[nostalgic4her]

I'll be honest.. my experience with Psych Central so far, has been mixed.

I seem to struggle separating myself from the rest of the pack, everyone else seems to have more important problems than me. At least they have others in their life to turn to for compassion, a job to provide them comfort, and a future to help drive them to succeed. I lack all of these things.

Over the years my heart has grown very hard. I don't cry as much as the normal person should. The movie may have had a tearjerker ending, but I don't shed a tear. It's that cold and empty in here, just like an old basement.

I've been lonely all my life, I've just never had anyone to talk to. I am the loneliest person on the face of Earth, and while it may seem difficult to swallow such a statement.. it is 100% true. My parents are the only people I have ever known, and while I'm very lucky to have them.. I know deep in my heart I will not survive on them alone.

I may have to broaden my horizons beyond this site, but I'm looking for a friend. A friend who is also looking for a friend. If I am ever given the chance, I might just be the best thing that ever happened to you.

[Perna]

If you know what answers you want, why are you not applying them to your questions? Or, another way of putting that, how has what you have been doing so far worked? If what you are doing/not doing has not worked, you have to try something you are not familiar with.

If you are lonely, you have to go out and socialize and make some friends; there's no easy or automatic way to do that or any way to get around it; other people are not going to come beat down your door to get to you, especially just based on an online self-evaluation of, "I'm a nice guy, come check me out."

If people read your post and offer suggestions and you "reject" them, how can that work? You are not trying to get to know and be interested in anyone else and yet you want anyone else to try and get to know and be interested in you. Relationships do not work like that, they cannot work like that.

[Anne F]

So sorry you are feeling lonely.

Everyone feels lonely some of the time, it is part of being human.

I hope by reading the posts on this forum you will learn what others have tried ...one day at a time.

Good Luck. Anne

[unaluna]

I think what a person CAN do here is improve their social skills, become a better listener, learn to be a better friend, find out more about the kind of people you like and do or don't get along with, test how accurate your first impressions are, learn how to apologize sincerely, become less lonely, feel like part of a community, get and give appreciation - well, all these things ARE social skills and I think they DO carry over into real life. Just "walk around" meeting people - frankly I would change my name to something that doesn't sound like an 80 year old grieving widower - not that there's anything wrong with that! - and who knows what can happen?

[shezbut]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling miserable and misunderstood.

So often, in depression, we feel as though we're completely alone and as though no one can possibly understand what we're going through. That is true, to an extent, especially when we've pulled ourselves back from society. A very common effect of depression is pulling away. Unfortunately, however, pulling away only pushes us deeper into our depression.

I've experienced major depression a few times in my life (as well as a few other psychological troubles), so I do know what I'm talking about on this topic. The same things don't work for everyone. BUT, common helpers include: volunteering; exercising, listening to music, finding a sport to follow or take part in; producing artwork; enjoying nature; and the list goes on! Taking part in a few of these events regularly can help you meet others with similar tastes and interests, as well as boost your self-esteem a little bit.

It does take a little push to get out the door, but it is so worth it. And there are so many great charities out there always happy and thankful to gain a volunteer! In my experience, volunteering took myself out of my own problems = a little break in my misery. It's well-worth the effort.

Best wishes to you ~ take care of yourself.

Suggesting a dating site, well it's a good way to meet people, not because your so hopeless, so many people use them now, that is where I met my boyfriend, we've been together for 5 years. I wasn't hopeless or desperate.

If you want to cure loneliness you do need to socialize. Therapy is again not a bad suggestion. You seem like you are closed down to ideas. You are the only person that can change your situation, and being open to new things can only help, because what you have been doing isn't working.

Not everyone else has others to turn to, or a job, or some bright future to look forward too. Your perception seems a bit off, about the rest of the world. I think to fix these problems you are having you have to start with yourself. A friend isn't going to be able to fix it either, friends can help a bit.

I agree with Perna on this. And if you want to make some friends, you are going to have to take some initiative. Friendships go both ways. If you are just really looking for a friend, why does the person have to be female, with no kids, and not in a relationship? Are you looking for a friend, or a romantic relationship?

Maybe it is time to step a little bit out of those comfort zones.

[nostalgic4her]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think what a person CAN do here is improve their social skills, become a better listener, learn to be a better friend, find out more about the kind of people you like and do or don't get along with, test how accurate your first impressions are, learn how to apologize sincerely, become less lonely, feel like part of a community, get and give appreciation - well, all these things ARE social skills and I think they DO carry over into real life. Just "walk around" meeting people - frankly I would change my name to something that doesn't sound like an 80 year old grieving widower - not that there's anything wrong with that! - and who knows what can happen?

an 80 year old grieving widower? i never knew people felt that way

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by nostalgic4her

an 80 year old grieving widower? i never knew people felt that way

nostalgic for her - well, it sounds like you're pining for someone gone? but, that could be me - I am a little (a lot?!) weird, and I am 60, so... i'm not exactly "people" - Soylent Green is people (sorry, that's my little joke around here, whenever there is a discussion about whether or not therapists are "people"). Anyway, I DO hope you stick around and hang out, it's made me a lot more comfortable around people, and I was never exactly shy. But I still needed it. PC helps at a deeper level, like therapy. It's great group therapy. Find some posters or threads you like, read the old posts, and you'll feel like you know them already.

[nostalgic4her]

Originally Posted by hankster

nostalgic for her - well, it sounds like you're pining for someone gone? but, that could be me - I am a little (a lot?!) weird, and I am 60, so... i'm not exactly "people" - Soylent Green is people (sorry, that's my little joke around here, whenever there is a discussion about whether or not therapists are "people"). Anyway, I DO hope you stick around and hang out, it's made me a lot more comfortable around people, and I was never exactly shy. But I still needed it. PC helps at a deeper level, like therapy. It's great group therapy. Find some posters or threads you like, read the old posts, and you'll feel like you know them already.

My name.. while rightfully misunderstood by many, feels publicly made fun of. But you are right, I do have a longing for someone special.. but I would have to travel back 70 years to find it. I have always felt like I was born in the wrong place and time.

All I wanted from PC was a friend. It may not make any sense now, but I was looking for a female friend; someone near my age who might understand me better. My intent of looking for this type of friend was nothing more than of personal preference, I would likely hold my feelings back from a guy and I know this. I'm lonely as they come and I don't have anyone else.. I don't think I was asking for too much.

I don't thInk you are asking for too much, but if you are only looking for a friend then why narrow the list by excluding people who are not single or who have kids. You might miss out on some great friendships by doing that. Understandable if you feel more comfortable with a female.

I don't think Hankster was making fun of your name, only offering a suggestion. Your name does sound like you were with someone and are not over her. That might leave an impression for the very type of friend you are looking for, single female. Because they will think you are emotionally tied to your old girlfriend. I hope that make sense, and please don't take offense, because it's really not meant to be offensive.

PC is great for the reasons Hankster pointed out. I have made great friends here, and my social skills have improved a lot. I am very shy by nature. It just takes sometime, like with all friendships, it takes time to develop.

Have you tried going through some posts and finding some one that peeks your interest for friendship? If you do, maybe just leave them a msg on their profile page saying.. hey I noticed your post, talk about what you liked about it.... Let them know you are there and interested in getting to know them, or something like that. From what I've experienced most people here will respond back. Just keep trying!

Something that sticks out to me is that you take people's suggestions as a personal attack on your being, instead of just as suggestions that might help you out. An I'm not saying this as an attack on you whatsoever, so please don't take it that way. I'm noticing it because I have done the same thing. The suggestions being offered are only being offered as things that might be able to help you, not as making fun of you or criticism.