[lido78]

I've posted in the past about an awkward situation with my boyfriend who had his business partner and long-time friend stay with him from overseas for 4.5 months (a long time by American standards). This visit, which was for business reasons, really caused a lot of tension in our relationship b/c I felt pretty disregarded during this time (e.g., I always had to go over to his house b/c he didn't feel comfortable leaving his friend for more than a few hours at a time...this means that we had almost no private time during this period). The visit is now over, but I'm not sure if I can let go of the resentment. Even though it's in the past (recent past), I still have sparks of anger over the lack of compromise during this time.

I'd like to let go and move forward, but I guess that I'm worried this kind of situation will happen again. Since this was the first time something like this happened, maybe I'm projecting. But, I'm a firm believe that past behavior is a pretty good indicator of future behavior. Other than this visit, my boyfriend is a gentle, sweet guy. We spend most of our time at my house and I do appreciate this effort. But I don't really want to feel left out in the cold the next time this guy comes for a visit. He's not someone I like very much (chain smoker and never helps around the house with cooking or cleaning), so the situation might be different if I felt differently about the friend. I just want to let it go but am having a really hard time of it.

[Leed]

Hi ~ That IS quite a long say for a "visit." I don't know how much you really have to say about it since you two don't live together. It would be different if you did. Then you could REALLY raise cain. But since your boyfriend has his own place, he can do with it what he wants -- even so far as letting his business partner stay as long as he wants. I know that cuts into your private time.,

How long have they been in business together? if this is the first time he's come over to visit, perhaps it won't happen again for a long time. Luckily it's very expensive to travel overseas! In the meantime, maybe you can talk to your boyfriend about your feelings of being left out. Other than that, I don't know what to advise you except to just let it go. Easier said than done, I know but don't let it eat you up. It's not worth it. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[lido78]

Leed....very, very good point. I really have nothing to say about how long the friend stays (or how long anyone stays for that matter)...my issue is more that he didn't take much time away from the friend to come visit me at my house (they were together 24/7 the entire visit). Honestly, the friend could have moved in for all that I care (my BF actually has a roommate, and I have no issue with him since he's very sweet and keeps to himself)...I just wanted private time at my place a couple of times a week rather than having to visit him there (too much smoke in the house and was just not comfortable in a house with my boyfriend, his friend and the roommate all weekend, every weekend, for 4.5 months...just too much testosterone for my taste)! The friend also has a drinking problem and I believe struggles with depression...I just was not happy being there but had no real other way to spend time with my guy.

They've been in business about 7 years. Normally, the guy comes over once a year...he stays anywhere from a month to four months. Although we started dating two years ago, he did not come the first year we were together. So, it was kind of shocking to have this guy show up and stay for such a long time.

Yeah, I want to let it go and just focus on reconnecting. I think that having a positive attitude and not expecting the worst for the next visit may help. I'm just going to have to convince myself that the next visit in a year or so will only be for a few weeks! (Here's to hope).. ...