection she has with her sister. Keri said last night that she just can’t bring herself to do it - telling Peri. She would rather live a lifetime of hurt and not be with me, than hurt her sister. But even since this discussion last night, we still text and talk and tell each other how much this hurts, how we both want to be together, and how much we miss each other. Keri is my best friend, and I love her. But ultimately I want her to be happy. I think I make her the happiest she has ever been (and that is what she says), so is there a way past the hurt? A way to fix this issue for all involved? Keri says the only 2 issues in our relationship. 50% is how it will hurt Peri. The other 50% is how she feels insecure that I was with her sister first. But I truly had no feelings for Peri. Keri has my heart. I told her I can spend the rest of my life showing her that, and I have all the confidence that she is finally the one. So, help is appreciated, guidance, suggestions, whatever. Keri says she knows Peri would forgive her ultimately, and she thinks the insecurities would fade over time. This is all my fault and yet I feel powerless to help. I come to you because truly I am lost.

[Perna]

I believe I'm reading your story Barbara Freethy's, Just the Way You Are:

http://www.theromancereader.com/freethy-just.html

Maybe the two of you should read it together and discuss it? It's a quick, stupid, drug store romance novel read but the bones of the problem and solution are there. Reading it to her or the two of you together sharing it would certainly bring you together instead of having you on opposites sides of the problem?

[ChrisWickham]

Thanks! I'll suggest it. I do truly thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

[lido78]

With Keri's approval, is there any chance you could approach Peri and let her know how you feel about her sister and apologize to her for how you treated her years ago? This is a dicey one because if you contact her first, Peri could be upset that Keri did not tell her about your relationship but, if Keri tells her first, she may still be angry over never receiving an apology from you. Any chance that Peri has just moved on and is well over any hurt that you caused her?