Single *dread face*

I was with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years which covers my entire dating life till now. The last year we had encountered some problems but we were working through. Things were getting better. Just as I had started to get my feet back on the ground, feeling secure, he had a panic attack. His first, *I'm* the one with the anxiety problems, definitely not him. He didn't deal with it right away and it led to a lot of anxiety and depression building up. Finally, he saw the doctor and doc said he had to cut back on his stressors. His two big ones, and he can't quit work, left me. Ouch. Apparently, the events of last year have still been weighing on him. This led him to call, against my complaints, a break. This was back in February.

Recently I asked him, what I was to him, other than silent_tsol. Turns out I'm the ex. To me that feels so permanent. I know it's just a label, but I don't think you need to apply a new one for what he always called a temporary break. As much as I hate it, because like I said, I know anxiety, I know it sucks. I don't want to abandon him in dealing with it, I wanted to help him. But he didn't accept that offer. And I don't know if I can wait for him in this foggy, grey area of "not being the gf right now, but to be the gf again, when he's ready, but for now, completely single"

That's not to say I'm going to go out looking after lunch. Heck, I don't know the first thing about looking. Dating, any part of not being in a relationship.

I know this all sounds kind of cold and calculated. I do have a heart, and I am upset over losing/potentially losing/ leaving a 6 year relationship. I just don't think the full impact has hit me yet.

I know take care of yourself, find hobbies, etc etc. But I don't know where to start. I've never been much of a hobby person, and the ones I did have were very couple-y. I'm introverted and quiet and suck at making friends, and the ones I do have don't live nearby. They don't even seem that...worried? caring about what's going on.

As pathetic as it sounds, I don't even know what I like doing. I've just been waking up, going to class/work depending on the day, work, then TV.

Oh now you are in a bit of a tough spot and you have to let yourself "grieve" a little bit.
That's a long time to be with someone but once you're able to let the pain out then the healing can begin.

1. Don't dread being single. I was in a relationship for over 3 years (17-20) and that encompassed my dating life up to that point. After a couple of weeks I LOVED being single!! It was so awesome to have freedom and to get to learn about myself. To GROW into ME!! I am a couple years out of the relationship now and I am so much better for it. I have been in a couple relationships here and there since but nothing too serious.
I now feel like because of the time I have had to myself when I do find the "right" guy I will be in a better place. I now have learned a lot about myself and set a stronger foundation and am more confident in who I am.

2. Take things slowly... if you don't know what you like to do, try everything! Do yoga one week, go hiking another... try it all and give yourself time to get back in the game. By going to the gym and frequently attending classes you'll make friends there.

3. Don't dwell on what you lost and time wasted. Instead be thankful for what you gained and realize you did not waste your time. In those 6 1/2 years you learned a lot about love and being in a relationship which you can apply elsewhere. There were other things that you both needed while you were together and you had those needs met. Now it's time to meet your own needs and to eventually allow another to meet your needs and you to meet theirs.

It's a tough road of recovery but you can do it!
Hope what I said helps in some way...

Wow, "md" gave you some EXCELLENT" advice!! After being in a 6 1/2 yr relationship, you NEED some time to yourself. I think this will be a great learning experience for you -- to help you grow & learn and actually have FUN. And I'm sure you'll meet many new friends.

Please take 'md's' advice and take advantage of this time. I know that you may have to grieve for awhile, but don't take TOO long. These are precious years where you can spread your wings and fly!

God bless and please take care! I wish you the very best!! Hugs, Lee

Wow, silent, I had no idea! What a deal. Mduncanmoore does have helpful ideas, worth trying, I'd say.

Especially getting to know you and what you like/want. & stay in touch. We're here for you. Your fiiends remein your friends--if you'll have us!

Thank you all for replying, I cried reading them trying to accept that people understand. Its not that I think I'm the only one who had ever had their heart broken, our even that the situation is that much worse than anyone else's. In MY real life though out is. None of my friends have had such a long term relationship, let alone lost it to relate. This is harder than breaking up with someone you've been with for a few months-a year. If I were to make a boyfriend box for all the things related to him, I wouldn't have anything left. We saw each other everyday for 6 years.

I'm familiar with grieving -I'm actually an expert at the shock and denial phase. I can and will stay in out for as long as I can -months if I have anything to day about it. I don't like change and as long as things haven't really set in, I can be ok. Beyond that, "ok" doesn't feel as guaranteed.

Thanks for listening again