[SQLVR]

I'm in college right now and it seems like everyone around me loves to party and what not, but I don't. I like people sometimes and have made a couple of friends but I prefer being on my own. Im happy with my life for the most part, but I feel as though I'm not a normal person somehow, like I SHOULD want to have wild parties and be around people.
Does anyone else feel like this? Is it ok to be a loner?

[treespirit]

Hey SQLVR,

I think it's perfectly normal to be a loner and to not like wild parties. As long as you are happy with your life. I'm just like you except I have graduated college last fall, and while I'm okay being around people and talking to them when I need to, I don't like parties either. During parties, there is drinking involved, and I do not drink because I have no tolerance for alcohol. Also there is dancing involved, but I do not like to dance. There is nothing about parties that attracts me and I don't think there ever will be.

However, there may be a catch. You mentioned that you like people "sometimes." I'm just curious, what is it that causes you to not like people the rest of the time? You also mentioned that you are happy with your life "for the most part." Are you not happy sometimes because you think you are supposed to want to be around people more, or for some other reason? If so, what makes you unhappy about your life?

There are a lot of people who prefer to be on their own. One of the most common college student stereotypes is that they love to party, which some of them do. Some of those party people immediately stop once they leave school. I agree with Antanas. It is ok to be a loner.

Originally Posted by SQLVR

Im happy with my life for the most part

That is a big deal, there are millions of people worldwide (myself included) who wish they could say that.

[Aslan]

if its not broke dont try and fix it.

[shezbut]

You are happy without all of the BS ~ Good for you! That's a terrific personality trait to have. Others would be envious if they knew, because it is a rare strength that not many people have.

It's perfectly fine to avoid the parties, bozo behavior, and be happy to hang out with yourself or a few other people. Accepting yourself as you are is wonderful!!

I'd simply advise you not to completely avoid socializing, because some social activity is a necessity throughout our lives. We may not always like it, or feel completely comfortable, but social skills are important with jobs. Getting jobs, satisfaction in the workplace, etc.

Best wishes!

[tooski]

I'm basically a loner too, so I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Sometimes I like to be around people (I'm not a complete hermit!) but I need plenty of time by myself, and I enjoy my own company. As long as you're happy with your life, don't worry about it. For many of us college is the first time we are out on our own, and it's party party party!! It can be crazy. If you feel "not normal" maybe it's just social pressure, the need to conform & be like everyone else?

[Irreplaceable]

God I miss my college years ***sighs*** I envy you...But anyway, it's normal to feel abnormal when everyone else around you is doing something totally different and loving it. Nothing wrong with being a loner. Alot of college kids party and drink...And then there are the loners...Nothing wrong with either... Enjoy your college years. If you are ok with being a loner then that's all the matters.

[StrongerMan]

You're probably an introvert and need your down time. I am one. There are varying degrees of introverted and extroverted tendencies in people. They all are normal. In college there were times when I wanted to go out and party but more often times when nothing could get me out of the dorm room or apartment. But I never really felt being with lots of people was my deal. One roommate even called me a "social misfit". I was always made to feel defective as a child for wanting to spend a lot of time alone or being quiet. But I came to understand that it is just the way I roll. There is a downside as I despise networking and it is hard for me to socialize with people for personal motives like getting a job. I just don't feel genuine doing it. And many people give up easily on someone when they don't always get the response they want. But don't feel "less than" or abnormal for the way you feel. Truth be told, there are far more introverts in this world than extroverts. Extroverts just get noticed more. There are many good books out now on the subject including The Introvert Advantage and Quiet...The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

Some of us are introverts ... Some of us are extroverts ... Some of us fall somewhere inbetween ... Neither one is right or wrong ... It just is what it is ...

Not everybody was meant to be a social butterfly ... And, while I do enjoy company a little now and then, for the most part I prefer peace, quiet & solitude ...

Ain't nothin' wrong with that ... You're quite normal ... And don't let nobody tell you any different ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud

[KeepGoing8]

I 2nd what these good folks are all saying...wish I'd asked 4 their advice my freshman yr! I am def an introvert, and my first yr was a strange, alienating experience of: living on a hall with a bunch of other people I didn't kno, who saw the main objective of college as: be cooler, have more friends, & take more drugs....and I started to feel like I was the freak who didn't see that as the main objective...and my aloofness was "too cold" for some, and taken as a personal insult, like I was " too good" to hang with them. I'm pretty sensitive & DO care when I'm misinterpreted like that, so I was left feeling out of place, thinking, "am I really a cold *****?" Then...I had the roundabout luck of working with and making friends with the 2nd year quad and their friends at the end of the hall. Strangely, when I had given up on making any genuine friends, I found some...but it took me the whole year when they were just at the end of the hall; as focused, introverted ( for the most part), and invested in the education part of college as me. Like I said, I am an introvert, and much of my life was spent as a loner, and A LOT of people out there are NOT worth connecting with for us "social misfits" (own it!), but one or two REAL FRIENDS or a TRUE LOVE is totally worth it. It's what life's all about, so just hold out for the good ones, & if u already have them...ur gold! Good luck